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So lost and stuck. Longgg post. Help so much appreciated.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SilhouetteDream, Aug 17, 2009.

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  1. SilhouetteDream

    SilhouetteDream
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    Okay so just to warn you- LONGG post. Sorry for that in advance. I've been thinking about whether or not to even put this up, cuz it's damn long, and pretty pathetic too. But I need the advice/help. I'm going crazy. It's taking me so much to write this down and admit it, my hands are shaking.

    Background info:
    So let's just call her...Sammie.
    Alright, Sammie and I, we've been talking for about..3-4 year? About a year ago, I found out that she also was gay and I really liked her, so we started going out
    Sammie lives 2,000 miles away from me. So you can call this a long distance relationship. Everything was amazingg, we clicked so perfectly, it was anything I could ever ask for. She just made me feel great. (I know, I knowww.. "She lives so far away, you've never seen her, how can you love her. Well I do. That's what happened...I'm not looking for anyone to tell me that, cuz it's already happened. I'm looking for advice about the stuff I'm about to talk about)
    Sammie doesn't have it easy. Her mother's an alcoholic, parents divorced at the age of 4, her father has emphysema.
    everything was great for a while. Cloud 9.

    But after a while...things just got...bad.
    I'm NOT one to yell, or curse at anyone. I've never ever yelled at a friend (in a serious way). I am the most easy going person you'll ever meet. I'm a caring, nice person and I'm not like those girls who get all bitchy for no reason and stuff.
    Sammie..after a while, got to be just that. I've learned she has major, major anger issues. She gets mad at me for the slightest things.
    Things just got so bad, and I don't know why.
    My one theory is that, we talked about everything. What we'd do, how it'd be, sex we'd have- everythinggg. And at a certain point it just got to be too much. It's like, god now there's nothing left to do but SEE you.
    anyways, she'd blow up about the LITTLEST things. she got to saying things like...
    "I don't ever want to talk to you again"
    "You're a bitch, slut."
    "I don't need you, fuck you."
    And I hate you. Iv'e never ever said that to her
    and yet she can say these all to me over and over. At first, it KILLED me. I honestly, did not do anything about it. I cried myself to sleep for weeks, thought about cutting (but decided against it my skin's f---ed up as it is). She just bought my self esteem down to an all time low. Made me feel like everything was my fault. I was always there to talked to her about her mom (who she hates), anything. and now it's suddenly all anti-laura. At first I was a mess. I didn't say anything to defend myself, cuz I couldn't stand to see us fight. After a while, how things are now...my heart's calloused. The things she says, the verbal abuse doesn't hurt me like it did. I don't talk to her like I did, I talk to her more like she does me. I just can't stand fighting with her, cuz god I love her. And I tell her that, but she's all "yeah uh huh sure" She doesnt UNDERSTAND. It's a love that will never go away, I just want to see her happy, even if I'm not in her life. I've always been her therapist, the one to support her. she never asks how I am. Maybe I had a shitty day, but do I tell her that like she would tell me? No. Cuz I doubt I'd get much of a response. For example, I was talking about my skin, how it's horrible I could die from staph if im not on creams and medicated, I just wanted to vent to SOMEONE. I thought I could to her. Her response:
    That sucks.
    IT JUST MAKES ME SO MAD. And i KNOW I don't need her, the other day I sent her a text saying how I don't need you anymore, you just bring me down. I felt horrible at first...but then I got to feeling okay, maybe even better. She didn't talk to me for a few days, but yesterday...I get an IM. and DAMN I don't know why, why, why but I say I'm sorry, and somehow she asks if we can be together again. And god knows f---ing why, I say yes. funny thing is, she's ALWAYS the one to come back to ME. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I don't want to loose her, I want to see her in two years like we planned and be together face to face. But she's really just tearing me to pieces. I honestly, I want another girl. (Or guy) Even if it was another girl that I didn't live close to, another far distance. Just SOMEONE who will help me too. I can't support her anymore, she's a leech, sucking everything out of me. I want a girlfriend who cares about me too. Sammie needs to find herself before she can be in a relationship with me I think. I can't do this anymore.
    And I feel so guilty about saying that even though I know I shouldn't.
    I know this whole thing is pathetic, how could I possibly still be attached to her? I don't know. I don't know how I like her more than anyone I've ever been with, even those in real life. I just don't know what to do with this.
    Advice, help..anything?
    I'm sorry for the long post.
    And feedback is greatly appreciated. This took a lot out of me to write- I'm never the one to seek advice, I always give it. Gah my hands are shaking haha
    Thank you all.
     
