Need Advice: Craigslist Hookup

No.

You said that you are a total virgin. Why on earth would you want to lose that to some creeperface you just met on the internet? Besides, going somewhere alone screams bad idea to me. You will be out of your comfort zone and that makes it difficult to say 'No'.

You seem to want to do this for all the wrong reasons. To prove that you aren't shy, to get sexual experience and just because you're horny. Sounds like you need to put on the brakes and rethink this.

But this is me talking from experience. I've done the random hook-up and never felt good about it afterwards.

Just make sure you weigh your options properly. Take everything into account.

 

I agree with Corina beside's going off to meet some guy you don't really know off the internet sound's like the plot to some lifetime movie and 99% of those end bad

Don't be to worried about being a virgin there's nothing wrong with it and wouldn't you rather remember your first time as a good experiance with someone you care about rather than just some guy who could turn out to be a total creep

I guess it's up to you but it doesn't sound good

 

I would say "Hell yea, go for it. Why not?"

But then i read this line:

"bottom line is im 18, a total virgin and I am tired of waiting."

After reading that, im sticking with Corina and Carrie. No. Dont do this. Its just like some girls i know who are marriage hungry. They want to get a ring slapped on them from the first guy they meet. Now im sure as you can tell that is a HORRIBLE IDEA because marriage is not like getting a new iPod or something. Well, your virginity is the same way. Dont throw it away to the first creeper you meet on craigslist.

Im sure many people are reading this who are older than you and still a virgin and quite ticked off that you think its so horrible to be a virgin at 18 Cause guess what? Its not. Ignore what the media tells you. Ignore what your friends tell you. Ignore everything. Ok, are all those little voices inside your head gone? Now find your own voice. What is THAT telling you to do? You seem dead set on doing this, but for all the wrong reasons. The little voice in your head its not so sure about this im going to go out on a limb and guess. Why? Cause you made this thread. You obviously are not *that* sure or you would have just done it. Do you have a brain tumer that slowly grows every day you dont lose your virginity? Im guessing not. Its O.K. to wait. It will be better if you do it with someone you want to do it with.

I really hope you think hard before you do this. You can never get your virginity back. Once its gone, its gone forever. Think about that one.

 

I agree with everyone else on this subject. I did a hookup not to long ago, he did a h/j to me and I felt incredible guilt. Wait till its someone you trust and feel a little something for! You are bound to find them it just takes some patience!

 

As I said though, you'd be surprised how easily one can be manipulated into doing more than they were comfortable doing. You will be in his hotelroom. He (probably) has more experience. You are at a serious disadvantage.

If you want that random hook-up, do it on your on terms in your own place. That way, you have the power and not some older man who you barely know.

And besides, if you don't think that mutual jerk-off is personal, then you clearly aren't ready for sexytimes.

 

This isn't something you can't go into nieve you can't be 100% that he doesn't want full on sex and if your meeting him in secret I assume since you don't want your family to know you could be putting yourself in a very dangerous situation

Bottom line this is still some guy who is alot older than you and a man you met off the internet and barely know my advice still stand's it's a bad idea

 

I'm not going to tell you whether or not it's a good idea to hook up with this guy. I will say that going anywhere alone with someone you've only met through the internet is NEVER a good idea. He might not be a creeper but if he's almost 20 years older than you and willing... There are many creepers out there. If you ever hook up with someone from Craig's List it has to be in a public place with lots of people around and you have to tell someone you trust where you are going and with whom. You have to stay in the public eye the whole time. Even if you were the same age, it's just to keep you safe. Whatever pleasure you get out of it isn't worth all of the terrible things that could happen.

 

I agree with the others. This has all the markings of a bad idea.

I'm not opposed to the idea of meeting anyone you only know off the internet per se. But not if you're going to spend the first meeting alone, in an unknown space, naked, and without a lifeline. First meetings should be spent in a very public place, where both of you can walk out if things go wrong. and preferably after careful planning, and with friends and/or family knowing where you are.

Bottom line is: you don't know anything about him. He's years older than you (and you might not like to hear this, but it's quite easy to manipulate people 10 or 20 years your junior). And of course he's going to be kind if he wants sex.
Maybe he really is a nice guy. But at short notice there's no way whatsoever you can know for sure.

