I've officially been with my Boyfriend Shannon for over a week now (unofficially 2months) and my relationship with him is my first ever. It took a lot of time to get where we are because Shan has been hard to read and understand, and telling where we are has been hard from day one. I practically had to ask him to go out with me while being drunk to find out where he stood with me at first. Spending time with him from day one for me has always been a mix of breathtaking highs that I'd never felt before and edgy uncertainty, he has a unique way of thinking that I only partially understand and that makes it hard to see the motivation behind his actions and reactions, and as far as I can see, he doesn't give anything away in his facial expressions. When I'm affectionate with him I feel sometimes that it's only one sided, and I'm unsure if this is usual. A lot of this is probably just first relationship paranoia... I hope, but I'd really like to see what everyone thinks??? Post a response or comment, every little bit helps you know, and the more there is, the more it helps. Thanks guys
Relationships rely a lot on communication. And when we don't communicate, each party can develop incorrect 'perceptions' about what is going on. So while it's tough, the best way to really understand what's going on is to talk to him. You can do that in a way that isn't judgemental. You don't want to say that he's not behaving properly. You just want him to know that when 'x' happens, you feel 'y', because you think 'z'. As an example, you could say something like: "When I'm hugging you, I feel uncomfortable, because I somethings think that you don't want me to hug you." So you've just put out there that you're uncomfortable, when, and why. He shouldn't feel threatened by that - he should want to clear up any confusion that exists. Maybe he feels uncomfortable with PDAs (public displays of affection) or perhaps he just isn't the 'hugging' type. But talk to him. If he isn't prepared to talk honestly with you, then perhaps he isn't prepared to be in a relationship with you either. Good luck!
I actually get to use my quote before KB? Wow! Tell him. Not us. Him. Part of being in a relationship is talking things out, dealing with problems, working towards compromises. And it's always best to get as much first-hand information as you can. So talk to him. It'll be uncomfortable for both of you at first, so it's best that you acknowledge that at the outset. "This is gonna be tough, but I think it's best to get it all out in the open." Then lay out your concerns. Do your best to keep the focus completely on you, not him. So don't say "you're so distant" - say "I have trouble trying to figure out how you're feeling." Don't insist he act a certain way. Work instead on finding a way to alleviate your concerns that HE feels comfortable doing. Lex
I believe communication is key in a healthy relationship. Ask him flat out where you stand as a couple, open up the discussion. Chances are he could be feeling the same way and be afraid of mentioning it to you.
Hi Dave. I've just recently begun my first relationship with a guy, and I did have a lot of anxiety about a number of things, such as public displays of affection, and my out-status, which made me quite nervous around my boyfriend. But as the others have said, the key is communication. Once I told my boyfriend about any issues I was having, he gave me some excellent advice and it made everything a hell of a lot easier, I felt a lot more comfortable with him. We're now at a place where we can be brutally honest with each other, and that just makes the relationship that much stronger because we have so much trust, I know I can talk to him about anything I would definitely try to talk to your boyfriend, but be careful not to put him in an uncomfortable position by confronting him. Just be honest with him about how you feel, the more you talk the more you'll understand each other. Best of luck
