Im 18, and have only come out to one person that I no longer speak to. I want to come out to my family, but I am getting mixed signals from all of them. I try testing the waters but it doesn't help because they say contradictory things... I was talking to my brother a few nights ago. I'm going to college next month in Seattle, and he goes to college in a rural area. He said something about how Seattle is full of gay people and how they migrate to cities, and the streets are crawling with them and San Francisco is all gay people, and he was using terms like "homo" and "fag" instead of gay everytime. I said "Hmm you must not know any gay people out at your hick school" and he said "I know one, hes a total flaming homo". Ugh he just kept using those offensive terms. so i asked "Well you seem to be much more homophobic than I thought." and he answered "Why because I say fag? any homo that is my friend would let me call them that". then went on about how he DOESN'T have a problem with gay people... So i'm totally confused as to where he stands. The next night the gay subject came up again, and he told me he believes it to be caused by your upbringing and I argued that it is genetic. WE HAD THE SAME UPBRINGING... gahhhh I'm so confused. Now, my dad is always very nice and says stuff like "Whatever you choose to do in life i support you, it doesnt matter if your black white purple gay etc....." but then he goes around saying "faggot" and "cocksucker" all the time. Even my mother said she doesnt support gay marriage because "next they will let people marry animals." But she has had gay friends and been seemingly fine with them. I've always thought my family to be accepting but the closer I get to moving out, the less and less I want to tell them.
My dad would go around and say "fag" sometimes when making jokes and whatnot, and he's been amazing with me being gay. Just because your dad says those things doesn't mean he's homophobic; in my dad's case, it was him just trying to be funny.
it sounds kind of like they are just not all the educated on the subject. I'd keep testing the waters till you are comfortable with it. You do not need to rush it. If they say they do not have a problem with it or something like that i'd believe them. People commonly will act like your parents do until the issue hits close to home. Those more insulting things will probably get better if you come out. Just make sure you are comfortable with doing so.
your dad would probably be fine with it. your telling him would probably at most cause him to be more conscious about saying gay-derogatory words around you. a couple of reflex words, in my opinion, mean a lot less than him telling you he'll support you no matter what. i don't really feel like i have enough to go on to form an opinion of what your mom would think, but at the least it sounds like she wouldn't disown you, especially not with a supportive dad. your brother is the one you sound the most conflicted about, though. i'm going to tell you what i think, but i want you to take it with a grain of salt because it's just an opinion that might give you a new perspective to look at him from. you're the one who knows him, not me. I think what he says is essentially true - he doesn't have a problem with someone being gay, but he hates the stereotypical gay. when someone says they're gay and he doesn't know anything else about them, all he has to go on is a stereotype so his first reaction is dislike and/or hatred. he also sounds like the kinda person you probably wouldn't stop hearing words like fag come from his mouth even if you told him and he was okay with it, though.
I agree with Kaden ^ ... whoa, first post Kaden, welcome to EC! Just having these conversations with your brother in the first place is positive. And you are not a walking stereotype or some "if I had a gay friend" peep, you are his little brother. I bet the result would be positive even if there are a few bumps in the road. Kinda wonder though...wouldn't it be best to tell him/them before you leave for uni, rather than after. Cause if it was after, they might say that big, bad, homo Seattle made you gay!
I wouldn't put too much stock in the words people use to describe gay people. I'm not flaming, but I have a friend who is - when I'm around him, I do tend to feel a little uncomfortable at how he behaves, and if asked would say so. We all, sometimes, make comments which aren't likely the most correct things we can say, but that doesn't mean your family won't accept you. In the cases above, I say give them a chance - most likely, based on your account, it will be fine.
