Hi. I'm new here. I have been doing a lot of thinking about my sexual identity. I have always dated women but get really annoyed with all the sexual stuff. I always think in my head "Do we have to?" and get a feeling of relief when it is over. Every night for the past few years I read coming out stories. In the majority I notice people coming out when they are still pretty young. I'm 30 and feel like if I was gay I would have realized it earlier. The funny thing is that I want to be gay. I feel like I'm just willing it onto myself. Has anyone else felt like this? Recently when I was meditating I pictured myself has gay and felt a feeling of contentment. I keep looking back at that. It made me seriously doubt my hetero life. One other thing was that my first sexual experience was with a guy. In fact all my experiences through out my school life were with other guys. Please help me figure all this out.
I think it sounds like your more in love with the idea of being gay and finding answer's rather than actually being gay how did you find your experiances with guys? Maybe you have just had a couple of bad experiances with women it doesn't make you gay maybe you just havn't met a girl you really like Have you ever had any romantic feeling's for men or was it just experimenting?
Hey, welcome to EC! =D I have felt exactly that way, yes. I was, in fact, in a counseling session, and I was asked, "If it turned out that you were straight, how would you feel?" And the first thing that came to mind was, "Disappointed." And there is no set age to realize that you're gay. Some people have known since they were little, some have no clue until later in life. It's never too late to realize who you are. If picturing a gay life makes you feel happy and contented, and you don't find sexual experience with women enjoyable (and are relieved when it's over), I would say that you're probably not just "willing" this on yourself. Nobody can tell you whether you're gay or not, nobody but you. Does the idea of kissing another man excite you? Having a boyfriend? Settling down with one? Since you've had experiences with other guys, did you prefer them to your experiences with women? Could it possibly be that you feeling like this is something you're forcing on yourself because of a "this is too good to be true" feeling? If you're used to disappointing sexual encounters with women, it may be hard to imagine that sex isn't supposed to be disappointing. Even when you realize that you'd prefer to be with the same sex, it can be hard to accept, because disappointment has been the norm for you so far. It's Just The Way Things Are. Until you realize that they aren't, that is. It's really hard growing up in a heteronormative society, where homosexuality is the exception and not the rule, to realize you're an exception, too. I know I thought for a while that I couldn't possibly be queer, myself, because I was just too boring and normal to be otherwise. (But it does say something that I considered heterosexuality boring, I think.) I grew up thinking gay people were the Other. Some vague and mystical group of people I'd never have any contact with. So it took me a while to make the connection between liking women and being queer. I can't tell you if you're gay or not, though seeking relationships with other men in high school doesn't seem like something straight guys would do. =P I'd advise you to examine your feelings towards men. Imagine yourself holding hands with a guy, living with him, growing old with him. Even simple stuff like going grocery shopping with him, and walking in the park with him. Hugging him. Kissing him. And... other things! If it makes you smile and say, "God, I want that." Then, yeah, I would say there is a good chance. But you are the only one who can tell for sure. We're here for you all the way, though, people are very supportive and willing to talk with ya. =D It's hard! I wish you the best of luck figuring it all out.
I have always done things to please my parents. Doing things that I think they want out of me. My dad always wanted to be in the military so I joined the Marines after high school. I hated it. They want me to find a nice women but I think relationships with women are pointless. I was talking with my mom about being gay and she was very supportive. It kinda surprised me. When things are simple I strongly question those things. So to avoid any more talk on the subject I said I am straight. Doing that made me feel disappointed like you GhostDog. I would LOVE to find a nice down to earth guy to spend time with. A guy that would join me in all my outdoor activities but also stimulate my mind. A relationship with a guy is far more appealing than one with a woman. I appreciate a beautiful woman but I think all people enjoy beauty in its various forms. I tend to get more excited seeing a guy with a great body. One other curious fact is that has a kid I had a tendency to kiss my male friends. I tend to ramble so I will get to the point. I know that I'm gay but coming to terms with it is difficult even though I have always been this way. I know that if I continue denying this I will just get increasingly bitter and that does not sound fun.
Well I'm glad you said you were gay because I know it's considered bad form to tell people they are but yeah, dude, you're gay (based on what you've said, at least, which is all I've got to go on). There are lots of people who come out later--a few on this board, even. Just be grateful you never married a woman or had kids--that's a whole other set of issues to try to sort out. My experience has been there are quite a few really "regular" gay guys who are down-to-earth. Not everyone is an activist (more's the pity *grin*). Coming out is a big adjustment, sure, especially a bit later in life, but it can be done and pretty successfully, too. Just takes a bit of work and an open mind.
well hey do everything of your own accord don't have other people tell you who you are because when it comes to it you are you not who you are wanted to be so with that i would like to say what ever you feel comfortable with is you .....
