I just had a recent argument with my mom. She was angry with me that I went to a location to ask about a community service opportunity. Someone I knew works there as a lifeguard and as the coach of the swim team at that pool. I asked him if there is any volunteer stuff I could do and he told me that there are upcoming meets that I could volunteer at. He asked me to give him my number and he would call me back if he found out anything, so I said alright and said he'd call me the next day. That never happened. The day after I decided to Facebook him and ask again. He didn't reply. And it went on like that until the volunteer opportunity just went by and I was never notified of anything. My mom brings that up and scolds me because I didn't go by every single day and pester him until he spilled the beans. That I forget things, and because of that I slipped up on homework assignments and didn't have good grades, and goes on and on about how I apparently neglect the basic things in life. When that argument ends, I'm like "Alright, I'll leave you now, unless you feel like further lecturing me" and then she starts getting angry and raises her voice. I ask her why she raised her voice at me and her answer was that that was the tone of voice I used with her. To prove a point I decided to speak even louder, to the point where I was practically screaming at the top of my lungs. At that point she decides to tell me that she feels like she's speaking with an idiot rather than her son. I retorted the same things, saying I felt like I'm the one speaking with an idiot and not my mother. After that, she challenged me to have my voice recorded so she could prove her point, and I agreed to it. Then she calls me two-faced because I had the nerve to put her at the same level as an idiot, after which she goes on to say that I expect other people to tell me what I want to hear. With all that she's been saying, isn't she expecting me to say that she's right and I'm wrong? I felt like she's accusing me of doing the very thing she's doing to me. I don't know about her but when I argue with people I show zero sympathy. I don't consider that the person I argue/debate with is my mother/father/brother/best friend and just want to win and prove my point. When I first started writing this out I wanted support to go towards my side, but reading what I wrote I think I may have a problem of some sort. Was what I did wrong? I feel that I shouldn't have stooped down to my mom's level and raised my voice higher. I feel bad about it all. I just can't help it, when my mom argues she has this high, hostile voice that I can't take as her making normal statements. Was she the one that's been right? What can I do that if I'm in a position of argument I can be more civil?
I feel like no one is right if it involves yelling. My parents would fight like that and it makes me depressed and really emotionally upset when people yell. The point is, you didn't get the volunteer opportunity, and your mom thinks you forget a lot of things. So, how can you improve on those things? You could still look for other volunteer opportunities, can't you? That one passed, but that doesn't mean you'll never get another opportunity, at least if you keep trying. And so you're forgetful, or maybe don't consider constant "pestering" or homework to be important. Well, change that, then. Get a daily planner, and write down what you have to do every day, or in the next week. Don't give your mom a reason to doubt that you care or that you're trying your best.
The thing is though that to me, pestering people is the same things as annoying them which goes against my principles. I feel that I shouldn't have to stoop to being annoying in order to get what I'm trying to seek. As far as homework, what my mom was talking about was really one class wherein I missed some homework assignments because I didn't understand the content, the textbook didn't help, and there was no one and nothing around to help me. I try my best but if I honest to goodness just don't understand something and I can't get help then what am I supposed to do? I think you may be right with the planner though. There are things that I want to do in the day and they slip by because I get distracted by something. It's something I'll try taking to heart, thanks.
tbh it sounds like your mum may have just bin a bad mood, and was taking it out on you over something that doesn't really matter, my mum does that, she doesn't seem particularly good at dealing with her anger, so it usually ends in stupid arguments about things that are ridiculously pointless, and yes you try not to 'stoop to her level' but if someone is picking an argument with me eventually it ends with me arguing back, i just find it difficult not to and i'm only human!
It seems that you got so much into the argument that, as you said, you "just wanted to win". I am guilty of that too sometimes, just try to stay focused on why you are arguing (instead of on the fact that you are arguing). In my opinion if it resorts to name calling then the person probably had some problem with you to begin with; I think the only reason it escalated to the point of shouting was because your mum probably just wanted to vent, and because she was already angry arguing back just added fuel to the fire. If people shout at me for one thing and then drift off topic to something unrelated then I just remember that this must have been bubbling under the surface anyway so it's better for them to let it out - pretend to listen, and don't take anything to heart. If all else fails, just walk away and give them a few hours to calm down.
omg, sounds like my mom!!!! i despise her sometimes, she bitches at me and makes a small thing into many different Big things.
i'll tell you right now going into an argument just wanting to win is a bad idea. My dad does that..... he is divorced none of his kids spend more than a few hours with him a month and none of his family speaks to him. Also you will find in any argument if you stay calm and don't raise your voice eventually the other person starts to feel ridiculous for yelling and will calm down. All you should do is explain calmly that you did pursue it very diligently and that it is unfair of her to blame you for that when he should have communicated in return. As for the other stuff it sounds like she is attacking other aspects of your life using that as a guise. It sounds like there is some underlying problem she is having you should figure out what is really bothering her. And remember always stay calm and collected and always consider where the other person is coming from. It helps to develop you as a person and remember she does love you and is trying to help you even when it seems like she is being a bitch (pardon my french). The fact remains not everyone is good at changing how they communicate ideas to different people in a way that makes it easier. That doesn't however mean that you shouldn't do that
and btw i know how you feel you should see what happens when i forget chores at my house xD i think it's just moms, metapausing moms of America? or should it be the world? MMA vs MMW i like the sound of the A and look of the W
Thank you all. I talked with my mom today about what happened and we admitted that we both were wrong to argue like we did. We probably both feel better now after all that venting.
