and this IS a friend :lol: basically, his world is being turned upsidedown. he met his BF IRL (they met over the internet), and they are completely in love. but, he lied about meeting him (they staged breaking it up online) but, his parents are thinking selfishly. they took his phone, and check all his messages and watch him reply. the BF has offered to take him back to his home, and the parents have practically invited him to leave. this isn't a gay issue. they are fine with that. but, even then, the father doesn't want him to meet his BF again, and even said not to reply in a gushy way :dry: now, he's getting to the stage where he's doubting his confidence in his sexuality too, probably due to stress I don't know if I should help him reason with the parents, tell him to leave home or just wait it out :icon_sad: what should I suggest?
if gay isn't the issue then what is? There isn't much a kid can do about crazy parents either. =\ idk what to tell you.
they're getting worked up over the lying. thinking about how it effects them. and they don't approve of their relationship exactly. they even called them "keyboard buddies" :dry:
so is the only problem that he met his bf online then lied about how he met him?tbh i think sometimes its best to give things a chance to calm down before rushing into a decision like moving out, especially if this friend is your age. I'm not sure if its best for you to get involved with this, like be the supportive friend but don't try to sway him, he needs to decide what to do, i mean moving out is a pretty big step, and how long has he bin with his bf?i don't think its the best idea moving in with his bf if they haven't bin together that long, because what happens if they do split up??i'm not totally sure whats best here without a bit more detail, but i hope i have helped somewhat
I really can't help you there I've just suggested he regester. he should be able to give more detail.
herro, i'm the said guy :3 now, details: he lives in holland, im in the UK hes in london at the moment, he was going there originally but changed one day to come and see me so i have 2-3 days to decide whether or not to go with him, because thats when he goes back to holland im terrified that if i go with him, something will happen to end it, for example, my doubts about my sexuality (which i sincerely hope are false, as we had a loving relationship online, but as many people will know, online relationships dont always work out when brought into real life) may turn out to be true one final detail: i have kissed him, but it didnt feel like i think it should have. this is why im starting to doubt things. any more details needed, just ask :3
ok, now they know about me helping him and about that. I'm scared shitless for him :tears: he needs to get out of there, but I can't talk to him right now. I just feel like everything's my fault. I tried helping him, and now his parents know :tears:
right, well moving is a big step, moving to holland is a really big step, especially if u have doubts about the relationship. I don't think this is a clear-cut right or wrong type of situation, its about you deciding what you want and making a decision about what is best for you, though i doubt that your parents will want you to move, in my experience they generally just want to protect you, but have a funny way of showing it. its kind of up top you, but if it was me i think that it would depend on how well i knew the guy and how bad things were at home, but moving to a new country is a big step, and is it not best to try to patch things up with your parents, or is that not possible??
yeh but my problem is that i don't know how old your mate is, or even how well he knows this guy, like does he actually know him well??i just think it seems a bit dumb running off to another country with someone you might not know that well, i guess i just want to make sure your friend isn't going to put himself in a possibly dangerous position because of the pressure from home, and ok things are bad at home, isn't it smarter for him to get out, and then stay with relatives or mates til things cool down then make this big decision, i just think right now he wont be thinking totally clearly, and he says he only has 2-3 days but i'm sure he can catch a plane some other time, and ok his parents know you tried to help, but you are just being a mate, you couldn't not get involved to some degree, this isn't your fault, its just a really crappy situation.
OK. coming in now reading all these posts, this all just seems WAY too urgent. What we don't know from you, Karabiner, is how old you are. But even with that information, I really don't think you should be making this move. Even if you are having fights with your parents about this and you want to defend your relationship, don't let that keep you from thinking logically. You're unsure of your attraction, he lives a couple countries away, and you seem to be forcing yourself into a decision that needs to be made immediately. My opinion: stop the drama. Don't go anywhere. Work on the relationship with your bf. And give your parents some slack.
ok, a lot has happened since last post. i went our for a looong walk, when i came back i had a long discussion with my parents, who are now being far better now they know the full story. here's my worries at this point: if i turn out not to be gay (and i think i have to be at least bi, partially after a long talk with a freind of mine and partially because of a lack of female attraction) my BF will be crushed, as he is completely into this relationship, as was i when it was online. i think maybe things moved a little too fast for me IRL, as we were trying to copy the effects of more than a month long relationship into one day. now i'm wondering what to tell him. i think the best option would be to tell him i still have doubts, but that i still love him (which i do, it's just heavily tinged with stress at the moment) the next thing would be how to go on after that. i think i should meet up with him again, so that i can get my feelings straight without the pressure of having to do it all in one day. my parents arent entirely supportive of this idea, but what do you lot think?
I think taking it slower is the better option. And if your BFF puts up a fuss, gently tell him to think how it would feel if you gave HIM an ultimatum to move from Holland to the UK in the next 3 days permanently.
Karabiner, I can completely understand the frustration and the confusion you're having. There are some important pieces to the puzzle that we don't know that would help clarify and make the advice you get better. First, how old are you, and how old is the BF? Secondly, is this the first BF (online or IRL) that you've had? Without more details, I think that it would be grossly irresponsible for you to simply move to Holland with him after meeting him once or twice regardless of the other factors; in spite of the fact that you may have talked online for some time, there's no way you can really know him well until you've spent time with him; words on a screen are not the same as being with someone, watching their body language, seeing you interact with them, and so forth. So... while your parents have probably overreacted, I think they are genuinely trying to look out for your best interests. If you do have the foundations of a good relationship here, it will continue to prosper as you talk online, and you can later spend time together and see how it goes, and from there decide if it will work out in the longer term. I generally do not recommend that people (gay or straight) move in together for at least a few months (6 or more) after meeting, because it takes that long for the initial infatuation to die down and to be able to see what the real connection is. If you provide the details, I can give better advice
yeh u have only known this guy a month?and only spent like a day with him?now u want to move to holland with him, and are worried he might be crushed if ure bi not gay?tbh slow down, don't move to holland with him til u know him better and have spent more time with him, and are sure of yourself and your relationship, i just think like how can you love him if u have only known him for a month?maybe just work on things at home and give things some time, don't rush into anything and the more detail u give the better advice ppl can give
matty: i'm not worried if i'm bi not gay, that's ok. and im pretty sure i am bi, so i dont need to worry about that my concern was that i wasnt gay, but straight. that, obviously would be a major thing to deal with. however, after much thought, and many talks with a freind (not to mention the years contemplation gone before) i am now almost certain i'm bi, if not gay. calchip: i'm not thinking of moving with him unless things here get really bad. i mean, when there's no incentive to stay. and maybe one day i will move with him, but only when i'm older. btw, we're both 16. (nobody flame about that, i know that im too young for this situation, but not much i can do now) finally, astaroth: he didnt give me an ultimatum, he wouldnt do that to me. it was a desicion i was making myself, and if i had decided to go, it wouldve been easier to leave with him when he went in 3 days time, which is why i was trying to make the desicion fast. (oh, and yes, he's my first relationship)
