1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Flashing Back

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by AtomicCafe, Jul 4, 2009.

  1. AtomicCafe

    AtomicCafe Guest

    For a bit of background: one year ago yesterday, one of my best friends died. That same week, I was disowned for being gay and thrown out of the house. I had lived in an abusive household, too, so being thrown out was a week-long thing of being beaten daily before I was finally thrown out. This week is the anniversary of all of that, and I feel like I'm doing crazy. I've purposely filled up this entire week so I wouldn't have any time to dwell, but I'm getting all these flashbacks to that week.

    This hasn't happened before, and I've been incredibly happy this past year being around people to love me and my doing well in school and everything. Does anyone know how to make all the emotions and everything ease up a little?
     
  2. Rygirl

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2008
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    South east England
    Oh mate I'm so sorry. This might not be the answer you're looking for but the only person who can make the flashbacks stop is you. The fact that you are getting flashbacks of that week shows that psycologically you are not over it, and why should you be? From what you've described you went through hell, I would be very surprised if someone could get over that in only a year. It sounds a bit like you were anticipating this week, and that would only remind you of everything that happened.
    The best thing to do is to give yourself time, like you said, you are surrounded by people who care about you. Make plans, enjoy yourself, its independance day, but don't deliberately fill your time up, if those around you love you then they will support you as well.
     
  3. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    Red Sapphire is right.

    The fact that you're having flash backs that are reoccurring and seem to be very strong is indication that you're not fully over the events. And really, it's going to be difficult to overcome them as that is a life changing experience. But, in order to get closure you might have to talk to your parents. The only way to move on though is to forget or forgive really.
    (*hug*)
     
  4. Kenko

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2007
    Messages:
    1,378
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    It's not uncommon for people who experienced something traumatic to be reminded of it or have flashbacks on anniversaries and holidays. Sorry I can't help with specific coping techniques.

    I hope your current situation is much better.(*hug*)
     
  5. RCooper

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2009
    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Connecticut
    I would recommend seeing a therapist. If you are having flashbacks, it could be PTSD. People have gotten it from less. And even if you don't have it, a therapist can be really helpful in dealing with painful memories.
     
  6. JakeBHT

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2009
    Messages:
    257
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    cambridge, England
    I agree with below poster, get help, the professionals are there for a reason!
     
  7. JakeBHT

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2009
    Messages:
    257
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    cambridge, England
    And I don't mean Bodie and doyle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    (Just to try and make people smile!)
     
  8. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    One thing you might do on your own is take some time to tackle the emotions. Feel free to be pissed at the people who abused you, to feel gypped at not getting a better draw in the family department, and to feel grief on the passing of your friend. Then move on to feeling extremely fortunate that you're in a much better place now. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  9. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm sorry to hear of your situation, but how wonderful that you've found a supportive group of people around you and gotten out of what was obviously an unhealthy situation.

    It's pretty normal to experience renewed grief/anger/rage at the anniversary of a traumatic event, and in your case, you had two very intense events right around the same time so it's no wonder you're feeling some anxiety and other sensations around the anniversary.

    One of the best things you can do is use a cognitive approach; just gently remind yourself by thinking about how good your current situation is, how you've moved past what happened, and have found supportive people around you. And, as you've done, keeping yourself occupied can really help as well. Sometimes, making little notes to provide you with positive reinforcements can help. But in most cases, the feelings will pass within a few days.