My mother is upset that I have too many secrets I guess, which is mainly my career, my orientation, and what I want to do with my life. Well, I think she is bother that I am probably gay because today she said, “I’ll give you some money and you can go to the movies with a girl”. However, earlier she ask me a bunch of questions about if I am gay (a recent thread; but another communication 10 hrs later), and I am probably gay because of evidence, so she doesn’t want me to be gay. This is about occupation and what I want to do with life I know she be kind of fine with my occupation, but I do not want to talk about it at all, since I like that being a secret for now; I will tell her when I move I always thought. The reason why I think she will be fine with it because I said I would become a brothel owner to hide that I am gay a few months ago, then I told her it was lie the next day, and she was upset that I am not telling her. So the only reason why I want to keep it to myself way more than being gay because my occupation is really a part of me (I don’ t even want to talk about it here), and if I tell her she might think worse of me and combine with being gay she might know who I might really be. I like having that security of being who I am on the outside right now than being open about myself. But if I don’t tell her she is just going to stay depress and angry with me (this is mainly career), and I want to tell her a little just to stop her from being this way. However, she said she is going to tell everyone (imply it), and if I do tell her I do not want nobody to know at all since it is none of their business. It is like once you tell your secret it goes and spreads to everyone, and I do not want that period. The only answer I been giving was “I’ll tell you when I decide”, and then she said I should know by now and that she’s not part of my “world”. If I tell her or not it won’t make a huge deal to me (and if I tell she's also going to find out I am gay because I want it all to be out once then), since I am still going to do it, but once that’s out all of me is being out. I do not want to go through that, since it might affect our relationship which right now it’s kind of love/hate. Secrets is the only thing I know to do, and I been doing the career secret pretty well since she has no idea so it’s going to be slightly shocking for my personality. I just don't feel its the right time, I was planning to do it around when I am turning 18 in the winter. But it's affecting her really bad, I think she's going a little crazy about it....
Sadly people react different to secrets. Obviously your mother needs to back off a little and let you take care of things. Try talking calmly with her without getting angry and see what happens. I'm guessing these discussions you've had with her have been fairly heated?
It sounds like even though she has been prying and trying to get you to tell her what you are doing career wise and come out about your sexuality, that it is all done out of concern. Your have stated that you have joked about being a brothel owner to put her of the Gay Scent as it were and you also say that you were planning on telling her your secrets Career/ Sexuality wise when you were 18. So I think your mother is concerned for what you are doing and the fact you could be doing things that may harm you in the future, mentally or in any career path you might choose to do later on. The fact that you feel you need to hide what you are doing from your mother is only making her worry and concern grow. I am not saying/ implying that you are doing anything wrong, but think about your actions and the fact you feel you need to hide yourself from your own mother. Your other thread where you mentioned that you thought your mother knew you were gay and if she does or is questioning if you are it shows she will support you no matter. My advice would be even if you cant tell her everything yet sit her down and just let her know you are ok and you are happy and safe with what you are doing and it isn't anything for her to get concerned over... (Ok, my feeling is from the fact you don't want people to know what your doing and your age it is probably something that she should worry about...but thats my opinion). If you just show her some compassion and respect by letting her know that you understand her concern about your secrets and the fact you feel you are doing what is right for you, then she will be happier to let you come to her when you are ready and she should support you. One last thought is your under 18 please be careful and consider what you are doing and how it could effect your whole Life...
