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worst nightmare come true!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by UCLA77, Jul 31, 2009.

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  1. UCLA77

    UCLA77
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    I'm not sure if you all remember me. I'm the straight guy who's ex-girlfriend came out as a lesbian and she told me we'd be together if she was straight, we tried to have a friendship, but she backed away without giving me any reason.

    Anyway, our "new" friendship (with her being out as a lesbian) only lasted from September until December. To refresh your memory, she said she always tried to change it, she tried to ignore it but couldn't. She said things would be perfect with me if she was straight. She even apologized to me for being "defective" and she cried about it.

    I was crazy about her for 10 years, I never loved anyone or anything as much as I loved her for 10 years, it was a long time for me. I was sad that I finally knew we would never be together, but at the same time, I was happy for her that she was finally out of the closet and able to be herself. She seemed happier and free, and I could tell. She told me I was the only boyfriend she had who she tried to change being gay for, so she could be with me. But it didn't work in the end.

    So, one night in December, she responded to someting I asked her in a text, she said, "I'm hoping to find a partner someday, and I hope that won't be painful for you." So I told her that it would be painful for me, but I could accept it and deal with that, and I just didn't want to lose her as a friend.

    So right around that time, she started to back off from me and distance herself from me. Texting less, communicating less in general, avoiding me. She kept doing this to the point where we just didn't talk anymore. Anyway, the reason I say it's a worst nightmare come true is because...guess who has a boyfriend now? I found out she's back together with an ex-boyfriend from 6 years ago. I am shocked to hear it, and I don't know what to think. This is ridiculous.
     
    #1 UCLA77, Jul 31, 2009
  2. BasketCase

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    That sucks.

    I doubt it makes any difference whether she was lying or whether this is something that has just evolved. The pain is still going to be huge.

    If she did lie then its a pretty disgusting thing to do.
     
    #2 BasketCase, Jul 31, 2009
  3. shorty

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    Jeez, that really does suck. Thankfully it didn't end how I thought it was going to though.
     
    #3 shorty, Jul 31, 2009
  4. EM68

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    I'm sorry to hear that. Do you think she said she is a lesbian as a cover?
     
    #4 EM68, Jul 31, 2009
  5. azrae1

    azrae1 Guest

    Oh... i feel sad reading the last lines :frowning2:
    i thought you would say a girlfriend and tell you get over it but she has a bf O_O?
    you know... i kinda had similar case, the best way to deal with it is by finding a new gf or starting a new life and forget the past. To move on and be happy just think of her as your painful past and embrace your bright future my friend. hope this helped ^^
     
    #5 azrae1, Jul 31, 2009
  6. Jim1454

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    I'm really sorry to hear that.

    But this isn't about her any more, it should be about you. Whether she was dating a guy or a girl really doesn't matter. She broke it off with you. It's over. I know 10 years is a long time, but you really have to let go.
     
    #6 Jim1454, Jul 31, 2009
  7. nevermore

    nevermore
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    When someone has been such a big part of your life it is difficult to accept that they might have changed and become something you don't like. You have both grown apart now and seem to be different people. She has become a different person, maybe you should become your different person too. I'm sorry things have been so painful for you but do you think you will be able to move on and make changes in your life so that you feel better?
     
    #7 nevermore, Aug 1, 2009
  8. Swamp56

    Swamp56 Guest

    I'm sorry to hear that.
     
    #8 Swamp56, Aug 1, 2009
  9. Lexington

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    Then let's put it this way. She may not be a lesbian, but as far as YOU'RE concerned, she's a lesbian.

    You've wasted far enough time focused on her.
    Focus on you.

    Lex
     
    #9 Lexington, Aug 1, 2009
  10. carrie90

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    wow that suck's i'm really sorry this must be so hard for you
     
    #10 carrie90, Aug 1, 2009
  11. littledinosaurs

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    That really blows ):
    hope you find someone better!
     
    #11 littledinosaurs, Aug 1, 2009
  12. 71390S

    71390S Guest

    I would stay away from her, she treats her friends pretty crappy. you deserve better.
     
    #12 71390S, Aug 1, 2009
  13. seadog

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    Have you asked her "what's up?" On one hand we are all entitled to know the truth, how we choose to deal with it is our own business, though.

    I was on the flip side. I left my bf to marry the mother of my children. Absolutely devastated my [former] bf. Now I'm here on EC gaining for support for the journey to legitimize the feelings I'd always hidden, denied, hoped would subside, etc etc etc.

    Experience is one of our best teachers. Where I was six months ago is not where I am today. Get this. One year ago I prolly would have told you I opposed gay marriage. I'm 180 degrees from that today. Life can be like a river in this way. Water moves. Time passes. We discover ourselves. We discover others. We change daily. It would be interesting (at the risk of pain) to hear what she sez about where she is now with her sexuality. Does anyone other than Michael Jackson have keys to neverland?
     
    #13 seadog, Aug 1, 2009
  14. UCLA77

    UCLA77
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    I'm just tired of all her crap. I hadn't heard anything from her since late December of 2008. I finally texted her a few days ago, asking if there'd be any way I could get something back from her that belongs to me.

    It took her almost 2 days to text me back! And when she did, she said I could get it back, and that maybe the weekend would be a good, and to let her know. Anyway, I let her know, and it's been a few days (again) of no response. I've had it with this. Who is THAT busy?
     
    #14 UCLA77, Aug 1, 2009
  15. Jack2009

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    Presidents, movie stars, politicians I guess would be busy

    Well if she lie being a lesbian than she was using an almost understandable way of breaking up so it wouldn't be as hard as saying, "I'm not that into you anymore". Maybe she was seeing the ex while you were in a relationship?
     
    #15 Jack2009, Aug 2, 2009
  16. Lexington

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    >>>I've had it with this.

    Then move on.

    How much time, energy, and emotion have you spent on this woman the past few years? And what have you gotten in return? Whatever the thing is that she has of yours, consider it hers now. Get on with your life.

    Lex
     
    #16 Lexington, Aug 2, 2009
  17. UCLA77

    UCLA77
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    She didn't come out as a lesbian until over a year after she broke up with me. When she did come out, she told me that she knew she was a lesbian at the time, but it wasn't the reason we broke up. She all but begged me back into her life last August, saying having me in her life in any way possible means so much to her, blah blah blah. But her being gay was not the reason she broke up with me in the first place, because she didn't tell me she was gay until a year later.
     
    #17 UCLA77, Aug 2, 2009
  18. Alex19

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    omg, thats fucked up. tell the new bf that shes a lesbian. and then move on and get your self a gf. only this time, a straight one.
     
    #18 Alex19, Aug 3, 2009
  19. Filip

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    I have a better idea! Don't!
    With all respect for Alex's answer (revenge is a normal human reflex), this is not the way to go. Do not get involved in this further! Back out! Cut all ties!

    I know I replied to your original threads. I know I tried explaining how she must feel, being gay, and it regrets me how wrong I was.
    And we could spend all day trying to spin theories about the whys and hows now, but I fear that this is a situation that cannot be salvaged. Either she isn't a lesbian, in which case she dumped you and wasn't truthful about it. Or maybe she is, but she really feels she needs to try with a guy again for some reason. But that can only end in disaster as well. Or maybe she's bi after all, but just more interested in this other guy.

    In any case, you can't win her back, and if you could, there would be too much baggage for it to work again. Nothing but misery lies that way.

    I'm really sorry that this is the best answer I can give, but you must try and get on with your life, instead of living in the past...

    (*hug*)
     
    #19 Filip, Aug 3, 2009
  20. JakeBHT

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    Filip got it! Along with Lex.

    You described a worse version of my life, worse as in longer and she got a Bf!
    I know how some of it feels, my life full of crap like that!
     
    #20 JakeBHT, Aug 3, 2009
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