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Possible Comming Out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Atlguy, Jul 24, 2007.

  1. Atlguy

    Regular Member

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    Hello everyone,

    Currently I am an 18 year old soon to be college student and am considering coming out to a few friends. I have known for years that I am gay but never really gave too much thought to the notion of telling anyone. Recently though I feel more and more inclined to do so, especially with college starting in a few months.

    I've decided to start by telling one of my best friends who i'll label as Tim.

    The problem is that I have no idea how to go about this. I would like to avoid the straight up, "Hi Tim, Im gay" line, as it seems too brute and will probably induce more shock than understanding.

    I've found this whole thing really difficult to deal with as a guy, because like most men of my age, we are completely clueless when it comes to expressing emotion of any sort.

    Does anyone have any suggestions or a possible way of going about this?
     
  2. charlie12

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    By the way, Hi and Welcome to EC!

    I think by telling one of your best friends, Tim would be a good start. Especially if you have alot of trust in him. I would definitely avoid just telling him straight out that your gay. I think you and Tim should go somewhere alone and talk about stuff and then maybe later on tell him that you have something to say that I haven't told anyone else. Ask him for his promise not to tell anyone else and then you can tell him.
     
  3. xequar

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    The first several people I came out to were friends, the first of whom is also my roommate, so here's my advice. Being direct is actually a really good approach, since the first couple of times are going to be really nerve-racking, and you're going to want to get it out and done with. But, but, there's a world of difference between blurting out, "Tim, I'm gay," as a conversation starter and doing something more measured and tactful.

    To start, find a few moments where you and Tim can be alone, without random interruption. If he's going to grab some food, for example, ask if you can come along for the ride. Start out with something like, "Hey, can we talk about something serious for a minute?" That will help to set the stage for you and get his direct attention. From there, go with whatever feels right, like, "I've finally accepted something about myself that's been there for a long time," or, "I have something that I've been worried about telling anyone," or whatever. From there, all you need to do (and I make this sound way easier than it is) is to finish with, "I'm gay."

    The thing I found with this method is that it's direct and efficient, yet tactful. Once you open with "I have something I need to talk to you about," or whatever your opening is, you're pretty much committed at that point, so it becomes far more difficult to chicken out. The opening statement really does effectively set the stage for a heavy conversation, as well.

    When I came out to one of my friends (the third person I came out to), I was hanging out with a group of friends, "Tim" being one of them. He decided to go and grab some fast food, so I decided to tag along. When we were in the car, I pretty much said, "Tim, I actually tagged along because I've got something I need to talk to you about." He replied with something like, "What's up?" to which I replied, "There's something I've finally accepted about myself that's been there for a long time." And then I froze, but, I had already passed the point of no return. Tim knew something was up, so he prompted me a bit to get me going again. When I said, "I'm gay," there was no shock, only a good supportive friend doing what good supportive friends do best. Believe it or not, that was actually the hardest coming out that I had, harder than even the first time when I came out to my best friend/roommate, and it worked out splendidly.

    I know you can do it, and I hope for all the best as you venture forth into the brave new world! (*hug*)