I am trying to work whether or not to come out to my Mum. I have some pros and cons for coming out to her below... any opinions? For some background, I’m fairly close to my Mum, and she is pretty accepting. She always tells me I can talk to her about anything. I am currently as sure as I can be that I am gay, without having had a girlfriend to ‘prove’ it to myself/others. Pros of telling her: I can share my excitement about this discovery process with her I can stop hiding things that I am doing, e.g. places I am going She might feel good that I have confided in her She could get used to the idea of me being gay now, instead of telling her when/if I get a girlfriend I have been feeling really emotional about it and I just really feel like telling her so I can talk about it Cons of telling her: I would miss out on that official ‘coming out’ i.e. saying "Mum, I'm gay" (which can only be done once!), because if I told her now I would probably word it more like “I am pretty sure I like girls” On the odd chance that I am wrong about being gay, I would have created a fuss for nothing, and I will feel stupid It is actually kind of exciting to have a big secret, even though I want to tell her I won’t be able to take it back once I tell If she doesn’t take it too well, and I never get a girlfriend anyway, then there would have been no point in telling and upsetting her ...So clearly I am over-thinking, but that’s what I do! So any opinions/ideas/experiences people?
Well, I won't go into the pros. They are all good points, that I agree with! Not lying, getting more comfortable with your true self, and being open to family memvers are all nice and good reasons to come out. Now, to defuse the cons: Coming out isn't necessary about telling literally "I'm Gay". I never ever used the sentence "I'm gay" in my life. I only ever came out by telling "girls just don't do it for me" Or "I'm pretty sure I'll never come home with a girl". Or somesuch. But it's not about a formal sentence! It's about being open. So however you put it, it will be a real coming out in every sense of the word. Big secrets are somewhat exciting, but you can't use that as a reason not to come out. If it were a good reason you could never come out at all! You'd better find another exciting secret to keep, methinks As you say, it's an odd chance that you're not gay. You've been spending quite some time thinking about it, you're comfortable with the idea that you probably are, and you're seriously thinking about what it would be like to have a girlfriend. you're probably gay. Maybe you have never had a girlfriend, but there's no need to prove it that way. And should you turn out not to be gay after all, then I think you really needn't feel stupid about causing a fuss. This is how you feel right now, and you have every right to support! you have a right to cause a bit of a fuss now and then! And whatever happens in the future is to be tackled when you come to it! (I mean, it's OK to plan for hypotheticals, but you should never assume unlikely scenarios a a given either) If she doesn't take it too well now, she wouldn't have taken it too well at any time in the future either, probably. And since you probably will date and so on, the odds of you ever falling in love with a girl are pretty high. Better get her to a point where she can deal with this one way or the other, I'd say. So, as you can see, I'm rather in the pro-coming-out camp here. But especially if you know she'll be supporting, it seems like a good idea.
