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Just want to move!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Dare2bProud, Aug 11, 2009.

  1. Dare2bProud

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    Do you ever get the feeling of knowing when you are done? That you are stuck in a city that you no longer want to be in and the only thing stopping you is having to pay money to break your lease??? The city I live in, I'm just done with Indianapolis. Everyone is so unwelcoming and cold here. You would think living here for two years now I would have had a few dates by now or even got myself in a relationship. I just feel so invisible, I feel as if no one pays one once of attention to me. I never meet anyone close to my age to relate with and whenever I do all they want is sex from me! To top it off I just pissed off my best girl friend because I told her I hated this city and nothing was going to stop me from moving. I don't like my job anymore, I feel as if I have more potential than what I am doing. My degree is worthless. Today I was so depressed that I called up every friend that I have to see if they wanted to do something and you know what? Everyone had plans! EVERYONE! What's that about? I hate going places by myself and I just don't have any motivation. I think I need to start keeping a schedule. I don't. The only thing that's scheduled is work. I don't give myself enough attention .. but I don't have any motivation. I'm always exhausted and I always just want to sleep. I force myself to get out of bed anymore. Its ridiculous! I just want to leave. I have a friend that keeps calling me a "runner" she tells me that I seem to get upset because nothing goes my way and I just run. That I will move to the next city, get upset after a year and want to relocate. She's probably right. I'll manage to do something to damper my attitude towards the city I'm living in. I don't know why at 26 I feel so bitter anymore?! I'm just lost and I need to find my path. I'm just so far off the road .. I don't know what to do! I just need people to talk to who are good influences, who invest in me and I just haven't found that around here. I invest my energy and time into others who don't invest anything back. :icon_sad: To top it off I just don't have the money to see a counselor, although I feel I really need to. I'm losing friends because I'm always depressed.
     
  2. Jack2009

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    Join Second Life for the time being

    Save some money and move.
     
  3. dude99

    dude99 Guest

    Well you said you want to move. Well maybe there is greener pastures elsewhere.

    I dont think everyone there would be cold and unwelcoming there that lives in that city. I have never been there but there are always cool and interesting characters around. well perhaps you can always join a local hobby or sports group in your city while you are still living there. Perhaps there is a gay and lesbian organisation where you can join there. But if you had enough then maybe its a wise decision to leave the city.

    I wish you the best in what you choose to do.
     
  4. techie01

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    If you are unhappy with something you do, you change it until you are happy. If the city is making you unhappy, then you must change where your live or change your outlook on where you currently live. Moving away is a great way of starting a new life but you leave your old life behind including friends, family and familiarity. The only question is are you willing to give those up?

    Good luck in your choice and usually the best decision is one that you can feel good about later.
     
  5. Étoile

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    Instead of moving, I think you should try to deal with your problems first. You shouldn't keep hopping up and jumping ship everytime things turn sour. Your friend is right about you being a runner; you'll forever be running away from your problems, problems that could be found anywhere you go. It sounds like you mostly have inner problems you need to deal with. This may be your source of unhappiness. Even if you have genuine outer problems, they may be because of your inner problems. Can't find a boyfriend? Maybe you have self-esteem issues. Unsatisfied with your job? See if you can make changes to it. Annoyed by your current friends? Go friend shopping by joining a club or even a friend finder website (hey, why not?) Work on those and see if your outer problems improve as well.

    About your friends, LOL. We can't always expect friends to drop everything to be with us; that would be selfish. They do have jobs, family, hobbies, a boyfriend/girlfriend, and even other friends that need their attention too. They can't help that they all had plans when you decided to call unless you've been expressing a want to hang out together. This doesn't mean they don't like you or you aren't worth being around, it may just mean that you called them at the wrong time! Unless this is habitual, there is nothing to worry about.

    Do you have any close friends or family you can talk to about your emotions? If you're not communicating with people, they can't fully understand what's wrong.
     
  6. Chip

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    You're making a lot of smart observations about yourself, and that's half the battle. But I think, from what you're describing, that you might be clinically depressed. If you don't have health insurance, I would look into low cost or free resources in your area because nearly all areas have some sort of mental health resources.

    It's going to be hard to make positive steps while you're feeling depressed. If you absolutely can't find mental health resources, there are some things you can try on your own

    -- Exercise. Just going out and walking (better yet, jogging) for 20 or 30 minutes a day will have a dramatic effect on your mood. It should only take 3 or 4 days of this before you notice a difference.

    -- Food. I don't know what you eat, but fast foods and greasy, fatty foods can contribute to depression. Fresh fruits and veggies, and fresh vegetable juices can help to improve moods.

    -- There are supplements that can be very effective (sometimes more effective than antidepressants for some people) in elevating mood, but I would rather see you get professional help as a first option than try to self-medicate.

    I agree with your friends that moving to another city will not solve your problem. It's what's sometimes called "the geographic cure" and it almost never works. The problems relate to your depression, and that will follow you if you move.

    The good news is it sounds like you *do* have at least some friends who care. It might be difficult for you, for a while, to change and develop more healthy relationships, but you are recognizing the problem. Don't depend on others to solve your problems, but you can ask them for suggestions and guidance. I think if you can get the depression under control, all the other stuff will start to fall more into place.

    Hope that helps!
     
  7. 71390S

    71390S Guest

  8. Jim1454

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    I'd agree with Calchip. It sounds to me like you need to work on you.

    Entire cities aren't cold and shallow. You're not the only person in Indianapolis that wants to develop a sincere friendship.

    Scheduling things is important. Today is Wednesday, so pick up the phone and arrange with someone to go to a movie on Friday night. Look in the paper to see if there are any plays being put on in local parks on Saturday. There's usually lots of stuff going on in the summer. Some effort is involved in making your life enjoyable and interesting. Your friends were all busy when you called because they did just that.

    Why didn't they call you? Well, you're not very happy right now. And people aren't drawn to unhappy people. Quite the opposite. So you're also going to have to put on a happy face (sometimes it even fools yourself) and get out there. You'll feel better for it.
     
  9. Dare2bProud

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    Thanks .. I'm starting to feel a little better. I guess as big as this city is if I ever want to go to another APT complex or another side of town or could. Its all about suburbs around here. Please after reaching out to an old High School teacher, she's give me some good advice just like all of you have too! :slight_smile: