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Future roommate. Thoughts?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Cool Beans, Jul 15, 2009.

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  1. Cool Beans

    Cool Beans
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    I decided I should probably come out to my future roommate before we move in together, so I drafted a message to send him on Facebook. It appears below.

    He seems like a nice enough guy. He pings my gaydar just a teeny-tiny bit (like 1 out of 10), but I don't actually think he's gay. Hopefully just cool with it. He's from a wealthy-ish part of New Jersey if that makes any difference. We've talked a little bit on our walls and we seem to get along well so far.

    Is there anything I should change?
     
    #1 Cool Beans, Jul 15, 2009
  2. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    Nope. It sounds good. Sounds neutral. Sounds friendly and tactful.

    :thumbsup:
     
    #2 The Enigma, Jul 15, 2009
  3. EM68

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    It a good note. Good luck!!
     
    #3 EM68, Jul 15, 2009
  4. Glunn11

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    Very eloquently, but tersely, stated. I'd send it. :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Glunn11, Jul 15, 2009
  5. Markio

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    Maybe keep in mind why he needs to know this. Like, are you going to bring guys to the room? Otherwise it may be unnecessary to tell him.

    When my roommates and I went over a roommate agreement that my RA had us do, we went over sexual things, deciding "don't have sex in the room, it's too inconvenient with the three of us." and "no masturbating" (totally broke that rule :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:).

    If you ever discuss roommate issues as a whole, you could include the gay part with a lot of other things, like: "If we're going to allow sex in the room, we should let each other know beforehand, to avoid any awkward run-ins. Maybe develop a signal so I can know you and your girlfriend/boyfriend are "busy", and so you'll know when me and my boyfriend are "busy"." Another example, if you're not planning on having sex: "If we want friends to stay overnight, maybe we should stick with one friend each, max, at any one time. I don't know that we would both have friends stay over the same night, but if I were to have a sister or boyfriend visiting I just want to make sure it would be okay." Just ease it in there!

    Or you could address it full on, with a quick, "Quick fact, I'm gay, if it matters. Just so you know now. Maybe keep this info off my wall for now, I'm not quite out to everyone yet. If you have a problem or are just curious, feel free to message me back.
     
    #5 Markio, Jul 15, 2009
  6. Fiorino

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    Do it-it's good to get it out of the way earlier.

    I actually have the same dillema, I just added my future roomie on fb,
    he will know that I'm gay based on my relationship status, but I decided
    it's best to do it this way. Wish me luck, I just did it tonight.
     
    #6 Fiorino, Jul 15, 2009
  7. thevre

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    Sounds quite thorough. The "didn't want to make things awkward" is perfect.

    I'm terrified for when I have to get a roommate... just picturing all the negative things that could happen.
     
    #7 thevre, Jul 15, 2009
  8. Maddy

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    I think it's a good message, and hopefully he'll take it well :slight_smile:
     
    #8 Maddy, Jul 15, 2009
  9. jonny

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    Good message I think u covered most of the issues if any. Is it ok if I use it for my new roommate. Lol
     
    #9 jonny, Jul 15, 2009
  10. Cool Beans

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    Markio, I see what you're saying there. Even if we're both going to keep the room a PG-rated zone, some people might feel a little ambushed to find out on move-in day that they're living with a gay person. So, while I completely agree that we do need to discuss at some point the issue of having other people in the room, I felt I should get this little tidbit out of the way first, give him time to process it (if he needs to), and then we could talk about in-room fornication. I know making it its own message does sort of make it a big deal, but I'm nothing if not contradictory... :confused:

    Thanks for the advice, everyone. I think I'm going to send it either tonight or tomorrow, probably tonight.

    Killerjc, feel free to use tidbits (or all of it) if you want.
     
    #10 Cool Beans, Jul 15, 2009
  11. Alex19

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    i thought it was great. and i hope it all goes well!
     
    #11 Alex19, Jul 15, 2009
  12. Cool Beans

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    I just sent it.
     
    #12 Cool Beans, Jul 15, 2009
  13. jonny

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    Well no turning back now. Hopefully everything goes well and it's good that I have till fall to resolve any issues I they arise.
     
    #13 jonny, Jul 15, 2009
  14. Cool Beans

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    ...And I got the reply from him.

    He's gay too. He just started coming out to his closest friends and hopes to be completely open at college. :slight_smile:
     
    #14 Cool Beans, Jul 15, 2009
  15. crystaltriforce

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    that's a weird coincidence :lol:
     
    #15 crystaltriforce, Jul 15, 2009
  16. Maddy

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    Wow! That's awesome :grin:
     
    #16 Maddy, Jul 15, 2009
  17. RaRa

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    Well that's 1 in a million. O_O

    Maybe you two can hit it off. :grin:
     
    #17 RaRa, Jul 15, 2009
  18. Cool Beans

    Cool Beans
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    Good heavens, I hope not. I mean, sure, we could get together and it could be great, but then if we broke up... awkwaaaaaaard. :lol: I'll just stay in the friend zone with this one, thank you.
     
    #18 Cool Beans, Jul 15, 2009
  19. crystaltriforce

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    smart thinking
     
    #19 crystaltriforce, Jul 15, 2009
  20. tazzie

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    WOW thats amazing rofl :slight_smile:
     
    #20 tazzie, Jul 15, 2009
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