PLEASE READ- Letter to Parents

Okay so I litterally just wrote this over the last hour. I know its long but as you all know coming out is personal and I had a lot to get off my chest. Please read and let me know if you think it is good, any advice is welcome. Thanks so much.

Mom and Dad,

I know you must be surprised to be getting a letter from me. I want you to know how much I love you and how grateful I am for all of the opportunities you have provided me throughout my life. I am truly blessed to have parents like you. I have learned more than you will ever know from both of you. The point of this letter is not just to express my gratitude but to let you know of something that I have been struggling with for many, many years now. I would think after 22 years that you have had your suspicions about my sexuality and here it is; I am gay. (You really have no idea how hard it was to write that sentence).

I want you to know that this has nothing to do with you and that you cannot blame yourselves or anyone else for this. I had the best childhood anyone could ever ask for. This was not a choice, trust me. I have tried to deny this for as long as I can remember but have come to terms with the fact that this is nothing I can change and if I am going to be truly happy than I need to share this information with you. I know you are fairly open-minded and hope you realize that this is not something I am choosing. Why would anyone want to choose to be gay?

I also want you to know that this does not change how I feel about you guys or myself. I am the same funny, smart, loving son that you have always had. This does not define who I am, this is just one of many characteristics that define who I am. I am sorry if this letter sounds like I am rambling but this the hardest thing I have ever done, maybe next to actually placing it in the mail.

I think it is apparent over the years that there have been times when I wasn’t myself. I am not going to lie. There were months that I could not stop worrying about coming out. It is something that weighs on my mind on a daily basis. If I was ever in a bad mood and you felt like I was trying to distance myself from you it was only a defense mechanism and me trying to prevent you from finding out or having the face the situation head on. We both know that last summer was one of the worst summers I have ever had. When you approached me on vacation about how I wasn’t being myself it cemented why I wasn’t happy, I couldn’t be honest with you. I stayed up that entire night with an array of emotions pouring through my head; stress, shame, embarrassment, anger, frustration, sadness. I now realize that this really is for the best. I hope you guys will support me as I go through this extremely tough experience.

Dad it’s no secret that there have been times when we have struggled to connect on an emotional level and I do not want you to think that it was your fault. I think you sometimes overemphasize how your alcoholism affected us. I admire you for not drinking but never thought that you drinking ever made you a bad person. I think we struggled to connect on an emotional level at times because I was afraid of disappointing you with letting this part of my life known to you. I feel that over the past 4-5 years our relationship has grown immensely. You are not just my dad you are one of my best friends.

Mom please don’t over analyze this and keep yourself up at night. I know you have a TON of stuff on your plate with Nana and Gramps and I feel terrible about adding more stress to your life. There is nothing that you could have done any differently to prevent this from happening. This is simply a part of who I am. I am fine with this. It took some time but I now realize that true happiness is going to be reached when those I love most know this about me. Please do not overreact. I am still your same son who will be returning home on Thanksgiving eager to see you both, bag of laundry in tow.

I am sorry it has taken me so long to tell you about this. Unfortunately our family was pretty traumatized by Uncle ____ coming out and this did not make my situation any easier. I want you to know that I am trying to do the right thing for the family. _____ clearly didn’t but at the same time I feel extremely sorry for him. He had to hide that part of his life for over 40 years and didn’t think he had loving people that he could tell. He fucked up and that is a prime example of why I cannot and should not hide this. I don’t want to tell the rest of the family at this time and think we should sit down and discuss some things before you tell anyone. I am sure you have a ton of questions and I will try my best to answer them as best as possible.

I love you both and am prepared to jump over obstacles as I open up this part of my life to you. Please don’t view me any differently and please don’t be sad. I know this must be shocking but it’s something that I have been dealing with since I was 13 or 14. I am sure you have questioned it numerous times throughout the years as well and that is okay. You shouldn’t view this as a negative but as something that will make us closer. You mean the world to me.

Love your son,

 

Thanks for the help. Just graduated school and got a job halfway across the country. It felt great to put that into words...now comes the hard part.

 

Thanks for the kind words. I am about to send this off later this week. My new job starts monday so I have been pretty busy. I was thinking about putting "open together" on the back of the envelope do you think that would make it easier for them if they read it together. Can't beleive i'm finally doing this.