So I just found out (literally 5 minutes ago) that one of my closest online friends (we've been talking pretty often for a year and a half now) has sex with older men for money. I... I don't even know what to say to that, he's fifteen and I'm worried for him. He tries to act all independant and tough but I know he's not. What if something happens to him? Is there even anything I can do (he lives in America)? He's making a hell of a lot of money out of it though.. he says he gets around $100 for each 'ride'. It just really shocked me to hear, and I'm scared that he's going to get hurt or something. The only consolation I have from him is that he says that he always makes them wear a condom, so at least he isn't going to get and STDs (or at the very least, the risk is greatly reduced). I don't know what to do or think.
Ouch That is serious. Make him watch Mysterious Skin? I think it might shake some sense into him. He can be as safe as he wants to be, but that wont stop him from getting drugged/assaulted and then raped and sometimes even killed. These older men he is picking up are not all going to be clean. Some are going to be bad men and some are going to really hurt him. If he does this alot its really only a matter of time. You can never tell what guys it is until after it happens as well. Oh and thats not even counting the fact its ILLEGAL and he could get caught or try and pick up a cop and BAM! your friend is gone. If you have expressed all this, and he has watched that movie, i dont know what else you can do Be there for him, even if he does make bad choices. You can support him and at the same time not support what he is doing. If something does go wrong, hes going to need friends. Be there for him.
Assuming he's telling the truth, what can you do? Nothing much. You can tell him you disapprove, but that probably won't dissuade him any. He of course is putting himself in physical jeopardy, and putting himself on the wrong side of the law (prostitution is against the law in all 50 states, and even more so when there's a minor involved). But unless you know of someone who can physically intervene, I can't say as I can think of anything you can accomplish on your end... Lex
I agree with him watching Mysterious Skin - I just watched it again last week and it'll hopefully wise him up a bit. But otherwise, I'd just say, keep talking to him about it. Say you are worried as a friend, which of course you are. I'd want to understand his motives - is it really the money he needs? I mean is he still living at home and otherwise taken care of. Or is he looking for love? Or is he just horny? There are better, safer alternatives for ALL of these motives.
thanks for responding you guys.. I'll definitely recommend he watches that film, might give it a look myself too. He's gone offline now so there's nothing I can do tonight. I think he just does it for money, but I don't know for sure if there's a deeper motive than that involved or not.
There's almost certainly something else going on. Emotionally healthy 15 year old boys do not seek out sex for money with older men. More than likely there's some sort of psychological issue; either he doesn't feel he's getting attention at home, his parents suck (or are absent from the household), he has a history of sexual abuse or other trauma, or something of that nature. In many cases, the person may rationalize the behavior for the monetary benefits, but usually there's some sort of deeper desire for attention, or love, or acceptance. And there's always the possibility that he's bullshitting you to get more attention or just for the heck of it. The only thing you can really do is be there for him and gently encourage him to move away from that by talking about what he's feeling, how he feels after he has sex with one of these guys (if he says he doesn't feel dirty or ashamed, something is definitely wrong and/or he's completely out of touch) and perhaps help him to understand why it's not a healthy -- or safe -- choice for him. If you feel there's a serious risk of danger, you can notify authorities (if you know what city/state he lives in) and they can locate him, but that's sort of a nuclear option that you don't want to use unless you're really certain there's a major problem. It's a complex problem that isn't easily resolved.
That's scary! A friend of mine was doing gay pornos for awhile. He now is HIV-positive. At age 18. Who else is there in his life in a guardian/parent/caretaker role? If he's only age 15, a parent/guardian could theoretically intervene (i.e. sign him into some sort of therapy) since he's a minor. It might be worth investigating that option. In the meantime, try talking to him. It's worth trying, if nothing else. And if all else fails, there is the nuclear option of calling law-enforcement on him. He likely wouldn't get into any lasting trouble since he's a minor, and it would literally ruin the lives of the guys that are taking advantage of him. Soliciting a minor for sex is a big time felony, and it's well-known that child rapists don't last long in prison. It'd be a very Chris Hansen moment.
He needs an intervention, prostitution is not something thats funny and needs to be taken very seriously.
