This is mostly a rant. But my problem is my father. We just had another argument, nothing out of the ordinary. It's almost a routine for us. And, quite frankly, I'm sick of it. He is, by definition, an alcoholic. He and I argue over the most ridiculous things. For example: EVERY day this week, he has come home and picked a fight with both my sister and me. Usually about our chores. Everytime we argue, when I stand up for myself, he claims that "I'm being a smart ass." I honestly don't understand it. He claims that I don't respect him, which is true. I cannot respect anyone who is a complete asshole. He's a poor excuse for a father. He constantly bully's my sister (his stepdaughter) over anything and everything. He sometimes calls us names, like dumbass, smartass, stupid, etc. (verbal abuse) That part doesn't really bother me anymore. I promised myself, years ago, that I would never let his words hurt me again. We can never have a serious talk that doesn't end up in an argument. He, just recently started, telling me that "this is his house, and if I don't like it, I could pack my shit and leave." That pisses me off so much, because I don't have a defense when he says that. I have no place that I can go, or would want to go. I know I don't hate him, and that most of what I'm saying is out of anger. But, I can honestly say, I'm not sure if I love him. He is just a rude, nasty asshole that failed as a father. One day I hope he realizes that. There's not much anyone on here can do, I guess I just wanted to get this off of my chest. Thanks for listening.
In life when your parents tell you your a smart ass, thats their way of telling you your right and they are wrong. Your dad sounds like a bad role model. Make sure you your a good one for your sister and show her what a real gentelman is supposed to act like.
Hey, It's really tough having a parent who is disrespectful, and having an alcoholic parent creates an even bigger set of issues because of the screwed up family dynamics and all sorts of emotional baggage it causes. I would highly recommend a couple of books if you aren't already familiar with the issues of being an adult child of an alcoholic. One is Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet G. Woititz, the other is Children of Alcoholics, a Survivor's Manual by Judith S. Seixas. When I first read these, back in my mid-20s, they were an incredible eye-opener about the family dynamics, communication dysfunctions, and all of the emotional issues that adult children of alcoholics (ACoAs) face. Gaining understanding about the issues gave me a much better ability to cope with, and change for myself the aspects of my interactions. It may seem like BS, but I think you'll feel an incredible sense of relief if you get hold of one or both of these. The other thing is... even though those words may not hurt any more, they've already had their effect on you. And you'll overcome the effects, but it will take time, and you'll probably need to be out from under his thumb before you can really take a big enough step back to look at the whole situation and process it all. Finally, I think the ambivalence you feel as to whether or not you love him is completely normal and understandable, and common to just about everyone who has an alcoholic parent. You have every right to be really angry at him. You don't deserve to be treated like crap, devalued, insulted by a parent; they are supposed to love and support you unconditionally. So to not be angry at him would actually be really unusual. Now, under the circumstances, I don't think you should act or necessarily even show the anger, since at the moment, he does hold most of the cards. But just allow yourself to keep in mind that living at his house is a means to an end, until you can move out and support yourself. There is hope that he will someday understand. Many alcoholic parents do eventually hit bottom and get their lives together and seek to make amends. But whether he does or not, you're already learning how to live your own life in a healthier way, and seeking out ways to let go of the hurt that he's caused you. And the other thing I can say is, in a weird way, growing up as an ACoA does have its virtues; it can help make you strong and capable and responsible, among many other admirable traits. I would never wish it on anyone, but I can see some of the strengths that many who have come from that background have gained because of it.
That is too bad, my father and me are in two different worlds, and I ignore him completely and cut him out of my life (mentally and emotionally; but he’s there physically). I feel nothing for him anymore, and I am only nice to him so we will not get into an argument. I do not deal with people that ludicrous anyways, since it is a waste of my time. He probably thinks I love him, but I do not, my love for him has ended recently completely. I know he has no respect for me, and I do not care anymore. If he told me to get out of the house, and I wished he did now, then I would slammed that door on him and go somewhere. I do not know where, and I will not return, and I will still go to school. I’ll find a way, hopefully, but I do not think that’s going to happen since we don’t hate each other, but just mutual ignore. Reason is he does not respect me as his son, and I am not going to deal with that. If someday I become rich then he isn’t going to get one red penny, and if he asked for something I will laughed at his face and say no to him. I act like I care for him, but I don't inside, so he'll never know. Well for you, the best thing to do is try to help with his alcohol, and if he does not get the help than at least you tried. Show him respect, but if you don’t want to then don’t. If it means you live in his home then do it I guess, force respect.
I've had to listen to that "It's my house." speech a thousand times. "If you don't like it, then get out." is pretty fuckin' easy to say, isn't it? Especially when they're not doing or planning on doing anything to help you get out, right? What hypocrisy. :roflmao: Try to blow it off. There is almost no useful defense against that. The only thing to do would be to move. But right now, for me and probably you too, that's near impossible. I am not one to make bad financial decisions, but living under the same roof as a shitty parent is difficult. But really, the best thing to do would be get a job and money, then move. And you don't have to love your father. Some parents are really shitty and don't realize the consequences of their actions or words. While some on here may tell you to make up to your father, I won't. :dry: I know first hand that parents can be shittier than anyone else in the world. Why? Because they're our parents. They should nurture us, and create a peaceful or loving environment but some just don't get it. And some never will. If he's going to continue being a shit to you, just leave when you can and never look back. Get your closure and move on. There are more important things in your life and really, he's probably just going to be another pebble on the road in your life. Have a good day Xena!
I know exactly how you feel. My step dad is the same way and we go through that almost every day at my house. If you ever want to rant about it, you can always talk to me about it. (*hug*)
Don't worry ranting is ok in my book! First let me say that im sorry that your father treats you like that, but i can understand where you are coming from. My father is kinda the same and when i read what you wrote i felt like i could really relate. My dad is addicted to WOW (world of warcraft) and he didn't use to be the way he is now. He use to help around the house, he use to do things with my brother and me.After the game came everything changed. Big time! He started saying things like, "Why should i have to do all the house work if we have women around!" From then on me and my mom did most of the house work, the guys in my family don't have to do anything. It sucks! He treats my mom like trash and he swears in almost every sentence. He never lets me explain myself and just like your father the insults are non stop! Examples: At age 11 he yelled at me for not having a job. He called me a B**** one night when i was 9 and so on! Anyway good luck i hope everything works out!
