So, I was checking my Facebook just a few minutes ago and spotted a new friend request. It was from my Aunt Debby who lives in Spokane, WA. Right now, I'm not technically "out" to my extended family because I never considered it important to tell them since I see them like twice a year, if that. However, it seems that this choice is being set in my lap anyways. The advice I need is whether or not to add her because I'm quite out on Facebook (my status is Interested In: Men and like half my groups are very gay-centric). I'm sure she'll notice something eventually. I have no speech filter when I update my statuses either, so I'm sure I'll say something gayish sooner or later. Probably much sooner. So... if I add her, I'm effectively out to the rest of my family. I'm sure it will spread. Which is essentially 6 grandparents, four families on my dad's side, three families on my mom's side, and countless cousins. I'm kind of nervous because there are -a lot- of people in those groups who are very homophobic and extremely right-wing. Heck, her religious views are simply "Praise Jesus!" But at the same time, I can't imagine myself staying closeted to extended family forever either. I would feel like a total douche not adding my own relative as a friend. But I'm also not going to suddenly pull a coverup and remove all the groups and hints of who I am. I guess what I'm worried about is that once it gets out... the facade really is over. I don't see 1/2 my relatives wanting to see me anytime soon thereafter, which is saddening. So, what do you think? Add? Ignore?
Well, I'm gonna give you a selfish answer, so take it for what it is. It's high time that the right-wing homophobes of the world get some education. They've got gay relatives, especially ones that they love and respect and that have the strength to come out in a close-minded environment. Do your relatives love you and respect you? By coming out to them, you will challenge the bases of their thinking. And you are clearly old enough to deal with, and maybe get into discussions/debates with, those who give you shit for being who you are. Of course Aunt Debby may very likely not notice a thing. Good luck with what you decide.
I would say add her, but it's more of the issue: Are you ready to be out to your extended family? If you are, then add her, if you aren't, then don't. If you are, then her knowing and knowing she might have a problem with it shouldn't stop you. My aunt tonja is a minister, like my mom, and apparently my uncle, and my dad when he was alive (Wtf is with my family and ministers?) and she said the same as my mom: She doesn't agree with my lifestyle, but I'm still me, and I'm her family, and she'll love me the same no matter what (even though I'm not a fan of her... long story ).
I had the same thing happen last year, I got a friend request from my aunt and spent a couple of days agonising about whether to add her. I eventually accepted, and she hasn't said a word about it - I've only seen her a couple of times since then, but she hasn't acted any differently.
IF you're not ready, don't accept the request. If she asks why not, say "it's where I share stuff with my closest friends - that's all." Lex
eh, on Facebook I have interested in "Women and Men" and for awhile I had nothing. Most of my friends know and some of my family. On Myspace I have "gay" listed. My aunt added me and I added her awhile ago. I think subconsciously I was hoping she would question my mother about it to spark a conversation with me since I have a difficult time talking to my parents about it. It hasn't at all. She hasn't said a word.
So... I accepted her friend request. We shall see how this pans out. I guess I just have to have faith that familial blood will be stronger than dogma. Either way, I've got such a huge support group between RL, EC, and my other online pals that I'll be fine whatever the outcome might be. I'll update if I happen to see or hear anything.
Good luck. Hope all turns out well. I'm guessing it won't cause too large of a reaction. Keep us posted.
