Not really looking for advice.Just ranting. So I had planned to come out to my parents just before school started so I could attend the GSA's on campus without lying to them about where I was plus I was sick of keeping this from them.I just found out my dad has to have surgery to remove a growth from his mouth and so obviously I am going to postpone the coming out. The problem is that I resent the growth and even my dad a bit for making me postpone my coming out.I know that's ridiculous and that he would rather not have to have surgery to get this thing out,but I can't help it. I nearly told them when I went out to dinner with them last Monday just so I could have it out in the open,but I figure the can only handle one issue at a time.I have read a ton of books on the subject of coming out and they all say not to come out when other things are happening with your family. Oh and my very anti gay/republican grandparents are coming to help out after he has the surgery(Which I think is really stupid.We can handle it on our own and having more people around will only stress out my mother more even if she doesn't realize it or admit to it.) So I guess I have to postpone it indefinitely.
Ive spent about 20 minutes writing, deleting, and re-writing a response to your thread I just deleted the whole thing though. It was just me trying to give advice when you already said you were not looking for advice because, well, im nosy and try to help everyone. I personally think now is a great time for you to come out. But ah, what do i know anyways. You do what you want to do. Anyways, im writing this now just to let you know i read your thread, and i feel for you deeply, and i wanted to let you know im thinking of you and hope everything works out with you and your dad and your family. Good look.
If you have any advice I'd welcome it Greggers.I know I said I wasn't looking for it,but I'd welcome advice if it were offered.
I know quite well how you feel. The day that I planned to drive down to my parents' house to tell them the news, I got a call on my cell phone literally five minutes before I was going to head out. I answered the call and it turned out that my brother had been in a car accident. I was worried about my brother, but once I found out that he was going to be okay that guilty anger crept out as well. It stems from the incredible amount of tension that builds up before coming out to your parents. You've spent so many uncountable hours thinking about this one event and its fallout... and now the moment doesn't seem like it's going to come to fruition and it feels like you wasted all that energy and time worrying for nothing basically. Just let it out privately. Go binge on some comfort foods. Yell into the pillow for a while. Have a good cry if you need to. The tension wasn't doing you any good anyway. And once that's out of your system, then make a decision on what you want to do. Depending on how far away the surgery is date-wise, it might not be a bad idea to just come out to them beforehand. If it's more than a few days, they probably won't be fully dwelling on it by the time the hospital visit comes. Otherwise, you'll just have to buckle in and wait it out. You can always tell them next time you happen to be at home once school starts. A lot of people tell their parents during a school break too. Either way, it does suck when plans fall through for coming out, but you just have to pick up your chin and go on. Good luck!
You're being very thoughtful of your parents given what your dad is going through, and that's good. But you can also wait a reasonable time (couple weeks maybe) after he's had the surgery and, assuming there aren't any big complications, you can bring it up after that. Perhaps you don't want to do that while the grandparents are there, but maybe you can find a way to bring it up, even if they are still there, when they are out somewhere for a few hours, or perhaps if you and your parents go somewhere without them. I do think it's wise to separate the two issues, but not to wait indefinitely.
