Hey, I've been reading posts on EC for awhile, but have finally decided to make an account and post. So, I'm 22, just graduated university and moved back in with my parents for the summer to save money. I'm not out yet, sadly, and I've never been in a relationship with a guy. This is going to sound immature and pathetic, but here's the thing, I started a new job a few weeks ago and there's a really amazing guy I work with, he's attractive and fun to hang out with. We get along great, but like most closet cases, I'm not sure if he's gay or straight. But that's not even the problem, after I developed a huge crush on the guy, I found out he's only 17!!! Is that weird? I haven't felt this way about a guy in a very long time and when he gets back from vacation next week I plan on telling him that I'm gay so I don't torture myself wondering if he is, or isn't. I'm tired of analyzing our interactions together to try and determine if he likes me. I like him, but I don't know if I should bother, I am almost six years older than him, out of university and he's still in highschool. We are at different stages in our lives, I've been offered a job overseas and should be leaving in the fall. I'm just a huge mess and embarassed I've fallen for a 17 year old, who very well could be straight. I'm just going to point out also, that age of consent in Canada is 16 (albeit 18 for anal sex) so there is nothing illegal about it. I don't know, what do you all think? I'm not even sure what I'm asking really...just needed to put my thoughts into text.
Well first off, welcome to EC and I'm glad you decided to join our family. Well, you can lie about having anal sex if anyone asks. :lol: I think it's funny that Canada actually has an anal penetration law. But anyway, it's okay. It's not your fault that you've fallen in love. Albeit with a 17 year old, that's not bad. I don't want to shoot you down but I know you like him but I think it'll be very difficult for you two due to the age differences. Not because of maturity, but because he may have ambitions to go to college, move away, and just start his life and you may hold him back or alter those which he may later regret. I'd take things slow, but I'd make sure he's gay first. Or at least bi. You might want to ask him. Before even getting your hopes up, you'll want to confirm his sexuality. I'd hate for you to make plans and get so far ahead of yourself only to find out he's straight. So do that first.
I don't know why you should be embarrassed. It's not like you went out and were like, "Where can I find me a high school boy?" From what you've said, the fact that you have no idea if he's into guys and the fact that you're possibly leaving the country in a few months sound like the limiting factors (well, apart from you being in the closet), although as you say, the different life stages thing can also be a barrier. Depends a lot on the situation and the two people involved. You'd probably be better off devoting time and emotional energy into coming out than in trying to navigate a relationship with someone who's still in high school while you're still in the closet. Can I be nosy and ask why you didn't come out at uni? Were you at a small one somewhere? I've just always thought that if you figure it out while at university, it seems like, overall, the best kind of environment to come out in. I guess that varies depending on which university you're at and what program you're in, though. It's just that universities are hotbeds of people reinventing themselves and trying out new and different identities.
Not to be the bearer of bad news but u should let his one go. It's not a bad thing that he is younger than u. Let's look at the facts long distance relationships nvr work especially overseas ones. A few months isn't long enough to develop that kind of relationship with the guy, when u do live it's going to hurt alot worse than it does now. On the other hand if u do come out to him it's going to put ur mind at ease. If I we're u I'd work on building a friendship with him. If he truly wants to be ur friend after he knows ur gay then it's a step in the right direction.
Hi, and welcome to EC! It's great that you're taking the steps of exploring yourself, being willing to consider putting yourself out there to someone, and being open enough to express your concerns and ask for advice. In general, a 6 year age difference between your two ages is a pretty big deal because, as you said, you're at pretty different stages of your lives, and typically one grows and changes an awful lot between 17 and 22. However, the other consideration here is... you haven't had a relationship yet, and you aren't out yet, so in terms of your emotional development, you may be a little behind your peers, and so seeing someone a few years younger might in some ways feel more natural to you, because that person might feel more developmentally appropriate. So I wouldn't go harshing on yourself because you felt the attraction; as Joey said, you didn't go out looking for a high school kid, it just happened. One other thing: While I agree with Joey that university is a great place to come out, I'd also encourage you not to feel any pressure to come out now or next month or next year. It's something best done on your own timetable, and lots of people aren't ready or don't feel safe coming out in their university years. My guess is, the fact that you're posting here is probably a sign your getting close to ready to come out, but just to put your mind at ease, there are plenty of people who don't feel safe or ready until their mid-20s or later.
