Well I believe my mother thinks I am least bisexual, but I haven't come out to her completely. I know that because after she found out a huge clue (gay sex/life book; I was just curious what are the possibilities were and I haven't even dated a guy yet. It was bad luck that happened that day), she asked repeatedly if I was gay or bi for two weeks, then it went away. She didn't change her behaviors and still dislike gay people, she referred to my great aunt's nephew of mine as a "fag" (she's an in-law; but our family is like his only family here because he isn't from our country and he lived with her). He isn't out, but he's stereotypical gay. I am not. I don't even know what my outside personality is like, I hate it, but anyways that's how she acts towards them. The whole family talks about him negatively, and he was 14 or so when he came here, and now he's in his early 20's. But he isn't blood so it could be different than me. Today it caught my attention because she called these two guys as "fags" even though I can't tell if they were or not, I just look at them coming out of a truck, but I didn't look to good just shadows and quick glances. Well I don't think I am going to come out to my mother because of this. She said she fine if I was gay when she thought I was. But I know she really isn't and she just said that to make me say I was gay. She hopes I go to homecoming, and mentions my future wife (I'll be happier or something), and to date girls now. She's always been like this, so it isn't a change, but just normal behavior. So I don't know if I should come out, or what. My father dislikes me without coming out, and probably would hate me and it's just ugly so he'll never know. But I am confuse about my mother... even if I wasn't gay I still read that book, she must get a hunch I am not prejudice to gay people at the minimum. But she can't be that blind, and she isn't doing it to hurt me, but that's how she feels about them. They are like comedy to her.
I just responded to another thread on a similar issue to yours here. If the language has been going on for a relatively short time (couple months or less), I think there's a good possibility your mom knows, or at least strongly suspects, and is sort of going through her own denial process... by saying what she's saying, she's trying to separate "those crazy people" from her son, whom she loves. It sounds crazy, but that's sort of how the denial process works between the conscious and unconscious. I think you will eventually want to come out to her, but perhaps take some time, and/or ease into it slowly... drop some hints maybe. The only risk to the "I'm bi" route is it is sometimes a hard door to shut; some parents will cling to that for dear life, insisting well after you've had 5 boyfriends that "you could still find a girl, right?" because you once said you were bi. The bottom line is, it sounds like she really loves you and really cares but is probably scared and unsure. Just play it by ear and follow your intuition.
Yeah probably right But that's how she always responded to gay people, I just thought she would lessen just a bit. I'll give her more time until I come all the way out.
She obivously has big suspicions. It might not be easy, but if you feel strong enough, I would just tell her now. You are going to have to tell her at some point, and unless you really feel like you wouldn't be able to handle it, I think it's the right time to come out to her. The sooner you do the more time she has to come to terms with it. And it would make the situation evolve. Sometimes the right choice is the hard one...
She might know, and this will probably be her initial reaction to it. It could possibly be beneficial for you when you do eventually come out to her since she'll have passed the first couple of stages of denial and possibly feel less shocked about it. Good luck!
Sounds to me she is using the words not to hurt you, but maybe a nervous response because she worries if you are. All we can do is be honest and be ourselves.
