this is more of a rant than anything else.. just a warning my friend is really starting to get on my nerves. she's cool, clever, witty, fun to talk to and hang out with and we have a lot in common...but the thing is, we almost never actually hang out--we text all the time and talk about stuff in our lives, but at this point i feel more like a psychological counselor than a friend. its really been getting on my nerves lately because she goes to school in a different state and it was fine just texting then cause what else could we do? but she's home for summer and i thought we were going to hang out. but she makes herself busy with summer school classes, and she got a job that she works 7 days a week and then she's on call at all times--and i know that she's being responsible and all that yadda yadda, but even she admits that she makes herself more busy than she needs to be, and then when she's done with her responsibilities she wants to go home and be alone. this bugs me because i thought we were close friends, but she doesnt ever want to hang out, she says she does, but she makes ridiculous excuses and then doesnt commit to anything because theres something else with some other friend that she has committed to. i just feel like i should be on the rotation at least. i kinda let her know its bugging me tonight....through text of course.. and i tried to say it nicely while still getting my point across, i just dont know if she can change right now i kinda feel like theres only so much i can do to be her friend..and right now i feel like she's my friend, but i'm not really hers. i dont know how happy i am being a fallback friend. thanks for reading -paco
wow sorry to hear that i wish i could give you answer but all i can say is that she must think her life is not busy enough. but i dont think it has anything to do with you it has to do with herself. summer is not over yet and all you can do is tell her what you feel. good luck if you sent her a text give her a chance to tex you back
yeah i know its about her. she's closed off, i think its partially got to do with a bad relationship she went through...that i helped her out with actually. i kinda just let my feelings get the better of me and called her on some bullshit excuse she made that contradicts her other excuses, and i did it with a "kill them with kindness" kinda feel to it...so then i sent another one apologizing for it. who knows, i dont know whether or not she's read it. i dont feel like talking to her anymore tonight. its just too bad i had to learn where i stand.
Bummer. It always sucks finding out you're not on the same page as your friend. But I would just stop trying honestly. If she doesn't want to make an effort to spend time with you at all even though you've been the shoulder to lean on then she's might just be using you. And I would back off a bit if she still doesn't get the hint she's neglecting you. If she's really your friend it won't be a chore to spend time with you. I don't think you were wrong for calling her on it. At least you were kind of nice about it? Hopefully now she'll actually make an effort to spend time with you. : )
This has been happening to me a lot lately, and honestly, I've just accepted that the people aren't interested in a real friendship and just move on.
Totally going through the same situation with my "best friend". I never really thought of bringing it up though, I'm kinda just going to let us grow apart if he's not going to make the effort I'm making. =/
Hey Paul! :smilewave Well, what to say here, eh? This one doesn't sound very clear cut but I'll point out a few things. You're right in a few of your points and a few others, I don't agree with but to each their own. When Summer Term comes around for me, I pile work up more so than any other term and I get extremely busy quickly. And I'd love to be out with my friends, but getting some income, more licensure, and school comes first. However, I do make the genuine effort to be with my friends as much as I can. I go to bed at 5:30-6:30ish, so I know I'm missing out on quite a bit. But I have and will always prioritize school over anything else because I'm building a future here, not a social network. I suggest being direct about it if you haven't already been. I wouldn't text, but call. Call her. Surprise her. Woo her with your concerns. Make her see that she's causing you grief and that you want to spend your time on her. With text, it's hard to decipher tone and I think it's being lost through digital communication. Ask her to go surfing with you and your new board! Have a fantastic day~
Probably don't do this, tbh i think that maybe she just likes her space, some people are just not that comfortable socializing, i dunno, just be there for her and if all your friendship is texting and talking over the phone then u might just have to accept this, but if u r good mates then why not ask her about it??i'm sure she wont be offended if u tell her how u feel, she probably doesn't realize she is making u feel this way. mat
That's good advice. Here's a question I have for our OP. Who initiates communications? If it's more frequently you that sends the first text or whatever, stop for a few days and see what happens. That'll give you a pretty good bead on how friendly this friend actually is. If you don't hear from them at all, that suggests there's more than just time issues.
Some folks are politicians, too. that is, they say what you want to hear, but when you match their actions to their words you perceive a reality gap. Watch reality. Base your actions on what she actually does vs. what she sez. Good luck.
well, she texts me all the time, and most of the time its something like, "i have a problem" i've talked to her, she knows that i'd like to hang out and i really have an issue because she talks like she wants to hang out...but then when the time comes, she's too busy, and/or she's already thinking about hanging out with someone else. i do the same thing to people i want to avoid. and yeah, i have talked to her about it, and in return i just get more excuses to cover up the excuses she's already made i mean yeah, maybe she likes her privacy and her alone time, but to have close friends, that's gotta have some limits, and she's really testing those. i'm not going to abandon her, but now that i know where i stand, i might keep her at the same distance just to be fair.
Ok ok, i think i know what's up with your friend Paco. She is going through a certain phase where she just wants to be alone. Perhaps she feels insecure about seeing you for some reason? maybe she's dealing with personal issues that she cannot tell you. I assure you that this is not personal against you but with her own self.
yeah, wouldnt that be nice. but looking back on it, she's actually always been like this, it just never fully registered anyway, i really am her go-to person when she has personal issues
^ & maybe that's y she needs some alone time. ^_^ or we can go down the list of why you think she's not talking to you.
