So last night I was hanging with a group of some 25 or so "buddies". (Dont actually know all their names, but we gather regularly for a bike ride, so I see most of them weekly.) As we were visiting before rolling out, one makes a comment about gays that was not complimentary. There were maybe two chuckles from those gathered, perhaps three or four, but that was it. The moment passed without much ado. Bigotry always bothers me, even when it is comparatively innocent and born of unfamiliarity and/or ignorance. So, I've been replaying that incident several times to find an appropriate way to help the greater cause. This this post. I think what I may do is let this speaker know 1) that I was a touch discomforted by his comment; 2) that he may want to be more caring insofar as anywhere from one to six in ten guys are NOT completely straight; and 3) there is nothing wrong with being a bit, more or less, bent as it is not anything any of us has any control over. Each circumstance is different, and each situation involves different relationships. Thus there is no correct answer. That said, what approaches have you used/seen deployed/recommended in situations similar to this? Oh shoot, I just thot maybe I should search the threads before I post. My bad. Links to existing postings are more than welcome.
I've found there's usually something to say in every situation that both indicates disapproval AND does it with good humor, so nobody feels too bad. But it totally depends on the situation, and you have to think pretty fast to come up with a good response. When I first started at a particular job, nobody there knew I was gay. A few days in, we were having a meeting where we discussed a new product. One person said, "Well, I'm betting the fags will like it", which brought a few smiles and guffaws. I said, "Well, I can't speak for the rest of them, but *I* like it OK." ...last "fag" comment at that job. Lex
Yes - it's probably best done at the time, rather than revisiting it. But that's easier said than done. I don't think there's anything wrong with being honest with other people about how their actions or words make us feel. But then you might want to let it go at that. Lecturing someone usually puts them on the defensive.