    #1 SilhouetteDream, Aug 17, 2009
  2. Eleanor Rigby

    Eleanor Rigby
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    I think you already have the answers. You need to be in a relationship with someone who cares about you and takes care of you, and "Sammie" obviously can't do that for you.
    She might have reasons of her own, but you can't do more than you have already done. You can't be her therapist. First because you're not a therapist and second because therapists don't get into relationships with their patients, otherwise thay couldn't help them.
    I'm certain this girl has a very sad personal history, but that's not an excuse to treat you like this. You can't help her, so do yourself a favor and help yourself by ending that destructive relationship. I know this sounds a bit harsh, but there isn't anything else you can do, and from your post, I can tell you had realizes this already.

    Take care of yourself, Eleanor
     
    #2 Eleanor Rigby, Aug 17, 2009
  3. xballetxbeautyx

    xballetxbeautyx Guest

    Tell her what you told us. You deserve a relationship with equal give and take on both sides. It's not fair to you to be treated like that. Even though you love her, it sounds like she needs someone to help her who doesn't need anything back (like a real therapist or someone she isn't in a relationship with) and you need someone that will treat you well.

    Good luck (*hug*)
     
    #3 xballetxbeautyx, Aug 17, 2009
  4. stratavos

    stratavos
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    Leave and drop the iron curtain of no communication. She's only hurting you, and you've stayed long enough to see the cycle repeat. It isn't going to get better until she gets through her issues.
     
    #4 stratavos, Aug 17, 2009
  5. SilhouetteDream

    SilhouetteDream
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    The iron curtain of no communication is really really hard. I ignored her IM.
    then she texted me- hello?!?
    I Didn't respond.
    Then- are you mad at me?
    I want to replyyy. But I'm trying not to. Thank god for EC
    D:
     
    #5 SilhouetteDream, Aug 17, 2009
  6. notquitebutch

    notquitebutch
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    My situation was not as bad as yours, but I know what you feel like to be in a one sided relationship :frowning2: I used to give my ex really good, thought out advice, which would help her through so much, and whenever I had something I wanted to talk about all she'd say was "Awh! :frowning2:" or "That sucks :frowning2:" I know ignoring her is hard, but you'll feel so much better in the end -hugs- You deserve better. Much better.

    Maybe hide your phone for a while? Block her online? Unfriend her from any social networking sites? It's tough, but it really helps.
     
    #6 notquitebutch, Aug 17, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2009
  7. Jim1454

    Jim1454
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    Her mother is an alcoholic. That alone is enough to mess people up on a serious way. She needs to attend Al-ateen and get the help she needs to straighten out her own life. Otherwise, odds are that she'll end up an alcoholic too. It happens all too often.

    And you don't need that in your life. You can already see it coming. Don't be a part of that train wreck. Tell her what you've told us. Tell her that she should get help. And wish her good luck. Then block her on IM. Figure out how to block her text messages. Don't respond.

    Yes, you've known her for a big chunk of your life. But you have an even bigger chunk of your life still to go. And you owe it to yourself to find someone (preferably in your neighbourhood) that you can be with that makes you happy.
     
    #7 Jim1454, Aug 18, 2009
  8. nikime

    nikime
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    How unfortunate for Sammie to have a difficult life and how unfortunate for you to be a part of it !! Love is one thing but self worth is another. And that is what it takes to never answer another text, IM or whatever from her again. You must realize for yourself that you don't need that kind of love. Love that is toxic is not love....it is more like obsession, infatuation and attachment. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and find some professional help for yourself. If you love someone who abuses you (mentally, emotionally, whatever) and allow them to degrade you and belittle you than you yourself need help!
    Good Luck
    Nikime

    "I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out."
     
    #8 nikime, Nov 29, 2009
  9. Hidden Angel

    Hidden Angel Guest

    I can't really offer any thing more than whats been said so how about some hugs(*hug*)(*hug*) (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) - there lots!
     
    #9 Hidden Angel, Nov 30, 2009
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