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Breaking Hearts

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Astaroth, Jul 27, 2009.

  1. Astaroth

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    Has someone ever had a crush on you that you can't reciprocate? I know I've been in the opposite situation many times, and it sucks. And now I find myself in the rather unexpected position of having someone who is crushing hard on me... and I just can't reciprocate.

    She's my best friend. Oddly, it's the friendship more than the gender that is in the way for me. I don't want to lose her as a friend. But I feel like a line has been crossed that can't be uncrossed. She sent me this poem today, which is so sweet. I felt honored.

    The only way I'm going to be able to let her down is to find a guy, though. We talked about this already and she says that she knows she can't have me, but it doesn't stop anything. I know that feeling all too well, so I understand.

    It is nice to have someone who loves you. I just hope she can find someone who can give that back to her though. I don't want her wasting it on me.
     
  2. Étoile

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    Yes, but they've all been girls who had petty crushes on me. It was never full-blown "inflated love" (a huge amount of love that comes quickly but slowly shrinks like a balloon). I've been the one crushing before when I thought it was mutual but I'll never know since the building relationship suddenly collapsed from the other guy abandoning me.
     
  3. 71390S

    71390S Guest

    I don't think the answer is another guy. She can't have a romantic relationship with another guy until she is done crushing on you. Sorry you're stuck in a crappy situation :frowning2: Hopefully you guys can keep on being friends.
     
  4. shorty

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    Unfortunately yes, and only with girls that are total keepers if I were straight.
     
  5. Jack2009

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    Yes, this one skinny blonde girl at my high school stood at my locker (I didn't even know that she knew my locker was at). She was wearing some tight short black dress with these hooker boots, and with a long beaded necklace she started twirling it. This is the first time I even know her too.

    She was moaning and groaning too, and then flung herself onto me, and then was grinding on me.

    I remember what she said, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhh erhhmmm aaa take me to home coming ehhh ahhhhhhhhh". Then she started orgasming on me or something, there was like 10 people who stood around us as she was doing this. It was pretty loud.

    So I did. I didn't share the same love with her, but we broke up because she needed sex, and I told her no.
     
  6. n8i2c7k

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    I've had some and now they all moved onto other people. It's just as hard for them as it is for you when you crush, but the crushes always get over it sooner or later. But this...when the person is close to you and in love with you, one of the hardest things to do is break their heart.

    There was this one girl who, after a while of knowing each other and becoming good friends, I found out liked me. It was bad. I knew I was gay but I didn't want to lose her. So I thought I could be bi. I mean it's not like I fell nothing towards girls, it's just they don't get me like boys do.

    So I said yes when she asked me out, and although I'm ashamed to say this, I guess I practically forced myself to love her. And the thing is, I did. I did end up loving her, but in the end...it wasn't enough. We went out for 5 months. We would walk around school together, spend time with eachother...but it was all going too slow for her. I guess it had to do with the fact that deep down I was more attracted to boys.

    Our relationship started breaking down because my friends hated her and her friends kept telling her it wouldn't last. Finally it got to her and I could see she was suffering. I knew I was gay and this wasn't working out. So I broke up with her. In those 5 months, I didn't regret a single thing untill then. Not forcing myself to go out with her, not wasting time together, not falling in love with her. My only regret was, and still is, breaking her heart.

    On the outside she took it well, she didn't talk to me, which is normal, but she seemed to be okay. I...I honestly didn't feel much. It's bad I know but I didn't seem to mind. I continued living like it never happened.

    And then on the last day of school, before Christmas break, she came up to me, gave me a hug, and told me she was changing schools. She wouldn't be back after the holidays. Somewere, something in me clicked and a day to celebrate became one of the saddest days of the year. It hit me all at once because she would actually be gone, out of my life, maybe forever. I was finally actually losing her. And I was sad.

    I spend some time grieving but as time passed, she moved on and had other boyfriends, I moved back to boys and vowed never to let myself slip again. After a time, we even started talking a bit again.

    Fast forward to nearing the end of the year and suprise, I see her back on campus. She switched back. Fast forward to the last day of school and she asks to talk to me. Bad sign. She tells me when we are alone that she still loves me. Boyfriends came and went but she found that all of those relatioships fell because deep down, she hadn't gotten over me.

    I could've cried. I still had feeling for her, I probably always will. I almost said yes again...but I knew things wouldn't change. I am gay, there's no fooling it. So that day I broke her heart for the second time. She knew I would say no but she couldn't stop hoping, hoping I would say yes and we would be together.

    So that's my little story. Now I've graduated and she's moved onto another boy and she's happy. That's all I've really ever wanted. Breaking her heart was the hardest thing I've ever done. I've been through head wounds, torn ligaments, burns, sprains, countless bumps and bruises, but the worst thing was watching my friend go through so much pain, knowing that I was the cause. Knowing that I can't do anything about it, not even comfort her. That hurt...but it had to be done.

    I don't know what good this'll do, I just thought I'd share my story. My long, long story. Sorry it's so long and such a sob-story :confused:
     
  7. Astaroth

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    It did help to know that other people know exactly what it's like. I'm glad n8i2c7k pointed out the inability to even comfort her. That's one of the hardest parts. I'm causing her emotional turmoil and then when I try to comfort her, it just strengthens that attachment, so I basically almost have to be reserved or downright frigid in order to give her a fair chance.

    n8i2c7k, I hope that your friendship can go back to what it once was someday. It sounds like you have a great friend who just needs some time away to get beyond you. She'll probably always have something for you, but it will be blunted once she's in a steady relationship with someone else.

    That's what I'm hoping in my situation, at least. One of us will eventually get into a relationship with a guy and realization will really set in. But I'm not going to go out and search for it specifically to hurt her or to force her to move on. It'll be for me to be happy. I think once she sees me happy with someone, she'll let herself move on too.