This is sort of a rant but I really need some guidance right now.. Ive had a lot of life changes recently.. I graduated high school in June and am moving out for college in september... Right after graduation me and my best friend of two years broke it off because we just went different ways in the end, and I am sure it was for the best. She was the only person I was out to and since then I have really been suffering inside again without anyone to talk to about things. I merged into a new group of friends (an already established clique), and they are all very nice. One of them (a girl) is going to the same university as me so we are becoming much closer. The guys have hung out at my house and we have done things and I am really digging it because it is the first time i've hung out with just guy friends, and boy let me tell you how different it is from girls (i have only ever had girls as friends). Video games, over-eating, burping, all that manly stuff I really am glad to be experiencing and I found I much prefer to the over emotional and self centered girls (not always, but a common factor). It just so happens also that I have developed the biggest crush of my life on one of my friends, I just love everything about him. He hasnt had a girlfriend since like back in 9th grade and we have a lot in common... so I've had my stupid hunches that he might be gay and we like each other but I have to keep reminding myself that it isnt going to happen. Still though i think about him constantly.. i guess its kinda pathetic. Through the past two months or so that i've been hanging out with them I haven't gotten a very positive nor a very negative vibe towards homosexuality. The guys use "gay" and "Faggot" quite often... and even the girl has said those, but nothing too serious. I dont know what to do anymore. I used to have a plan for all this and now that im moving on from my childhood out into the world my mind is clouded with so much stress. I want to be out.. I want it to not be that big of a deal. How can I come out in college if I can't do it now. I dont want to live like this forever. I figure if I was to come out I'd start with the girl.. something like "We have become a lot closer and since we are going to continue to be part of each others lives for four more years I thought you should know ..." but aghh idk.. Should I continue to keep it a secret?.... Should I tell my new friends? If it doesnt go well I never have to see them again...but then I'd be alone. What about this boy..?? *sigh* ahh I seriously cant think. There is a giant timer counting down in my head and I don't know what to do. Dont even get me started on coming out to my parents before I leave.. or my brothers.. or my other friends.. or facebook.. im sure facebook will want to know too. unhappy. but it could be worse I suppose. ~Mike J
Well it sounds like alot is happening. I go to an all boys school so I'm very in touch with my masculinity, but that aside, coming out in college sounds like a good idea because there are alot of different people there to socialise with, there will be some who reject you but plenty more who don't. There will probably be other gay people too. I know how you feel about this boy you have a crush on. . . .*sigh*. . .I'm not in a position to really say much as I'm not out, but if you come out to some people, and it drifts to his ears then maybe you could bring it up, or just confess, subtly of course. There's nothing more confronting than having some one confess to you (regardless of sex). It is always good to have some one to talk to so I suggest you do come out to the girl, or some one in general. Since you have already come out once before this should be a bit easier. But once again I'm not in a position to talk. To be honest i can sympathise alot with your situation, except that I go to an all boys school, and it's catholic. . .yeah. . . . In any case, I hope you find a resolution to your problem soon, and that it be a good one of course. Good luck and best wishes to college. Simon. PS: Congratulations on your graduation from High School.
Video games, overeating and burping FTW! You say you are unhappy, but it sounds like that's just because you have a lot on your mind. Because otherwise, it appears that these new friends this summer are just a prelude to what university is going to be like--meeting new people, making friendships and having fun. So I think you should treat this new group as your first college experience, and look to being open to them about being gay. That said, I believe you should take it one step at a time rather than try to figure out everything right this minute. So come out first to this friend who is going to university with you. As you said you are getting closer, and assuming it goes well (which it likely will), that's gonna provide extra confidence and support when you get to university. Once you've done this first one, then you can think about coming out to the guy friends. As for your crush, when you are ready, just come out to him without adding the 'i am crushing on you' part. See what his reaction to your coming out is and go from there. Good luck and keep us posted!
