It seems that somewhere in my life I have accumulated these so called "friends". You know the ones who only want to hang out with you when you drink. You bring it up and they call you emotional and finally admit you really aren't friends. I parted way with all of them because that jus isn't where I need to be. I have no friends who I consult, hang out with outside of parties/ bars/ clubs. The nearest place I can go for support of orgs of people with common interest is 35 min away and being unemployed gas would destroy me. I'm sick of being alone and not sure what to do. I was a reject in high school, and now I feel like I'm in the same shape again.
Oh no =( I feel bad for you cause i've been to New Haven and it's a pretty dead town. I wish I could tell you where to find friends. =\ I guess you just need to find a new group of kids to party with but be able to do something else outside of a club too. Goodluck! Let me know how it goes!
I know how it feels, I've had those kind of friends too. I parted with many of them as well, there's no point in staying friends if you're really not. However I do have two very close friends and I can always count on them and the other way around. I wish you luck and hope you'll find someone who'll be a real friend and be there for you when you need him.
Start looking around for some cheap activities you might want to get involved in? Look online. Any gay organizations, volleyball leagues, biking clubs, cheap adult education classes sound interesting? Interested in volunteering somewhere? Lex
In general, if you're looking for people to develop quality, meaningful relationships, you won't find them in clubs and bars. While there are of course exceptions, you'll have a lot better luck on the whole if you consider some of the activities Lex has suggested. Volunteering can be a great way to meet new people who are less self-centered because to be willing to volunteer, someone has to have at least a certain amount of generosity and concern for others. And some area have things like gay bowling nights; my area has a bowling league specifically for terrible bowlers as well. Pflag sometimes has social events (or, at least, knows of them) where gay people hang out. There are quite a few gay people who were "rejects" in high school, and honestly, the people who were "popular" in high school are often not the ones you'd really want to hang and have a deep conversation with anyway, so I wouldn't get too down on yourself because of that.
I kind of have a similar thing going on - I only see most of my friends when I am out drinking with them - but the fact is that I do like their company and i'd like to think they like mine. I guess its not easy to admit that that isnt the case - and it means starting all over again - I wish you the best of luck.
Again I live in a small suburban town with a limited cash flow, most volunteering, gay groups, etc. are over 35 min drive away.
I find it hard to believe that in a town of 125,000, in New England, in 2009, that you're the only openly gay man in town. I lived in Farmington NM (a town of 40,000) in 1995, and I wasn't the only openly gay man in town. But this doesn't have anything to do with being gay, from what I can tell. It has to do with meeting people, getting to know them, and making friends. Lex
I have been in the same place myself my so called friend's used to be just drinking friend's and stuff. I had a few good friend's but kinda parted away from them because I have now got new interest's and it can be hard changing your hole life but it is all for the better. Still getting there and sometimes I find it hard to build a good friendship with people because I have never had that. I am just trying to get that no and my feeling's are up and down like a YO, YO.
I'm going to amplify what Lex is saying. You can look at the problem and shoot down whatever solutions are offered, and adopt (or maintain) an attitude of hopelessness, or you can approach things by saying "Maybe there are possibilities I haven't considered, or perhaps I haven't looked around hard enough. I've lived in towns smaller than 8,000, and places next to some of the largest cities in the US. There are *always* out gay people, even in the most podunk, backwards, rednecky towns. And there are always resources where you can meet people. Not necessarily gay ones, but people who are likely to be more openminded... which, in turn, means there are likely to be people that might be gay, but don't publicize the fact. The bottom line is... do you want to argue about why there are no options open to you, and therefore justify continually feeling unhappy or unfulfilled, or do you want to work to find a solution to your problem? I don't mean to be harsh, but if you want to improve your situation, I think that opening your mind to the possibility that there may be solutions would be a good first step.
I agree with the last two posts.....there are almost certainly people around you who can offer support. If you're saying there's noone, that's probably just your fear talking. But I think that in itself is ok....recognising you fear is part of the process, and while we all want you to enjoy real freedom and get your life back on track, you've gotta do that at your own speed. You've found us, and there's a chatroom here. Maybe the reality is that you'll be spending lots of time on the internet over the next few months And hopefully doing so will help you to find people in your own town to talk to.
