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Am I Depressed or Something?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Kaim, Jul 7, 2009.

  1. Kaim

    Kaim Guest

    Recently, it feels like there's a cloud looming over my head so to say.

    It started when I had a recent talk with my brother on Skype. He brought up the subject if I had a boyfriend or a girlfriend yet. I told him no, and he asked me "You ARE going to get a girlfriend, right?" Since I'm not in much of a position to completely rebel against him, I don't have much of a choice but to lead him on and submit to his questions. Then came the kicker that he told me he's not likely to accept me if I don't identify myself as at least bisexual. Since then I haven't felt right. My parents want me to maintain frequent contact with my brother, but after what he said to me I really don't want to. But if I were to tell my parents that, they would talk to my brother and he may out me to them. I don't know if he really would do that, but he's the kind of person that if there is something he can take advantage of, he will. Lately, he's been sending my parents fancy gifts from Poland (my country of origin, and where he lives now. Long story about that), and to me it seems like he's buttering them up to go on his side if I ever do come out, or if he decides to out me.

    I think that perhaps I'm over-analyzing the above situation, which typically is what I do when I get stressed. The other part that has me concerned is that my sense of humor just disappeared. It's happened in the past to me, but it comes back somehow. Like, I can find comedy and other funny antics amusing, but I can't laugh out loud as sometimes I would have done. On top of that, there's like this cloudy ambiguous feeling in my head. Kind of like a headache, but not that it bothers you. I've considered that it may have to do with that I don't go outside too much. Typically I stay home most days of the week and play video games while sustaining my basic needs such as hunger and thirst. Most of my friends don't live too close to me, and I don't have a car either so getting around is a hassle. Then I don't know how to feel about asking others to give me a ride. It kind of implies to me that I have to return the favor, but I'm unable to.

    Then the other stupid thing that comes to mind right now is knowing if I can do something fun for people. I'm somewhat shy, my house doesn't have a lot, a couple of DVDs and video games, and it's stupid to ask but would those be reasons to invite people over to have some fun with me? It's just that I wish I had the capability to entertain people too. Like, what do most of you typically do when you call your buddies over to hang out?

    I know this seems all over the place, but I feel that I just have to put it out there. Tell somebody, because I'm not sure I can deal with this all completely all by myself.
     
  2. Markio

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    In regards to the brother situation, he sounds like a poophead.:eusa_snoo I just wouldn't talk about dating with him, and if he brings it up again like that, just say you're not dating, or to drop it. You're his brother, and there's more to you than your sexual orientation.

    In regards to the home front, I would suggest reading books or exercising if you say you don't get out much. Developing healthy habits is always a good thing.:eusa_danc

    In regards to friends, I don't think it's that bad to not invite people over. As long as you socialize in some way, or try to be nice to people--my roommate in college stayed in the room all day and said rude things, and I think it's because he never learned to talk to people. I'm shy too, but I try to be nice and met people through clubs that I got involved with, like musicals and more recently a GSA. If you like video games, maybe there's a video game club at your school, or maybe you have friends who would be interested in your selection. And we're you friends here at EC too, I'd wager.(&&&)
     
  3. jayhad90

    jayhad90 Guest

    Wow thats a hard thing to deal with about your bro. sorry he seems like a butt. I agree with markio about your situation with him.
    and about the depression and not fealing anything i can relate there are sometimes where i dont feal a thing for anyone and i hate when im like that so i read it brings me to another place it helps me a lot so i think it might help you. sorry i know its kinda crappy advice but i hope it helps and if you ever need to talk to someone i would really enjoy listening.:eusa_danc
     
  4. KatoKumi

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    I can't relate to the older brother situation. I know what it's like to not have him approve or feel pressured by him due to what he thinks of you, but other than that, I don't have much more.

    But I can relate to not being able to go around. I don't invite people to my house often; because I've lived at least a 30-minute drive away from each school I went to. I don't do much at my house, and there isn't much to entertain people with either. But when it comes down to it, all your friends want, really, is you

    You just need to have people you can confide in around you to loosen up; I'm sure you must be losing your sense of humor because your life is just crashing down and we all need a support system. When it comes to something like this, family is, like, the last place you go.

    You should spend time with your friends. Live your life [ayyyyy]; with all this death going down, you don't know how long you have. No use spending the time you have depressed, know?
     
