problem with crushes

i feel you're pain, and don't understand either.
sorry, i'm no help at all.

 

Dude! Paragraphs are your friend!

More to the point: crushes on friends are painful, because, in a way, they're more real than crushes on random strangers. You know the person you're crushing over. And you have no trouble imagining spending a lot of time with them as a couple. And every contact intensifies that crush.
So if it doesn't work out, there's a lot of built-up baggage you have to let go of.

And this might be why these friends become distant. They're afraid of accidentally leading you on, so they decide to go for the short pain, rather than the long drawn-out one.

Hard thing is that you can't really solve it. You can't exactly decide who you crush on. You can try not to get swept away, and keep a kind of distance. And always keep in might the other party might not feel the same way. And keep faith that eventually you!ll happen upon someone that returns your feelings.

 

I know how that is...I've got a crush on one of my only friends and I feel like he barely wants to talk to me now. Everytime I email him these days I barely get a response and it hurts. I guess I'll have to try and be more distant as well even though I don't want to.

 

I understand the crushing on friends part. But i mean why do you're crushes get distant? do u stalk them or something? Some people like things slow and not all rushy if you know what i mean.

 

Oh i get you. My best advice is, move on. You're wasting precious time, and they don't know what they're missing. I'm sure you'll find the right one, gl!

 

Sorry but i don't know why it hurts either. I have an idea of what you mean though, my guy friend has a crush on me again and he asked me out i said no and we are still friends, but it is just a little different then before.

 

Hmm I havn't posted in a while...Anyway, I understand what you're going through. I'm going through the same thing with my friend.

Ok story? Well, it's going to be long and I tend to have very long posts. Sorry.

I have a very tightly knit group of friends. We've all grown up together and are like a big family, spending a lot of time together and going over eachothers houses to hang out. Of this group, I had my best friend whom I was closest to. I went over his house a lot more than others and we both became the brother the other never had (both of us just have older sisters).

Over time however, I realized that I like boys. Couple years of denile and acceptance later, I started noticing him more and more. You know when you like someone you're close to, and once you realize it, being around them like old times feels awkward? Yeah that's how things sort of became. I started being very concientious of showing my feelings and how close we got. Started consciously pushing myself away for fear of being discovered. This perhaps helped create the distance that's between us today. That and the natural drifting-away of friends. People grow up and grow apart.

Anyway, recently there was a tournament in San Fran for Judo (all of us in the group do Judo, its how we met) and our two families went. The thing is, it ended up the girls in one room an the boys (me, him, and his dad) in another. Three guys, two beds, you do the math. I ended up sleeping with him :icon_redf. That was interesting. Nothing happened but...well I'll get to that later.

During the trip, we went around like tourists to Six Flags and Pier 39 and such. Six Flags was fun. The best part was, he rode almmost every ride with me. He chose to. The only time he didn't was when I rode with the little kid in our group because noone else wanted to. At Pier 39 and Alcatraz he would stay with me (or me with him or both, I can never really tell), walking together, talking together. It was both wonderfull and wonderfully painfull.

At night I couldn't exactly fall asleep very fast. I mean jeez, having him right there...but it got better. He would fall asleep then roll over to my side of the bed :icon_redf. Yeah I don't know if God was being nice or really mean. But he would roll over to me and stay there. Thing is, he would stop the steady breathing of a sleeping person. He'd wake up. You'd think if he ever woke up and found himself that close to another guy he'd move. He didn't. And I laid there awake long enough to tell if he was sleeping.

Anyway, that was the best trip of my life but sadly God seems to like to balance things out. The week after we got back, he would leave to train Judo in Japan. He would miss my graduation party. I'd be stuck waiting for him for another chance to be with him. After all the time we spent together in San Fran (now that I think of it, that's a bit coincidence), a few weeks away in Japan seems like forever. Seems like I'm suffering from withdrawls like from a drug. Withdrawls became anxiety, worry over his well being in a different country an ocean away. I even prayed for his safety. That's something I don't do often. Pray. But thats were I am now. Lonely and praying.

Ok story over. I guess the hardest thing for me is not knowing if he'll ever like me back. Since we're so close as friends, I can't really tell whether it's friendship or something else. I hope and pr...well I don't pray, but I hope that it's something more. The playfull nudges, the sly little smile, the laugh. But I can't tell. My mind won't let me. See I've realized how easy it is to imagine things, the proverbial mole hills, and I refuse to let myself be so easily swayed. I try to go from a stand point that, if they don't seem gay, they're not. Its bad I know but it's a defense I need. I have a very active imagination. Dreams and reality tend to mix. So I won't let myself believe too much in the little things. I'm so confused.

I guess thats just about it. Sorry it's so long. Hope something good comes of it if anyone reads it...

 

I can understand a little

I had a crush over a guy on the Internet (he wanted a friend
To do things with like movies) I suggested to do something this weekend he went completely quiet for the past few days. I think his problem is he have low confidence in himself to meet me... But I liked him but it's only a week friendship.

I think it's (gay people) about fear of rejection.

With straight guys it's obvious.

 

I read it, here's what I think he's 40% chance of being gay|bi because he would move away from you, 60% straight but he likes you more than just a friend but if you were a girl in his eyes you would be soulmates. But you're a guy so he just loves you the fullest a friend can because he wanted to be close to you as much as possible.

Wait for him to come out first because you WILL lose the friendship if he's straight. But if you like him enough then when you see yourself and him getting distance of no return tell him (maybe in a year or more). Since if you tell him then it wouldn't matter as much. But if you tell after that point then it maybe too late. It's a fine timeframe.

But if you feel brave then tell him but be willing to lose a friend for a chance of true love.