Why Do you think...

1) Being born and living with it makes it sound like to separate things. One sounding hereditary, the other a sickness. :lol: Actually, no one has the concrete definite answer.
2) This I think is the best answer. I think it's a mix of childhood experiences as well as parent development and friendships. Again, it's all speculation as there is no scientific proven theory.
3) I don't think so. Though this does go hand in hand with being an LGBTQ person. It's kind of like smoking and addiction. First you smoke, and then you become addicted. Well, not the best analogy but I hope you get the point.
4) Did you choose not to like women sexually? Did you choose to want to have to fight for your right to exist? I don't think so. I don't think any gay man really wants to have to explain all these things that shouldn't be problematic in the first place to their parents. But society has ingrained the idea that being gay or LGBTQ, hell--even different is a bad thing. It's the small subtle things like "Don't be gay" or "Fag" that really drive them home--not the people like the West Buro Church.

And while gay recovery therapy does work on some people--the amount of psychological damage that it inflicts when it wears off is amazingly catastrophic. In essence, no you cannot change your sexuality naturally.

What is it your sister and mother are saying, may I ask?

Do know that you can always express, rant and rave here on EC and that you'll always be welcome to.

 

It may be different,for some people,
but I truly believe I was BORN lesbian.

 

I personally believe i am gay because i was sexually abused as a child by a girl and i think that screwed my up. I could have been born gay i don't know no one does.

 

1. Is it something we are just born with and have to live with?

I believe so

2. Is it acquired from the early stages of our childhood?

Well for this to be true we'd all have to go through very similar childhoods or a similar event and anyone raised in those same types of childhoods or with those same events would have to be gay and since that is not the truth I can't imagine this being true.

4. Is it a choice that we just randomly decide?

It's not a choice. That is the one thing I know for sure. Why would anyone choose to be hated by milllions? Why would so many choose to be shunned from their familys? Why would anyone choose to have less rights then others? Why would someone choose the inevitable heartache that comes with being gay? Why would anyone choose to have a harder life?

As for helping your mom and sister with coming to terms about you being gay. As you mentioned getting her to attend a PFLAG meeting can only help you. You may also ask her to watch some movies. Prayers For Bobby is about a guy who kills himself because of his homosexuality and his mothers journey discoverying that the bible isn't always as straight foward as it may seem.

(*hug*)

 

1. Is it something we are just born with and have to live with?

yes the overiding factor seems to be genetic, we are born how we are some crossed signals miss information or just natural selection we are born with different feelings that others. there is no set norm though all are equal in their differences.

2. Is it acquired from the early stages of our childhood?

certain aspects of ourselves are developed at an early age based on our experiences as our experiences help define us like layers at an early age we start building these layers

3. Is it because of a distend mom or dad in our lives.

not this factor alone but our experiences and evironment all add layers to us certain triggers or moments in our lives can spark i believe to be chemical/hormonal reactions stimulating certain mental pathways allowing us to access our feelings.

4. Is it a choice that we just randomly decide?

ive never encountered an lgbtq person who says its a choice you dont decide you want to be a minority to suffer biggotry and cruelty in life, it is just who you are the reason people realise their feelings at different stages is the environmental factor certain experiences subdue feelings, the wanting to fit in or fear or the knowing of unacceptance. one of the biggers reasons is fear and guilt that people hide who they are and such develop later giving an appearance of sudden choice.


in the end no you cant change how you feel you can only change what you choose to do, sure you can hide your feelings denial try living a straight love never satisfied or happy... living a lie makes a lie of everything you experience every friendship you make everything you do.

you ow it to your mum and sister to be honest with them they are family and they love you they will need time to come around and pflag material can help with that and religion they jsut need to remember that love is the most important thing that acceptance peace and love are the main things of any religion and that must not be forgotten...

you ow it to yourself to be open and to be able to live the life you want be that finding a partner some day or helping with the local lgbtq community you deserve to be happy

take care x

 

1. Is it something we are just born with and have to live with?


In some cases some people belive they are born gay and live that way. I actually think it is true, but only for cetain people. I had no knowledge of what "gay" was or anything like that as a child, but I knew I wasn't interested in the girls except as friends.


2. Is it acquired from the early stages of our childhood?


I belive in some cases, yes. Mostly I disagree with the whole idea of it being an acquired thing, because that is one of the arguements that religious fundamentilists like to throw around. Out of respect to those who believe it is acquired because of abuse, I think it applies in some instances of abuse as more of a defensive reaction. I mean no offense to anyone who has been abused.


3. Is it because of a distend mom or dad in our lives.


I totally disagree with that. My biological father was distant yes, but I belive that has nothing to do with my being gay. I know he will hate it when/if I come out to him (he is no longer in my life for the forseeable future). He'll most likely blame it on me having a cabbage patch kid and a kitchen center as a small child, although his younger brother is gay, his family has a very negative outlook on LGBT people in general.


