I don't know where to start, theres so much going through my mind at the moment. I'll start with this, I have a friend which is not just a friend he is an awesome friend and we share lots of similarities and stuff. I work with him and at the moment a rumor is going around that we are both gay. He's kinda getting annoyed with it (but he does say "who cares what they think" which is also what I say) I'm not exactly out at work people just think I'm gay so he has been told that I am, and tonight while we were out walking he asked me if I was. "Are you gay? You can tell me if you are because I don't mind." I said no. "Are you sure?" I said yeah I'm not gay. He said "ok sorry if I offended you". From that moment on I felt so sick I could barely talk to him anymore. I lied to him but not only that it was my chance to tell him. But I didn't because I didn't know what he'd do when he knew. I did know he wouldn't betray me because we are best friends and he is a legend but I didn't know if he would tell other people. He could tell his parents and they could stop him from seeing me and then that would get back to my mum which I don't want her to know. It would also then go to everyone at work as well. Do you think I made the right choice in lying to save myself from un-wanted outness? Or should I have told him and because hes my friend expected him to keep it a secret. I am thinking of telling him one night when hes at my house... I'm still feeling sick even though hes gone.
I have been in that same position and i said the same thing. Its hard to tell someone you have known for so long. (I still haven't told the guy mainly because of his religious affiliations). The main reason i was friends with him in the first place was that i didnt fit in. I was a loner, and he was also a loner. He seemed to genuinely care about me. I think as long as he dosent have any greatly compelling reason to betray your trust, why would he tell other people? But try not to think of what you have done and rather look tword the future. I have been mulling about the past way too much, and now it makes me want to tell everyone. I would advise against telling him while hes at your house in case he thinks you are hitting on him. give him a way out. And who knows he might be gay also for all anyone knows. so do what your heart tells you. (*hug*) (*hug*)
I think you should tell him exactly what you just said: I lied to him but not only that it was my chance to tell him. But I didn't because I didn't know what he'd do when he knew. I did know he wouldn't betray me because we are best friends and he is a legend but I didn't know if he would tell other people. He could tell his parents and they could stop him from seeing me and then that would get back to my mum which I don't want her to know. It would also then go to everyone at work as well. of course switching it to: I lied to you because...
I'd say tell him. o(^_^)o Because in that conversation you two he clearly said (before your answer) that he wouldn't mind... So you may just be lucky.
I am in agreement with this. I think you need to be in control of your coming out to anyone, and so I think if you explain everything to him, he'll understand.
You gotta decide on the basis of consequences. If you trust him, then you can tell him. knowing that he will keep it to himself no matter the state of your friendship now or in the future. If you have observed him to gossip about other people who he knows - whether they be close friends or acquaintanances, then chances are he will at some point gossip about you and this will circulate and could get to other friends and family. So observe this first before deciding. peoples reactions can be hurtful, so i understand how much you want to protect your relationships with friends and family. if you think he is going to endanger this, then I think it is totally alright to keep the truth from him. your right to communicate or not is yours alone.
Well - I was going to make a post - but the one above pretty much covered what I was thinking to say. When/if the time comes, you can just try to explain to him how important it is to you to be in control of your own "coming out" process...which is why you wanted to be sure you could be "up front" with him (or with anyone).
I think you should tell him...Im sure he'd be supportive from what you ahve told us about him and from what you ahve written i think you want to....so if its in your heart to do it, i say go for it.
