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Confused

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by vere, Aug 11, 2009.

  1. vere

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    Hello to everyone! I am new here and I have a question which has been bothering for a few months now. I have probably spent more time thinking about this matter than I really should but...

    Anyways, I am a 17 year old male and for most of my life I have pretty much realized that I was not physically attracted to other women (or I should say girls my age) yet I have always had same-sex attractions probably since the onset of puberty and I am pretty sure before that. Late last year (like December-ish) I finally admited to myself that I was indeed gay and I unexpectdly came out to my lunch table (that's a story within itself which I wish never happened but whatever). I subsequently came out to my mom and my brother and all was well in my mind and I felt as if a slight weight was lifted off my shoulders simply because the two of them were so supportive.

    About three or four months ago however, I started to look at girls the same way I have looked at guys for all of these years. It weirded me out at first because I really never had any attaction to them before. The "attractions" dare I say come and go but I have noticed that I am oddly less attracted to members of the same sex.

    At first I did not know what to make of these new feelings but after they persisted I started to wonder if I was bisexual as opposed to gay. I am not entirely convinced becasue, as I have said, the feelings come and go sometimes and they just popped out of nowhere.Could it just be hormones :lol: ? Or do you think I am "becoming" bisexual?
     
  2. littledinosaurs

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    Well, the first thing to do after recognizes these attractions is to stop worrying about the label for now. If you find you fancy a girl then try your luck with her. Just follow your heart and it will help show you what your true orientation is.
    Also good questions to ask yourself are
    _Would I want to sleep with the same/opposite sex?
    _Would I want to Marry the same/opposite sex?

    If those are yes, then maybe you could be bisexual, but if they are no that doesn't mean you aren't bi either. You could determine that your attractions to girls are too infrequent for you to bother with girls at all.
    Or you could find one girl who blows your mind and you end up marrying.

    So just go with the flow for now and all questions will be answered in time =)
     
  3. Swamp56

    Swamp56 Guest

    For some people, sexuality isn't a fixed thing, but rather fluid. I've seen people who have interchanged their "level" of bisexuality before. Sometimes they'll like mainly men, and then they'll like mainly women.

    You're not alone.
     
  4. Glunn11

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    Hey vere,
    I find myself in the same predicament as you. Like, almost exactly. I admitted my sexuality to myself in January after being attracted to the same sex since my entry into the pubescent world, and started having doubts about it 2 months ago. I can't stop beating myself up about the whole thing. I am much more comfortable identifying as gay, but I feel guilty because I do fantasize about women. I then question my sexuality, and continue testing myself.

    It's not healthy and I know I need to stop, but it is really an issue that is taking over my life.

    I know the answer is just to lay back, and sometimes I do, and when I do, things really start making sense. Please pm me if you ever want to talk. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Jack2009

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    This happens to me but only with skinny (with a C breast or B; not big though), long dark wild hair, somewhat bushy dark eyebrows but really structure, 5'6 ish, tattoos, a strong chin, tight clothing, a flat'ish nose at the base, somewhat tan skin, crystal blue eyes, a nice forehead, and a sexy/dangerous attitude.

    That's the only type of girl I am attracted to otherwise I am gay.
     
  6. Sneakers

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    The same thing also tends to happen to me--as in, my attractions vary.
    It drove me crazy as soon as I realized it, really. There were times where I was pretty sure I was just flat-out straight or flat-out gay, but in the end, that never proved to be the case.
    Thinking about it too much, I've found, just makes it more confusing.
    It still bothers me a bit, but I know if I try to work it out, I'm just going to cause myself unnecessary stress, and I can't exactly change it.
    Truthfully, after looking at the Kinsey scale and other such things I have formed the following opinion: Just because you experience some occasional attraction to women, it doesn't mean that you are necessarily bisexual.
    All I can really suggest is to not think about it too much, since you've said that you think you are doing so, because, like I said, for me at least, it just makes it even more confusing and even somewhat stressful.
     
  7. vere

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    Thanks for all the responses :slight_smile:.

    I honestly think I do think about it too much but...I don't know, I guess I just kind of found it weird.
     
  8. vere

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    Omg, your situation sounds exactly the same, including the emotions.
     
  9. Eleanor Rigby

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    First thing welcome to EC :slight_smile:

    I personnaly tend to think that every human beings are bisexuals to a certain extent. I know some people would tell me that they are only straight or only gay, but I think that most human beings have at least once experienced attraction for both genders.

    Now about your case, I don't think the label really matters. If you fall for a guy that's fine. If you fall for a girl, that's fine too. What is important is that you feel comfortable with yourself. Don't prevent yourself to be with a girl if you want to just because you came out to your friends and family as gay. If they ask you something like "We think you were gay" you can answer something like "Me too !".
    Considering the fact they've been supportive when you came out as gay, thay probably would take it well if you ever want to come out as bisexual one day. The only important thing is for you to be comfortable with yourself.

    Take care, Eleanor
     
  10. Elven

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    Well I was told by someone that you're sexuality is not definate entill about 20 years old, since puberty can last that long so you might just switch and change during that time me-thinks and I sorta see it as a scale with Boys at one end and Girls at the other and everyone is placed somewhere on that bar so you may be attracted to both but more to one or you may think you're just attracted to one but you may have certain feelings to the other if that makes any sence ^^
     
  11. vere

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    I made this thread nearly three years ago and if anything, my attraction to the opposite sex has increased while my attraction to other men (on a purely physical level at least) has decreased. Is it time for me to "re" come out then? Is that even necessary? Picturing myself in a relationship with a woman feels odd to me but, then again, I have never had a romatic relationship of any sort so I don't have much to go on...
     
  12. bob94

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    Hmmm, I don't think you should come out as being straight since you're still not 100% certain about it. I think you could definitely identify as being bisexual, though. You're attracted to both sexes, so you're definitely bi.
     
  13. Roz

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    Hello vere, how do you feel in terms of your gender?
     
  14. lonewolf77

    lonewolf77 Guest

    It sounds like your bi and I agree with Bob in that coming out and saying youre straight when youre not 100% sure is probably not a very good idea. I think that could just cause more confusion for you.
     
  15. vere

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    It is interesting that you ask this question since I have never given it to much thought. I do consider myself to be male however, and I don't believe that I have never felt otherwise.
     
  16. Roz

    Roz
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    It sounds like you are confident in your gender. I wouldn't second guess it if I were you, unless you felt like another gender.

    I've learned through my own personal experience that sexual orientation can be fluid as well. Not for everyone, but it is a thought to consider.

    Everyone is so unique and there are any number of reasons this may be happening.

    I kind of know what you're going through. I become asexual when I'm in null and no one interests or excites me unless it's in a platonic way, eg: intellectual people I can see hanging out with as friends. When the balance between all my genders is restored I resume attraction but, not everyday...depends on which gender wants to be the slightly more prominent one that moment or day. Sometimes a gender chooses to be more prominent for a WHILE, however the others are still there, they just become secondary and tertiary. My gender ratios switch almost every few minutes. They are almost always in motion. It's fun (!)