Coming out... again?

[SshhhSTFU]

I've been searching the internet for a website where I can get some advice on how to come out to my parents... again.

I'm 17 years old. I first came out to my parents when I was 13 (not my best decision.) I was dating my first girlfriend at the time. My parents originally denied it, yelled at me, told me I was going through a stage and sent me to several psychologists. They also prohibited me from seeing her and avoided most physical contact and extensive conversation with me for months. At the time, I thought they were entirely wrong. I didn’t think it was right of them to shut me out. In a way, I was right. However, I didn’t really put myself in their shoes and consider the fact that this was for them, just as difficult as it was for me.

Ever since then, I’ve avoided the topic of conversation. If it comes up inadvertently, I quickly change the subject. I try by all means to avoid going through what I went through 4 years ago. I am now dating someone else. My parents love her. They think she’s a great friend and a beautiful girl… they don’t know she’s my girlfriend, though. Her mom covers up for us regularly. We’ve even managed to convince my parents that she’s had a boyfriend for the past 2 years! Lately, though, I’ve been starting to think that my mom is catching on to our relationship. I want to tell her more than anything, but I know she’d react the same way she did before (we’ve talked about it once or twice.) My girlfriend doesn’t want me to jeopardize what we have already, and neither do I.

Does anyone have any advice on how to come out to my parents… again?

[Jim1454]

Honesty is usually the best policy.

However, if you're SURE that you parents are going to react the same way, then perhaps it's wise to just keep it to yourself. (How are you sure though? The degree of control they feel they should exert as parents over a 17yo is different from a 13yo.)

[SshhhSTFU]

I've started to talk it over with my mom, but it always ends in yelling, crying, etc etc.
I'm afraid of their reaction. I don't know how much longer I should put if off (IF if should continue to put it off.) =/

[Otsuke]

I think you should talk with them. Cause if you don't, you will feel so bad... And sorry but I think your parents are wrong. What they do to you is really sad. This is actually YOUR life, not theirs. In any case, you don't have to hide who you are.

I don't know what to say more than: This is your life, you have the right to be with who you want, and don't let them destroy who you are and what you want. Your parents probably always wanted you to be happy, so I can't believe they can't get you could be happy with your girlfriend? O.o

But this is tough, of course. You know what I did when I came out? I called my psychologist and talk with him. I said I was gay and everything. He called my parents, and he set a rendez-vous. My parents finally came and I announced them. Of course, they didn't scream or anything 'cause I had the help of a professional and they saw I had the strength to get over it by myself.

If your mom sent you to shrinks and everything, she'll probably be really surprised that the psychologist him/herself encouraged you to come out. I think it's the best solution, but it's a "one month" process... Maybe less if you are rushing things but my advice for now is: don't rush things. Prepare your coming out with a professional, if it's possible. He or she will be there to protect you and take your defense if your parents are against you during the CO.

Hope I helped you ... Good luck, and <3

[SshhhSTFU]

Thanks so much
I actually haven't been seeing my therapist lately. It's been about a year since I've gone to see her. Since I avoid the subject my parents figured, I've been "cured".
I'll try to make an appointment with her soon and see how things go...

[Otsuke]

Originally Posted by SshhhSTFU

Thanks so much
I actually haven't been seeing my therapist lately. It's been about a year since I've gone to see her. Since I avoid the subject my parents figured, I've been "cured".
I'll try to make an appointment with her soon and see how things go...

Perfect Take your time and when you'll be ready, set a rendez-vous if you want
Keep me to date. << If this expression exists XD

[RaeofLite]

I think maybe waiting till you're self sufficent and able to support yourself is best. Once they see you're an adult (of age) and still not wavering in your decision, bring some websites, PFLAG's website (for support for family and friends of LGBTs), books on the topic that are supportive and.. goodluck. We know what you're going through.

[SshhhSTFU]

Yeah. I think that may be the best thing to do

[seadog]

Your story breaks my heart. Parents unknowingly hurt the kids they love so much and want so much for. Good luck.

[Absentminded]

I agree with RaeofLite. I think you should probably wait until you're able to get out of the house.

[Elven]

I tried to come out to my mum about 3 months ago and she denied it and pretty much did the exact same thing so i'd suggest leaving it entill your in like uni or not living with them then if you tell them they'll have no power over you and will have to accept it or they'll just totally deniy it but they'd have to come to their senses eventually.

[nevermore]

I agree with some of the above posts here. Wait till you are self-sufficient and are seen as an adult. In many ways it will be good for your parents to see you in this sort of role as they won't be thinking along the lines of a "phase" since you are an adult making your own decisions and setting out your own life. While you are still dependant on them and constantly around them it doesn't give you or them any space and so leads to tension. It sounds as though while it grates on you to keep your gf secret from your parents, you can still do what you want and enjoy your times together!

[carrie90]

well don't do what I did and wright a letter coming out and run away on a school vacation for 2 week's it was erm an interesting return home

I think if you are so worried about there reaction maybe you could wait until you go away to college or something then you won't have to be around them so often or maybe they just acted like that because you was quite young it may be different now your older and you say they love this girl which may help ease the blow so to speak

Good luck either way

[SshhhSTFU]

Originally Posted by carrie90

well don't do what I did and wright a letter coming out and run away on a school vacation for 2 week's it was erm an interesting return home

What happened, if you don't mind me asking? :O

[Otsuke]

Originally Posted by SshhhSTFU

What happened, if you don't mind me asking? :O

I'm curious too, but I still don't recommend it...

[shimmersky]

I wish you the best of luck in coming out again, and I hope they listen to you this time and respect what you're saying.

Until then, you should look at this article: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/r...s-of-grief.php
It helped me understand where my parents were coming from, and it might help you, too. It re-frames the ugly reactions as stepping stones on the path to acceptance. So it's a good reminder that, eventually, everything will be okay.

[SshhhSTFU]

Thanks:]
I'll read it now.

[carrie90]

nah i don't mind people asking i wrote them a letter and kinda just left to go on my vacation and didn't take my phone cause i wanted 2 week's on my own and when i got back my dad had searched through my room for evidence of gay as he put it

my mom cryed and mourned her lost grandchildren my brother's couldn't have cared less and my sister just laughed

they asked why i didn't just tell them rather than write a letter and run and i said "you just searched my room and you wonder why i didn't tell you" then there was the usual "it's a phase" blah blah blah there was shouting crying and a strange talk about brokeback mountain it was a strange experiance but things got better as time went on and everything is fine now

[shimmersky]

Originally Posted by carrie90

there was shouting crying and a strange talk about brokeback mountain

ROFL

Gotta love parents.

[SshhhSTFU]

Originally Posted by shimmersky

ROFL

Gotta love parents.

Hahha! I see mine going much much worse... D: