Gaaagh…:***: Ok now that’s done with here is my story (I’ll try keep it short) I’m unsure about my sexuality but I’m currently 90% sure I’m gay, and I don’t have a problem with that, nor am I afraid of what my family and friends will think because they’ve all told me that it doesn’t matter either way. Anyway my main reasons for thinking I’m gay are: 1) The idea of being with a girl utterly repulses me, and 2) I kinda think I’m in love with my best friend. :eusa_doh: That brings me to my main point of anguish. I’ve known this guy for almost a year now, after moving schools (yet again) so of course I was stand offish when it came to getting to know people, well he was the first person to actually come up and talk to me and we became mates instantly. I can pinpoint the exact moment I started to fall for him. It was first week back, Camp, we were staying in the same cabin, anyway that night about four guys harassed me (my year level thinks I’m gay btw) which really hurt so I went and hid in my room to cry, he came and found me and we stayed up most the night talking, I felt comfortable and safe, that was the moment. Since then we have grown closer although it took him a few months to completely open up to me (trust issues) then about two months ago I told him I was unsure about my sexuality, he was great about it, really supportive, he even told me he had homosexual tendencies and that he can be “stimulated by unsavoury images of men” but he knows he needs women, he’s religious. Recently I’ve been finding it hard to be away from him for more than two days, it actually hurts, and when I’m with him everything is ok no matter how upset I am or how much it pain I’m in knowing I can never have him. And I know it’s not a purely physical attraction, I’m not saying he’ not good looking coz he is but it’s the small things that get my heart racing, his smile, the looks we share and the best of it all his hugs (*hug*), they make me feel like everything will be ok and that I’m safe, even though I know I can never escape the harm I’m doing to myself. Help me please…:confused2:
Falling for your straight best friend can be a very slippery slope if you let it. I think the best thing for you would be a bit of distance from your friend. I'm not saying to give him the cold shoulder or anything drastic like that; simply build up your other friendships and create new ones so that you avoid the pitfall of feeling like this guy is the only important person in your life. There's really no way to snap your fingers and stop having a crush on this guy. All I can offer is a method of coping with your feelings and maintaining some degree of normalcy in your life. You can't have him as your boyfriend, but what you can have is a wonderful and fulfilling friendship. (*hug*)
Welcome to EC Guiggi and thanks for telling us your story. In the way of advice I'm not entirely sure what to say. He sounds like a great friend and this seems like a major crush and I'm sure you wouldn't want to do anything to damage your friendship. I'm concerned that as he is religious it might be difficult for him if you were to tell him about or act on your feelings, he might end up pushing you away. I wouldn't force anything even though your feelings for him may be overwhelming. Only in time will it become clear whether this is a crush or something more, I don't think it's the right time to force things with him, you just have to tread carefully and give it time. When you're away from him try to keep yourself occupied. But you should try talking to him a bit more about your sexuality if it feels safe to do so. Maybe he might start to consider being with another guy, but I wouldn't force the issue.
Hi and welcome to EC Cool Beans mainly cover what I would have said. Even if your friend admits that he have homosexual tendencies, he doesn't seem to be ready to come to terms with his sexuality. In such a case, I would say that the best things for you would be to give up on him as a possible boyfriend. I know it is something easier to say than to do and you seem to already have developped strong feelings for this guy. Maybe you could put some space between you for a while and try to meet knew people. I'm not saying you that you should stop seeing your friend, but maybe a bit less. Beyond that, I'm afraid there is nothing else to do that trying to cope with this. I know it's a bitter pill to swallow, I have been there too, but hopefully, you'll be able to fall for someone who will return you your feelings. I wish you all the best, Eleanor
Wow,this must happen a lot because I have read the same things on other threads ( here & other sites). For whatever reason,some people seem to fall for their best friends. I can't say I've been there,myself. I do understand it,though. He's there for you. He comforts you when you're down. You're closer to him than anyone else. And...he's cute! It makes perfect sense to have the feelings you do for him. However,you really should keep them to yourself,so you don't push him away. If,by chance,he decides to pursue his "homosexual tendencies",let HIM be the one to make that move. You know you're gay but he's not sure what he wants. Like others have said,don't push it. Just be his friend and DO try to make other friends,too. That's about all you can do. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
The thing to do is to just go with the flow. If he decides that he might want to explore his feelings more, you can be there. It seems as if you care about each other a lot. But it is not a good thing to try to push it. Don't force him to open up. But it sounds to me as if he is bisexual or gay and in a situation which does not allow him to be who he wants. Maybe bring up the topic of YOUR religion and ask him to help you sort things out. It might start him thinking. Best of luck! -Cooper.
I agree with Eleanor. Yes he has shared his secret with you but Its important to stay being a very good friend. Just see him as a treasured friend. He is no potential boyfriend material as I believe you could get really hurt. I guess its a good time now to try to get another best friend that can help with your journey in life. best of luck
Thanks Ok… what I’m basically getting is back off and spend a little less time with him, easier said than done because; A) I see him most days at school, and B) He’s going through a really rough patch at home, and I’m the kind of person who will help those I care about no matter how much it’ll end up hurting me. Oh, dude99 just about the new best friend and helping me through this, I have trust issues also, possibly to do with my constant moving never in one place long enough to trust people and if I am, I always leave so I try not to attach to much, and the only reason I can think of to explain my attachment to him (other than what I’ve already said) is that we are very much alike in our behaviours when it comes to people. Last thing, I’ve never viewed him as boyfriend material (doesn’t stop me wishing:eusa_pray), I know there’s no point and I’m smart enough not to push anything (but not to stop hurting myself).:bang: Thank you for the advice and I hope to hear more from you all.(*hug*)
