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Mum has Bowel Cancer

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Hidden Angel, Jun 22, 2009.

  1. Hidden Angel

    Hidden Angel Guest

    Well as you can tell by the title my family had some rather bad news this week. The thing is I can handle knowing that she has cancer - there's not much we can do about it, get the surgery done, and hope for the best and that it hasn't spread, but she in this really really angry mood all the time at the moment because of it ( why me that sort of thing...) and she is always yelling and stuff. I could handle it if she was angry at everyone equally but it's not, it's just me, I don't even have to do anything wrong for her to focus all her anger on me and even though I get that's she's upset and all I'm sick of it just being me that she's taking her anger out on but if I trying to reason with her I just get in more trouble not only from mum but dad too. I just don't know what to do but it's doing my head in.
     
  2. Greggers

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    Thats is horrible news, my prayers are with you (*hug*) Hopefully the surgery works and it helps her, and as quick as possible too!

    As for her anger issues, im sure she is going through ALOT right now. It might be best if you give her space and try and be as nice as possible. Help out as much as you can, maybe fix her a meal or two. I dont know what your home situation is like right now, but i guess all the advice i can give you is try and give her as few reasons as possible to be angry at you. If she is still angry at you after that, try and get out of the house as much as you can and try and not argue with her if shes looking for a fight.

    I dont know what else to say, but i wish you and your family good luck in these rough times (*hug*) It sucks to go through something like this :frowning2:
     
  3. Just Adam

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    i say just take it. realise shes thinking she may not be around you and her family for long shes worried scared angry..

    you need to be there for her cherish you time with your parents as when theyr are gone.... well

    just hug her when shes shouting and teary just hug her tell her you love her. she may show her anger at you as shes most concerned of loseing you but all she can do is be angry or break down in tears so thats how it comes out... so just hold her and say mum i love you its what needs to be done no matter what she says or how she acts.

    all the best
     
  4. Eleanor Rigby

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    I'm very sorry about what's happening to your mother (*hug*). I hope she will be better soon.
    Now about your issues with her anger the best thing to do right now is to let it go. She just learned that she has a cancer. She is probably very scared and she has the right to feel angry. Just try not to take things for yourself and don't try to reason with her. What she feels now can't be rationnalised and all that could happened is to maker her feel even more angry.
    Be patient, don't lose your temper, try to help as much as you can.
    What you may try when she's shouting at you for no reason is to take her firmly in your harms an tell her you love her. I can't garanty the results, but it might calm her down and maker her feels that you care. At least, a hug can't hurt her now.

    I wish you a lot of courage (*hug*) Eleanor
     
  5. Fiorino

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    I'm sorry to hear that, hon. (*hug*)

    My advice would be just to be there for her when you can, but let her have her space
    too, it's got to be a difficult time for her. It's not your fault obviously, so don't let it get
    to you when she is upset with you. I hope she gets well soon!

    xx
     
  6. ArcusPravus

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    It might not be that she's more angry at you but rather gets more angry when you're around, if that makes sense. She's probably really scared and when you're around she thinks of all the things she won't get to do with you, the life she won't have with you if treatment doesn't work. That makes her more angry. It seems like she's taking out her anger on you more than others but really its just that there is more anger about the cancer when you're there then when you aren't there. It could actually mean the exact opposite and that she feels more robbed about being in your future because of how much she cares for you. Not that she's more angry at you.

    I'm really sorry about what's happening and hope for the best for you mother and family.
     
  7. Lexington

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    About all you can do in a situation like this is try to disassociate yourself with what's being said. Try to remember - she's not angry at you. She's just angry. At herself. At what's happening. At life. At the unfairness of it all. And she's lashing out. It sucks, but there it is. Don't try to reason with her. Hear her out, say you're sorry (for whatever), tell her you love her, and then keep going.

    Lex
     
  8. TheBP

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    I'm so very sorry to hear that. :frowning2:

    I know what you're going through, though. My mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, and had the surgery a little over a week ago. She's been very stressed lately, and has had some pretty nasty moments...but like everyone else said, you have to realize that she's going through an extremely tough time now. She's faced with a lot of uncertainty, and she might be taking out that stress on you unintentionally. Just try to hang tight, and block out whatever she might be yelling at you about. Be sure to be there for her, too, in the coming times. It might be hard, but she'll need it.
     
  9. Mickey

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    I,too,am sorry for you,your mom and your family.
    I'm 47,live with my mom and it sucks sometimes.(I have health issues)
    When either of us get bitchy,I either retreat to my room or I go out.
    I know our situations aren't the same ,but I just wanted you to know how I handle things here.
    I wish all of you the best and I hope your mom gets through this and quickly regains her health. I know it's hard but try to be patient,she does love you,she's just not dealing with this ATM.