This is definitely a situation thats pretty sucky. I don't have a whole lot of advice beyond what other people have said, ala being there for him and such. Though if you do want to track down someone with more knowledge and possibly how to try to talk to him about it, I'd suggest getting in touch with Shared Hope International. Its a global organization that attempts to fight sex trafficking an prostitution of women and children. At the age of 15, your friend would qualify since they use "children" to just mean "minor". But they try to talk to law enforcement and institute change where those who are prostituted aren't the ones charged and convicted of crimes, but instead to concentrate on the pimps and the johns. They do a lot of great work and have their hearts in the right places*, and they would probably be more than willing to give you tips on this, and--should you think it necessary--might be able to help with actually getting your friend out of the trade if he's willing and needs help doing so. You can probably google them for more info, but their website is www.sharedhope.org, there is a number at the very top of the page for contacting them. *as a warning, I've not seen any specific information on them as to if they're gay-friendly or homophobic. for just getting advice, I'd say orientation is completely irrelevant and they should be good to go to. but googling them is always good or perusing their website a bit if you want/need further help from them. this is definitely a situation i'd want a friendly face/voice on the other line, and i've seen too much hate in this world to not want to give a disclaimer. good luck though
Just to clarify, I don't know if you intended to draw a causative correlation between appearing in gay porn and becoming HIV+, but if so, that's not an accurate correlation. I do know of a number of guys who became HIV+ before age 20, but most of them were people who regularly barebacked and had many anonymous partners. A couple were safe most of the time and only barebacked a couple of times and got very unlucky. But very, very few porn performers have become infected while performing in porn, at least in the last 10 years. The more I think about this, the more I'm inclined to believe that intervening in some way is probably advisable. He may hate you in the short term, but if you're able to ensure that he's kept safe and gets some treatment, he'll most likely thank you in the long term. I do, however, find that a *lot* of young people seem to take an "it won't happen to me" attitude, or else an "It's not a big deal" attitude about safer sex and using protection. Several young people I've spoken to are under the mistaken impression that you just have to take a few pills and it's no big deal, which, if you talk to anyone that's actually HIV+, you'll find is definitely not the case.
Sure it is. There are a lot of those producers that aren't exactly moral straight-laced characters, so if you're doing a bunch of porn and having a bunch of unprotected porn sex, then yeah, you're probably going to catch something. That's exactly what happened in his case.
In a general sense maybe, but porn as as a profession and prostitution are completely different. Do you know they are moderate the stars that come in with monthly HIV checks a month, and if the person doesn't bring it in the other person can say no to the deal. It's especially true in the bigger porn corporations like the ones in New York and California. The chances are higher than the average person in that profession, but it's completely different than prostitution. It's really rare to get HIV these days in the porn industry. Now if you go to some cheap place to do porn that's really nasty, than probably you get a higher chance for HIV. I suspect though that a person who gets HIV is not through the porn but through another contact outside the porn. And porn stars can make a living and not get HIV for years, if ever, if they do it correctly. Like the wonderful Jenna Jameson. [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4lYhBYiPd0[/YOUTUBE]
He needs to stop. Like everyone said its illegal and he is at risk for HIV. Not only that he could be raped or killed. In Boston there was the Craiglist killer who met women and robbed them. he wound up murdering one of the prostitutes. I would talk to him. If he does not stop I would talk to his parents. Even though he is being paid he is being sexually abused by these men.
Thanks for all the advice guys (although the HIV argument is getting less relevant with each post methinks). I'm going to talk to him about it the next time he is online, and let him know just how dangerous what he is doing is. I don't think he's really thought through what he is doing to be honest, and, as so many of you said, it is not healthy or even close to sensible. I really hope he listens, because there is bugger all I can do further than talk to him. San Fransisco (where he lives) is much too far away and I can't exactly jump on the next plane over.
From the sound of it it sounds like he has been doing this for a while. Telling him you dont approve and telling him the dangers of it is not going to work. He thinks he knows everything. He thinks he has thought this through. If you show your disapproval he will just brush it off as a "you just dont understand, I know what I'm doing." Like Lex said you cant do much. If I were in your shoes I'd do something so messed up and kinda mean in my opinon. I'd try to get his parents involved in the mater. I'd rather have a friend I care for safe but mad at me for the rest of their lives rather than sick, unsafe, dead and happy with me.
That's the thing though, the only contact details I have for him are his AIM address, his mobile (cell) number, his blog and his myspace. I can't contact his mum (he's never spoken of his dad, and I've got too much tact to ask), not because I don't want to, but because I have no possible way of doing so.