  5. Étoile

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    Wow, your brother sounds like a jerk. Have you been close to your brother before he moved to Poland? Did you come out to him because you wanted to, you had no one else you felt comfortable opening up to, or you were forced to tell the truth or he caught you looking at gay-related stuff? The reason I ask is I want to know the conditions of him knowing when you know he would backstab you if it benefited him. I think you should be upfront with him: either tell him, "Look, I'm gay and there's no chance of me being bisexual." or firmly tell him to stop asking about your personal life since you're not comfortable or don't feel the need to answer his questions and in all honesty, it isn't any of his business, as long as you're not engaging in any risky behavior. And, do you have to talk to him? I know your parents want you to, but he's in Poland and you're in Illinois, so it'd be easy to avoid his e-mails/IMs. Plus, what do you think will happen if your parents found out? I know you said your family is Catholic but will they for sure disown you or will they eventually come around?

    I know exactly how you feel with the lack of humor and strange cloudy feeling. I'm either on the computer or reading a book all day, so I get little interaction with the outside world. Being cooped up in the house 24/7 can make you stir crazy! LOL But seriously, get out the house. Walk to the nearest store. Take a walk around the neighborhood. Heck, even talking to a friend over the phone is a little comforting. Do any of your friends have a car? You could always ask your parents to drop you off places if they're not busy, take a bus, or even ride a bike if the weather's suitable. And unless you're surrounded by people who do things for others only to expect something in return, I don't think you have to worry about feeling obliged to return the favor except if they ask.

    LOL, you sound a lot like my best friend with your last paragraph. He's the same way; over the 6 years I've known him, I've yet to go to his house because he says 'It's boring.' while he's been at my house numerous times because 'I have a lot to do at my house.' Material possessions shouldn't matter in a friendship, it's who owns those objects that you should enjoy spending time with. I'd much rather be with a small group of friends doing nothing than by myself watching the greatest movie ever. You guys can come up with some fun: pull out the board games, conversate, play musical chairs and duck, duck, goose with a twist if you have to. You can have a lot of fun if you're resourceful and creative.
     
    #5 Étoile, Jul 7, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2009
  6. hackingnomberr

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    Totally all over the place man, but totally okay.
    The whole brother situation is fucking ridiculous, but just lie to him and tell him your straight like if he treats you like that then he isn't even worth having is acceptance. As far as getting rides from friends, screw it get them, just pay for gas money if you feel any pang of guilt. I rarely have friends over anymore because I don't feel that I can entertain them, but it's totally cool to go out with them and stuff, I just pay for gas if their giving me a ride. I doubt you're actually depressed though you're probably just in a funk. If you want to talk about it more feel free to message me, though I'm not sure what good I can do haha.
    KH is an awesome series by the way. :]
     
  7. Chip

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    Kaim,

    I'm sorry to hear of the difficulties you're experiencing. I'm sure it's stressful for you to feel unsupported (and not-so-subtlely pressured) by your brother, but if you step back for a moment, it sounds a little outlandish that your brother would be buying your parents expensive presents solely so that he can bribe them to be unsupportive if you come out as gay.

    It sounds to me like your brother already *knows* that you're gay (even though you haven't admitted it yet) and is probably going through the denial stage. And... notice that he didn't say that he *wouldn't* support you... he said he's "not likely to" which in my mind is a world of difference. I think that he is in a sense "lobbying" you to be straight, and while he probably knows that isn't possible, he is nonetheless dealing with his denial by, in a sense, begging you to be straight or at least bi.

    If you feel comfortable doing so, you might start the process by saying you're bi (even if you know otherwise) because that will essentially buy you some breathing room. If he thinks there's the possibility you might end up with a girl, that will give him a window of hope... but the only problem is, it also makes it a little harder if you later want to close that door and describe yourself as solely gay, because they'll use the "But you haven't tried enough women yet" defense.

    And... I very seriously doubt your parents are going to be swayed to accept or reject you because of some gifts your brother bought them. Their love for you is what ultimately makes the difference. While they might have a hard time initially, very few parents feel so strongly about their religious or moral beliefs that they are willing to choose their religion or beliefs over the love of their children.
     
  8. Kaim

    Kaim Guest

    Thanks all of you for your comments. I slept on them and I'm starting to feel better already. (*hug*)

    My brother and I haven't really always been close, but maintained a middle ground, more on the positive side if he wasn't high on heroin, more on the negative when he was. I also didn't really plan to come out to him, one day he found my Myspace which states I'm gay. Of course, I did set myself up for that since I was friends with his now ex-girlfriend on Myspace, but even so I hardly ever use it. I do want to be firm with him and stand up to him, but I'm seriously rather afraid that I'll get disowned or kicked out. I mean, my dad kicked my brother out of the house for his heroin addiction.

    I admitted myself to my brother about my sexuality after he confronted me about it, and yes he already is going with the "you haven't tried women" excuse. He's still at the stage where he describes being homosexual as a decision. If the topic does come up I'm trying to keep the wording ambiguous. Though I don't like the idea of lying to him and myself. I seriously have no sexual interest in women, so if I were to force myself to try things with girls it would only hurt them and myself more in the long run.