Basically I fell in love (yes it is true laugh if you want) with a girl. And then she left me. And I really miss her it has been 147 days and 5:45 hours (nearly 6 months). I really miss her like a massive part of me is missing, no like all of me is missing all that seems to be left is this depression, empty feeling within a shattered object (formally known as me). I know I can never let her go completely and finding someone else is out of the question, but the problem is that I feel so lonely, just so lonely that I sit in my room for hours talking to the walls (laugh if you wish). I can see that I am ripping her apart and I don't want that so I have tried my best now to hide it from her, but she knows. What do I do, I feel I cannot win. I went out with another girl for 3 weeks after she left me but I could barley hug her, it was all wrong it being anyone else than her. We used to listen to the Aerosmith album "Pump" and she would try to teach me to dance (ballroom stuff to see if it would work) and now I cannot listen to it, at all. I haven’t listened to it since the day she left me, along with a lot of other great music that I love; but it just brings me back to ODing and SHing. Which she has incidentally started doing recently, which tipped me over the edge: she is and was so beautiful that I A- cannot bear to see her spoiled and B-cannot bear seeing her so unhappy. She smiles at another now and it just turns me to dust when I see it. I have nearly killed myself twice, first time OD second time wrists. Both failed as you may have noticed and before you say I should I am already seeing my GP and he is getting me a psychologist for depression, hallucinations, what might be schizophrenia, self harming and paranoia. So I have enough stuff to deal with without this crushing me although it may have been the trigger for a lot of it: the straw that broke the camel’s back or in this case the break up that disintegrated Jake. So what do I do? How should I deal with this loneliness? :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang:
Accept the things you can not change. Accept it. You haven't really accepted it. Say it out loud. Don't pine for her. Don't wish for things to be different. Don't listen to music that makes you sad. Accept your current situation and move on. You have a LONG life ahead of you. This situation, whether you can see it now or not, is simply a 'blip' in this very long journey that is called your life. So focus on school. Focus on family. Focus on friends. Focus on a worthwhile charity or volunteer position. I'm glad to hear that you're working with your doctor and looking to get a therapist. You need to learn how to cope with this loss in your life in a more constructive way. Feel free to PM me any time - especially if you're feeling down. Suicide isn't the solution for anything.
Family - no i have pritty much been disowned Friends are getting sick of me I have gigs to play so we will go with that!
I missed out on a gig last night cause my Guitar teacher is immpossible to contact so i didn't get to play, got one next week though!
This is going to be tough, but you're going to have to start distancing yourself from her. Relationships are supposed to make us better people. But it would appear that she is not doing this for you. You may think she's the daughter of heaven, but consider. You're ticking off seconds since you broke up...nearly six months later. You're self-harming, you're suicidal, and every time you see her (or, apparently, think of her), you're falling further apart. Maybe she is an amazing person. But she's not amazing for you. You're gonna need to put her aside, at least for now, until you get back to a better, more stable place. She's presumably in school with you. Not much you can do about that. But she apparently knows what you're going through. So tell her you're gonna have to put some distance between you for the time being. Block her phone number. Delete her e-mail info. Delete and block her from IM, facebook, myspace. Stop visiting websites where she hangs out. Your goal right now should be singular and all-encompassing. Get back to a better place. Lex
Now that is gonna be one of the hardest things, and she hangs out on this site and I cannot do without this site , but I will try it. I think. Sorry Rachel
Sorry, i really am, really really so so so sorry but I need to look after mysalf, get my self out of this place And you are right amazing doesn't anywhere near cover how fantastic you are you.
