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I never expected to have to deal with THIS so soon.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Katherine, Jul 30, 2009.

  1. Katherine

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    The one thing I've realized, in the six months or so it's been since I started questioning my sexuality, is that life just loves to surprise you with whatever it can think of.

    The one thing I WASN'T worried about was getting a girlfriend. Considering there were only about 2-3 out lesbians that I knew of at my redneck-filled school, I basically assumed that even after I accepted my own sexuality, I would, to put it bluntly, be lonely for a while. I accepted that. But, of course, that's ME predicting that my life will do a certain thing, and that usually doesn't work.

    So then THIS happens.

    My friend (who I didn't know was bisexual until about a month ago) told me she wants to have sex with me.

    To someone who doesn't have the greatest people skills and isn't exactly all that self-confident, this pretty much blew my mind and left me blushing madly and stammering for words. :eek:

    She said right from the beginning that she has a crush on me, but that she wasn't sure about anything long-term. She told me she wants to experiment. She wants to try new things, see what fits, see what doesn't. Which makes sense, and I can completely sympathize with her there. I've been feeling the same way lately. In fact, I've been mentally screaming at myself to get out there and take risks, to not be so afraid of the world anymore. Is this God's way of saying, "Well, here's your chance. Take it or leave it"?

    But see, I haven't even gotten to the kicker yet. This friend and I will be staying in a hotel room together for three days in September for a convention. By ourselves. And it's not like I'm afraid she'll try to pressure me into anything. I'm more afraid of how I've already started imagining it. My mind has already divided itself into the typical, personified angel and devil forms. :goodevil:

    :eusa_ange says, Just say no! Didn't you learn ANYTHING in all of those stupid abstinence classes they make you take at school? Whatever happened to caring about LOVE? It's this kind of naive behavior that's going to get you into trouble someday! You're not a bad kid! You always follow the rules! Why stop now? Don't disappoint me!

    :evil: says, What's the harm? So what? You're teenagers, you're experimenting, this is NORMAL. You need to stop being such a self-conscious goody-two-shoes and just take some little risks for once! You don't even know if anything will actually happen; so stop worrying to death over it!

    So yeah.

    I could use some support and advice here. Is it really so wrong? Or am I just being an idiot who's making a big deal out of nothing and should just forget about it? I'm just kind of conflicted.
     
  2. Ben

    Ben
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    I'm in a similar situation. I guess it boils down to what exactly you want and what you think will be good for you in the long term as well as the short term.

    If it's your first time then you might want to wait for that special person. Then again she might be that special person? You can trust her and it's not like you'll be meeting up with a complete stranger for sexytime, so it would be safe. On the other hand, it's not going to be worth it if you are going to hate yourself and regret it afterwards.

    I think that if you have a lot of doubts about it, you are losing nothing by not doing it.
     
  3. Jim1454

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    I loved your post. :icon_bigg Especially this line:



    I bet those 'abstinence classes' weren't even contemplating homosexual relationships, were they?!? One thing you can count on is that neither of you will get pregnant, and that's a plus.

    I don't want to encourage someone that is 16 to have sex with anyone. I think there's lots of time for that. There really is. I was a virgin til I was 25, and it didn't kill me.

    But at the same time, I never had discussions with friends about my orientation or about sex. I was never presented with an opportunity to 'try it' with a close friend. I'm not sure there could be a better (i.e. safer) situation than what you're describing.

    A MAJOR draw back of course will be if one of you ends up having feelings for the other that aren't mutual. Then you've potentially messed up a perfectly good friendship over something didn't have to happen.

    Ultimately, you will need to let that little 'angel and devil' battle it out to see which one wins.
     
  4. stratavos

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    the angel is guilt tripping you, it's an evil and despicable act. side with the devil, but do value love if it happens, just not if it's unrequited (tough to do though >.<)
     
  5. Markio

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    Like always, what Jim said.

    If you're really considering doing "stuff" with your best friend, I would try to determine your motives for doing aforementioned "stuff". Also, it might help to determine what sort of "stuff" you would want to try. Maybe not full-on intercourse, but things like fingering, using some sort of phallic object for insertion, or testing out safety equipment like female condoms or fingercots.
     
  6. acorn7

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    I'm with this guy :grin: If you want it, do it.