4. Is it a choice that we just randomly decide?


No. Absolutely under no circumstances could you get me to agree to that arguement. I believe it is something we are predetermined to have for a reason, not something we choose.

 

I believe that I've always been gay; that I was born with it, and I have several reasons for that belief. My cousin is gay too, and, as I more recently discovered, one of my half sisters is too (both on the same side), which gives pretty good circunstantial evidence for some genetic or hereditary reasoning for it - we were all raised very differently, by different parents. I have also always felt different, it wasn't until I hit puberty that I realised quite why I was different from everyone else, but it was always there, in the back of my head. I fitted in, but at the same time I didn't - I was always playing a part, even as a small child. I still do to a certain degree - and I remember always looking at other boys in the changing rooms, even though I didn't know why I did it, and I never noticed any of the other boys looking.

I don't think it is caused by childhood events, I believe that our sexual orientation is predetermined before we are even born. I cannot think of any events in my past that could have 'turned' me gay. I have never been sexually abused, and both my parents have always been here for me, something for which I am eternally grateful to both of them for.

One thing homosexuality definitely is not is a choice. Whether it is nature or nurture, there is no 'decision' made by the person as to their sexuality at any point, and because of this, there is no change; no going back. You are what you are and you will be that for the rest of your life, same as the next person. Straight people can't become gay, and gay (or bi) people can't become straight, it's as simple as that.

The final answer really is that nobody really knows why people are gay, we just are. There are several schools of thought as to the exact reasoning behind it all, but to be honest, I don't think it matters. What matters is that we are gay; we are different; we are ourselves, and nothing can change that.

 

I believe it's something I was born with, personally. I don't know if it's genes, or some hormone in the womb or whatever, but both my brother and I are queer, I believe my cousin is too, and my dad's a crossdresser (which isn't something I found out until a few months ago). That probably means something. =P

My upbringing was more or less like something out of the Brady Bunch. Seriously. Most of the upheaval in my childhood came from mom getting really sick with Crohn's a couple of times, but both of my parents were really involved in raising us (when work and sickness didn't get in the way). They played with us, took us to the zoo, took us to the park, read to us, watched movies with us... Took us to church, too, even though I kind of hated it, haha. We get along really well, too. I love spending time with my family! They were/are really supportive of me loving art, and didn't discourage me from going to school for it, and basically raised us to be our own people. I've never felt pressured to be something in particular. They've always said that we can do whatever we want in life, so long as it's A. not illegal, B. they don't have to pay our rent, and C. we're happy.

So, if being queer is because of parental distance, I'm some kind of anomaly. I consider myself phenomenally lucky for the parents I ended up with.

And I can honestly say that I have never sat up and said, "Hey, I think I'm gonna like women from now on." If it were a choice, it wouldn't have taken me five years of it slowly dawning on me what was going on, denying what was going on, feeling a jillion different (usually conflicting) emotions, spending so many sleepless nights wanting to rip apart everything in my room because I felt so confused and lost, and only then finally coming to some kind of acceptance of myself. Given a choice, I would've picked the non-miserable option. =P

 

1) I don't know. But born or developed, by the time we realise it, it cannot and will not go away. So yes we have to live with it.

2) Possibly.

3) I know everyone hates this theory, but after thinking about this I feel like I can follow the progression of my sexuality from a need for a male role model into sexuality through past memories and dreams. Whether that means anything I have no idea. But I feel I can follow my need for closeness with people and need for distance with others through my past memories and this seems to fit around my sexuality. I might blog it one day.

4) Nope. I think people who say it's a choice mean that it's a choice we make whether to have relations with the same sex, not a choice whether to like the same sex. It's like both sides have a different end of the stick.

You are gay and you've realised that you're gay. For a straight person, it might be easy for them to think "I am straight. It is how it's meant to be. Why can't they be straight?".
Yes, it's flawed logic but if they want to believe it then they can. Because people or the Church are telling them that they should, the will try to believe that it's a bad thing or can be changed. Then they can delve into the whole issue of choice.
You can change this though. Ultimately you are family and to your mum and sister you are more important than the Church because of this. If you want to speak to them about it, you can always bring up the topic. They might be uncomfortable with it or whatever but as soon as you let them and encourage them to take an interest in it and understand it, they will.

 

1. Is it something we are just born with and have to live with?
I think so, but there is no "proof" of anything yet...

2. Is it acquired from the early stages of our childhood?
I think this may play into it a bit, but only by enforcing what is already there.

3. Is it because of a distend mom or dad in our lives.
no. While this may again enforce what is already there, I don't believe this has much to do with it at all. If you read the "Gayby's" article posted recently, you will have seen the part where it says that there are equal proportions of hetero/homosexual people who have been raised by same-sex parents as not. There are lots of single mothers and fathers, not all of the children parented by only one person turn out to be gay.

4. Is it a choice that we just randomly decide?
Why. Why would anyone in the world CHOSE a life of persecution and discrimination??? I know not every gay person out there has to deal with negative reactions or comments, but a large majority do.
Along with this, I do not think we can change. I think that any gay to straight conversion program out there is damaging and basically torture. Being gay is not a bad thing, it's not a sin (unless you misinterpret the "word of God" that has already been through a game of telephone (to anyone who is religious, don't think I'm dissing the bible, I am Mennonite, I just think that context is everything and since God didn't write it him/herself, there are the opinions of the writers interjected all over the place...))

As for your mother and sister, think about how long it has taken you to get to this point where you are (more) comfortable with your sexuality, recognize this and give them time (granted, I don't know how long it has been already...). Also Prayers for Bobby is a great, heart wrenching story. If a mother doesn't come around after watching that, I don't know what will.
Good luck with your mom and sister!

 

1. Is it something we are just born with and have to live with?
Possibly. Not just genetics but possibly exposure to hormones or other developmental things while mother was pregnant. If it were purely genetic... It's kind of counter-productive to being passed on.

2. Is it acquired from the early stages of our childhood?
Possibly. How is still a mystery. Much the same as how a lot of character development is rather a mystery.

3. Is it because of a distend mom or dad in our lives.
I had a good relationship with both my parents.

4. Is it a choice that we just randomly decide?
No. Because try as they might there's no success to switching sides. And other people above listed why it's very unlikely someone would voluntarily choose.

 

i think it might just be a mix between being born with it and developing in our childhood, like maybe a connection in our braindwas a lttle off or cunfused or something and our brain chose an example from our experiences like maybe your dad kissed you on the head when you were born and you believed it was normal.... truly i have no idea what i am talking about , i would just google it...

 

I believe you were born with it, probably because of the hormones received in your mother's womb and *maybe* a genetic predisposition... There's a fascinating article that summarizes the medical hypothesis on what makes us gay here:

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/magazine/articles/2005/08/14/what_makes_people_gay/

Anectodal AND scientific evidence clearly show it is not a choice and not because of anything our parents did or didn't do.

 

I don't know how it happened. Some people might have been born that way but I'm fairly certain I wasn't. I'm not sure how it happened to me though because I remember a clear attraction to girls when I was younger. I don't know how or why the 180 switch occurred.

 

1. Is it something we are just born with and have to live with? Yes, but you don't have to live with it.
2. Is it acquired from the early stages of our childhood? I think so, based on some genetic/hormonal factors.
3. Is it because of a distend mom or dad in our lives. Doubtful.
4. Is it a choice that we just randomly decide? Extremely Doubtful.

Can we change ourselves if we wanted to. Of course, it's not easy (almost impossible) and we'd be met with lots of people telling us we can't ever do it, but you are what you let yourself be.

 

I believe I was born bisexual. I think the hormones in the womb thing might have something to it. But I also believe that your early upbringing might affect your sexuality somewhat, though I'm not sure how. I definitely don't think it's because of distant parents. My parents were both kind of distant. I'm bisexual. I really don't think that's related in any way. Not that there's probably even any research or theories on that, because no one ever thinks of the bisexuals! Seriously, most research into sexuality is focussed on gays. 'People are gay because of hormones in the womb!' 'People are gay because of overbearing mothers and distant fathers!' ..... Aaaand what about the bisexuals? No one knows. It's a little frustrating. I would like some more research into why people are bisexual, please. And less of the 'bisexuality is not a valid sexual orientation! bisexuals don't exist! bisexuals are confused!' stuff.

I don't think anyone can consciously decide who they're attracted to, but what you CAN decide is how you want to live your life and how you label yourself. So, for example, some people who society might decide are behaving bisexually might not label themselves as bisexual. But being attracted to both men and women in itself is not an actual choice. Not in my opinion, anyway. Some people might believe otherwise.

I don't think we can change what we inherently FEEL, but we can deny it, try to hide from it, and pretend to be heterosexual for whatever reasons. There will be gay people out there who either pretend or have actually convinced themselves that they're straight and therefore have married someone of the opposite sex and tried to settle down and live what they think is a 'normal' life. But they might still feel attractions to the same sex. That's not truly changed. But of course you can choose what you label yourself as and how you live! Just not how you feel.

 

1.

Although I don't think it's "something I have to live with". I consider it something I've been blessed with.

Lex

 

I don't really know. I have trouble saying I was born with it, because there are many things from my childhood that sort of line up with it. My parents were (are) always fighting, my dad was always gone working, and my mom has borderline personality disorder (she can be a totally different person one day to the next). I also grew up with a very noticeable inferiority complex, and for some reason men have always really intimidated me. Not as friends (I have a ton of guy friends) but as romantic partners. I just could never see myself letting myself be that vulnerable to one for some reason, while with women I feel like I'm sort of on a more level playing field. I don't know why.

As for being born with it, though, that seems likely considering my family history. My mom is bisexual, and her sister (my aunt) is a lesbian, too.

Personally, I think it's kind of a mix of nature and nurture, but nobody knows for sure. All I know is that it's NOT a choice, and that fact is more important than knowing exactly HOW it happened.