If he really is kind, he'll understand you backing out. And if he doesn't and starts to pressure you into going through, and possibly flips, then you'll know he wasn't so kind after all.

And don't think this is necessary before you'll move to university. As any university student can attest, it's not as if all students are handsome, outspoken sex gods. Most of them will be exactly like you. Propping up confidence in this way really isn't necessary at all!

 

Oh I wish I were 19 or 20 so I could say this and not have the obvious judgment passed.

I never quite understand what it is people mean by "creeper" in this situation. Isn't the 35yo guy doing EXACTLY what Mike J is doing? How is it any more or less creepy? Did he go on craigslist specifically looking for 18yos? If so, okay maybe (maybe) that's creepy. Or perhaps just kinda sad and pathetic. Certainly not definitively dangerous. But if you go online looking for sex and one assumes you do not think of yourself as a "creeper," how is it that so many other people who are doing the exact same thing are suspect? Pot, meet kettle. Or, shall we say, ageism? It's fine for people under... what, exactly? 25? 21? to go online and look for casual hook-ups but as soon as you're, what, "gay middle aged" (by which I mean older than 25, and yes I'm being totally sarcastic for the intelligence-impaired folk) you become a creeper?

If you 100% want to do it, then do it. I assume you find the guy at least somewhat attractive? Maybe don't go to this hotel room, because yeah that does give him the upper hand. But the discrepancy there is because it's "his" territory, not because he's 35. You know how you figure out if someone's a "creeper?" By having good instincts, and some of that is inborn and some of it comes from experience. I don't think someone's age can really help you determine if they're dangerous or not.

I know this might be shocking but young people, especially gay young people, have been having sex with people older than them, sometimes significantly older, for years, for DECADES, and I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that for the most part, those experiences are not decidedly negative. Just like for the same hugely long period of time, people have been having casual hook-ups. And good gods, the world has not ended, the sky has not fallen--it's should not be something that is, BY DEFINITION, something to avoid. Should you be careful? Yes. Should you use your big brain and not just your little one? Definitely. But should you assume that just because someone was online looking for sex while on vacation they're a predator? No. Because how do people find out there are people online looking for vacation sex? By being online and (most likely) looking to see if there are people out there looking for vacation sex.

I mean my gosh, talk about buying into stereotypes (and Mike J, I'm actually talking more to the knee-jerk "no way" people than you).

Here's what I do know... when I was around your age, I had a pretty decent amount of sex with a pretty decent amount of people, some older than me, some the same age, some younger. At the same time, I still said "no" in certain situations, mainly because I was afraid of what people might say and how they might label me. 10 to 15 years later, even though I feel like I had a lot of fun during that whole "sexual exploration" phase, I regret that I didn't say yes more often. And in fact, of the people I've talked to, I don't think I've ever run into any who have said, "Gosh, I wish I'd had less sex with less people!" (That's not to say there aren't people who feel that way--just that I personally am very convinced they're in the minority.) No-strings vacation sex is kinda awesome, if you think about it.

And now I can close with some of my "why are we so hung up on age?" stories:

When I was 21 my first boyfriend was 29... I ended up being more mature than him but that didn't stop us from having a lot of fun. Nothing sinister going on there.

My friend was backpacking through Europe at age 18, still in the closet, and his first sexual experience was at a gay brothel. He's 37 now, very successful, and not even screwed up in the slightest. To this day, he talks about that first time as a very positive experience.

My last boyfriend, at 22, was ten years younger than me. I was his first relationship. I'm sure a lot of people on here would have without a thought have advised him not to date me solely on the basis of my age--and well, they would have been dead wrong.

Another guy I've been involved with was 20 years older than me... definitely nothing sinister there. Like literally he was old enough to be my father but if you knew the two of us--there was nothing creepy about it.

