So last night I had a really horrible revelation. I have always thought of myself as a person that doesn't care about looks. It's all in the personality, isn't it? I have preached about this several times to friends and what not. In actuality, looks are of medium importance to me, but I tend to be picky about it. I have been talking to this guy over the past week and his personality has captivated me and I am really attracted to it. However, after he showed me a picture of him, I sort of lost a little bit of interest. It's not like I haven't seen pictures of him before but this particular picture of him- I didn't really like it. He didn't look good in it. That's when i had this bad revelation that I actually do care about looks. I need help and advice on this! It's a possibility to let Mr. Right pass by because you are preoccupied by looks and that is a terrifying thought. I am really sick of people only commenting on how good looking I am and I think that has influenced me to seek a partner with good looks as well. Can anyone please help me and shed some light on this? I know opinions may vary, but I just need someone to advice me on this. Sigh. I didn't know that I was like this. I actually hate it and wish I wasn't
Everybody has that one really bad picture out there that we all hate, but don't let it ruin a good thing you already have going. (*hug*)
Well, as they say, the heart wants what the heart wants. If you're not interested in a guy because he's not that attractive, because he likes hip-hop, because he wears lousy clothes, or because his name starts with a vowel, then you're not interested in him. That's it. The term "shallow" comes in, I think, if you don't give people a fair shake. If you take a quick glance at somebody, say "ick - no thanks" and move on, then you're being shallow. If you spend some time with him, wait for something to click, and nothing happens, then you're not being shallow. You've given things a chance to develop, and nothing has. I still have a concern, though. Although you don't say so in your post, it would appear you haven't met in real life. (I can't imagine you liked a guy in real life, and then saw a photo of them which would lead you to reject them.) I've always been reluctant to tell people to assume that they're really "in love" until they've met in real life. And now I'm happy to do the opposite. I wouldn't assume anything based on the photo until you meet him in real life. Because a photo is a second in time, and it can be very flattering or very unflattering. God knows I've got photo albums full of pictures of me looking hideous. I'm just one of those people that doesn't photograph well. And maybe your friend is like that, as well. And in-person "chemistry" is something that can't be predicted. You might decide you actually like that crooked nose or spare tire. So chalk the bad photo up to a possible sign, but wait until you meet in person to make your final decision. Lex
Super support HO! And now for the serious bit. People have attractions and anyone who tells you otherwise are dirty, stinkin' liars. We all have things we like to see in a man or woman. Big breasts, small breasts, skinny, curvy, blonde, brunette, wakeboarder, chessplayer... The list can really go on forever. Don't feel bad about it. First off, you say that you are interested in the guy. And then, he shows you an unflattering photograph. That's all it is: a bad picture. There are some HELLA ugly pictures of me on the net. I mean, I have a double-chin going and everything. But I'm really not an ugly person. So there was a bad photograph, don't panic. Just because you weren't attracted to him for a second doesn't mean that you aren't attracted to him at all. If he sent you a picture of himself in the lavatory, I'm sure you wouldn't be attracted to it. You know, unless you are into scat or something. But whatever, besides the point. Like Lex said, if you haven't met the guy, you really cannot properly gage chemistry. So it's okay that you judged a human being by their appearance. As long as you are open to changing that judgement, you are deeper than the Pacific.
Well, you need to find a significant other attractive. Otherwise, it won't work. But if it's just that one picture, don't worry. I look HORRIBLE in a great many picture, but there are some that I don't/
Hmm, I really think you are being too hard on yourself. With popular culture so focused on looks and beauty, it's tough for most people to not factor that into an impression. I think especially because you haven't met in person yet (I assume), his looks and his personality are still somewhat divorced from each other, and so it is easier to see each one in a separate light. Once you meet him, it'll be the overall package that you are dealing with.
Well there has been some guys I was going to meet, but they changed their mind after I posted a a certain picture of me. Personally I dont like my photo being taken, and admit there are some photos of me I dont like. There are some guys that have asked me for lots of face pics of me before deciding to meet. I hate that. Even though its his personality that really attracted to you, the real reality will set in once you 2 meet. Only truly judge him after you meet him.
Ok we met in person tonight (Went out to dinner yum) and for some reason the chemistry that I wanted wasn't really there. He IS a sweet caring guy. He looks very different in a lot of pictures (Idk why) and in person as well. I think that if the chemistry isn't there then it's a no...I'm not sure. And Lex- I am not one of those people that doesn't give others a chance. I do give them a chance to see if things can work out, so don't worry Thanks for the help everyone, I really really appreciate it. I have read all of your responses very carefully. Thank you
I've had this happen before. They're great personality, but you don't feel pulled to them in person, and some of their photos you don't feel pulled to either. Be honest with yourself. If you are not attracted to him "in that way" then you can probably settle with being "just friends".
Git over it! lol. There is something about sexual attraction that is a bit indescribable. Sometimes it turns us on and attracts us, other times it repells us. Its part of all of us, otherwise we'd all be platonic. YUK! Enjoy your sexuality, and be responsive to it, is my take.
don't let one bad picture ruin what can be a perfect relationship. you may have found mr. right so dont let him go because of one bad picture. we all have those. btw as much as we all preach that looks dont matter, deep inside we all do look at looks not only personality when finding our soulmate. don't feel bad about that. but if only one picture made u feel that way, he may be the perfect one (with one bad pic lol). hope it works out.
Personally, looks don't matter to me at all he could be 600 lbs and hideous, but only if I can gain something from the relationship like true love. That sounds odd, but I am working out and trying to make myself the best thing that hit the planet Earth since Adonis (I have 6 months before I turned 18) so I have to hurry up, and all. I haven't dated or even been kissed yet, because I was always in the closet, and I am planning to officially come out before 18 soon. Ehh this isn't helping, okay well if there's no chemistry than don't try to force it. I looked at your pictures, and I wouldn't want to date you, so i can totally understand what you mean when you see someone that isn't attractive towards you. I am really superficial, but I forget looks because I look at people's heart, and if they are nice then that's all that really matters too me. If you really don't see it then no matter how hard you try, (unless you give in to your heart) you will never love him back like he would love you. It wouldn't be fair for him to waste time when he could meet his Mr. Right? Right.
Never feel bad for looking at someone and thinking "meh." I have gotten to know some rather homely people and they've turned-out to be a blast. I would still not date them. Hell, I met Mr. Perfect and he went vegan. Sorry, turn-off. Is it silly? Perhaps. However, I want eggs for breakfast, not a hemp shake. Some small turn-offs for me can be poor comma usage, not holding the fork in the left hand, it can get rather silly. But I'm me. I won't make excuses for what I like.
"I looked at your pictures, and I wouldn't want to date you" That's the first time I've ever heard that. Um, thanks?? Anyways, thanks for the continuing feedback!
"Ehh this isn't helping, okay well if there's no chemistry than don't try to force it. I looked at your pictures, and I wouldn't want to date you, so i can totally understand what you mean when you see someone that isn't attractive towards you. I am really superficial, but I forget looks because I look at people's heart, and if they are nice then that's all that really matters too me." That's extremely contradicting by the way, lol.
