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Just one more step left...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by fanfreek, Jun 25, 2009.

  1. fanfreek

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    I would like to apologize in forward since this is my fifth post with a similar theme... I still haven't come out, but for the longest time I felt like it was finally the time. I had a little scare a few months ago with my aunt, but these days I feel as if I should do it... however, there's a few things that I can't figure out...

    I know that coming out would help me as a person, so I don't know why I feel so comfortable in a position where I don't date anyone yet make everyone else happy by just being the funny and interesting me. I feel like it would all disappear if they found out or something.

    I keep wondering what's next if I do indeed come out to my father... will things finally start getting better in my life (love-wise) or will it pretty much be the same, but with my father knowing the truth?

    Today we were watching some report on gay pride and talking about how a woman that was in the anti-gay parade shouting nasty remarks. My father said "the normal people just don't understand them..." I'm wondering if this was a way of him saying that he understands gay people and that the woman wasn't in her mind, or something else... For some reason, this made me wonder if I should start a conversation with "You know what you said about the normal people not understanding the gay folk? Do you understand them?" or something like "What would you say if a member of our family was gay?"

    The only thing left is courage. From one perspective, I've got a whole summer of doing nothing, sleeping 'till noon, enjoying the beach and spending the nights watching TV... it all looks fun but it's missing that one thing... me finally being true to myself and maybe even falling in love... I can't stay alone for forever....

    Maybe turning 20 in a week is the thing that is making me wonder if it's the right time... I don't know. I spent the last week all alone in my apartment without socializing with anyone and it wasn't so bad.... shouldn't that alarm to finally do something (and does it mean that even if I lost my family, that I could go into the next phase of my life alone=?

    I promise, this is my last post regarding this topic.... I certainly hope my next one will be about coming out. Anyway, this is where my mind is these days, so...
     
  2. malachite

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    Fanfreak, I feel like I’m reading a post about me.

    I was terrified that I would somehow loose who I was by coming out. That instead of being that funny guy with a snappy comeback, I would be come the gay guy.
    I freaked me out even more because friends of mine who came out changed, and not always for the better.

    But know this: You are who you have always been, you’re just gay now too.
    As for your love life, if you’re not out then how can you meet someone?

    My Dad is a simple man, and we don’t exactly get along. We didn’t have the best relationship growing up. So, I decided not to tell him until I’m ready, but I have let other people know in my life know. I started with one then one became two, two became four, and on and on. It gets easier.

    I was, and still am in a way, a lone wolf. I didn’t fit in at high school, but when I graduated and went to college my world became so big overnight.
    My only regret is I didn’t come out back then, and I wish I had. So, if your ready take that Nestea plunge and come out. On the other hand if you feel you’re just not ready yet then don’t rush yourself. There is no time limit on these things.

    And, don’t freak about posting so much, that is what this site is here for right?
     
  3. malachite

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    oh by the way I like your Avatar.
     
  4. fanfreek

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    Thanks... I really hope it gets better... I know it won't get easier... I want to start dating but I can't before I come out to someone... it would be too hard keeping it a secret as well...

    There is still another thing that is worrying me... I never had sex with anyone, so I keep thinking "what if I come out and everyone knows the truth and I realize that I like girls." I used to have crushes on girls before, but it was never really what I wanted. I am attracted to guys and would like to have a relationship if possible, but I guess there will always be that question in the back of my head as to why I never gave it a shot. I had various opportunities with girls but always backed out...

    However, this might be just my brain playing tricks on me since I'm so close to coming out...
     
  5. Davo

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    Hmm, I think you are giving too much thought into it. I'm guilty of this myself and must admit that I haven't come out to my family despite being on the verge of telling them since I was 16. I've given up now

    There will be opportunities to tell them, but don't beat yourself up if you never quite get there, just wait until you're ready. I often find when you've got all this time on your hands you feel an obligation to tell them and get it out of the way but it isn't that easy, it depends on the situation you're in and waiting for the right moment.

    But I do know the difficulties of establishing relationships while you're still in the closet, and ultimately you need to take some small steps in order to achieve this. Coming out to your family is quite a big step and if you're not ready see what small steps you can make. If there are any friends you could possibly tell or talk with, any gay support groups in the area. But dont beat yourself up if it doesn't happen easily, and don't worry about posting 5 or 10 or 50 times about the same thing, we're here to help.

    And so what if you come out and realise you like girls, sexuality is a spectrum and feelings may alter in the future. You backed out on those opportunities with girls for a good reason, and you need to stand by that, just follow your heart
     
  6. seadog

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    I always fantasize about asking doing it this way:

    "How gay do you think I am?"
     
  7. Doreibo

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    Well, you are in a pretty good situation to come out in my opinion. You live in an apartment so don't need to worry about trouble at home. You are turning 20, so you have alot of freedom, and it IS the summer break. Take your time and relax a bit. . .more. . .if its possible to relax more in the summer holidays. . .This is something of a hurdle that you need to jump over, but the reward on the other end is virtually a whole new world, or a new perspective on it. I rekon, just take a stab in the dark, a leap of faith, jump into the void and see what you land in. Besides, risks and chances are what make life interesting right?
     
  8. fanfreek

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    It is, it definitely makes life interesting. I wouldn't know since I never was the type of person to take a leap of faith, but I feel like I should. I'm tired of the same conversations, the same coming back home alone and spending the day alone, watching other people in relationships or out of relationships, while I pretty much do nothing besides live in my world.