On top of that, there have been a number of times where I've hooked up with people I met online. And it's gone well. Sometimes very well. Granted, never anyone I met on craigslist looking for a quickie but c'mon, do you honestly think that EVERY person looking for sex online is a dirty old pervert? Because most of the people I know have online profiles on dating sites and as far as I know, none of them are particularly dirty, perverted, or (by sane standards) old (most of them are 20somethings). Isn't it far more likely that the bulk of people online are people JUST like you and me? (Sorry if I offended anyone who I've lumped in with me because they're convinced I'm perverted. Or old. Or dirty. Well okay, I probably am kinda dirty. :lol: )

Occam's Razor, folks. The most simple explanation is the most likely one to be correct. So given perverted sex criminal trying to lure you into a trap vs. regular person who is horny and wants to get off, which is the simplest explanation?

Mike, I say as long as you're sensible and take some basic precautions, go for it. Life is way too short to be paralyzed by fears of Internet boogie men.

 

Oh... and I suppose I should mention that NO, I'm not currently in Hawaii. :icon_wink

 

Can we say jumping the gun?

Where (in what's been said) does it indicate the older guy is particularly interested in 18yos? Or that he knows the original poster's never done stuff with anyone? Far as we've been told, he was looking for a quickie, that's it.

Gosh, I am so glad I have not had your experiences, because mine have been so opposite: both with older guys and having talked to younger and older guys. Apparently I live some kind of charmed life.

Because yes, sex with someone who is older than you is always a bad thing--and damaging to one's self esteem. What's a good cut-off, since we're on the subject? 3 years? 5 years? 10 years?

Because those are the rules, you know: sex with someone of a different age = bad thing. Always.

Someone's gotta tell Ashton and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Stat!

Forgive me, I need to go brush on up on my "coercing someone younger" skills, because apparently I'm behind the curve. Do you think they have a "Coming Across Really Creepy Online 101" class I can take? Maybe a "Good Settings For Rape" workshop?

Seriously, there's advising caution, and then there's being unnecessarily alarmist and totally reinforcing destructive stereotypes. And people wonder why there's not more of a gay community: "I'm sorry, sir, I'd really like to hear about your life experiences but since you're more than 10 years older than me, I know all you can think about is defiling my young nubile flesh and are even as I speak planning how to force me into sexual submission."

 

I have to say that I've considered doing pretty much the same thing and for about the same reasons - I'm a virgin at 19, not expecting to meet anyone who'll want to change that any time soon (if ever) and thoroughly sick of feeling like the world's least attractive lesbian - so I know what's going on in your head and how you're trying to justify this to yourself. But even though you say you're not going to let this become any more than mutual jerk-off, it's still going to be your first sexual experience, something you'll remember. Is this what you'll want to remember as the first time you were sexual with another person? (Whatever I say will most likely be dismissed by at least some and deemed irrelevant, but it's the best I've got to offer.)

 

I couldn't disagree more with you. Have you ever thought that when you were this guy's age, the world was a bit different?
In the world i live in, people take advantage of everybody else, screw them over, take advantage of their innocence, kill, kidnapp, etc, despite their age!!!
Going to meet a stranger on it own is already dangerous, going to meet a stranger for sexual activity is even more dangerous.

To The OP- don't do it. Like a lot of people said, save it for the right person. Share that experience with some one that really matters.

 

Well, for my part, I never meant to suggest an age difference is necessarily a bad thing. I'm not opposed to the idea of ending up with someone younger or older than myself (not that I have any experience with that. But the idea doesn't gross me out, necessarily).

I still think the motives are flawed in this case. Being horny and drunk, and just wanting to do anything sexually to get at least some part of your virginity over with seems just off. Maybe it won't be a bad experience, but I'm pretty sure you can do better! Regardless of age differences, I'd still counsel against it.

But hey, I'm an engineer. My two reflexes when thinking aout something are :"What's the worst that can happen" and "Could we get anything better?" (also "How much does that cost", but that's irrelevant here :icon_wink). It fails my two tests, at least. But maybe my job just malformed my brain or something.

 

Deff do not do it, I have been there you'll regret it......when it happens it happens.

 

I should also note I was 20 when I did anything, it was with the wrong person and someone a lot older taking advantage of me aka seducing.

you don't know if he is safe in terms of STD's, what his intentions are, etc. It's just plain dangerous.