Hey everyone. Just thought I'd post a little update. I'm excited for school to finally get started in two days. My 100% up-in-the-air sexual orientation is really the only thing I think about anymore, and I could definitely use another stimulus. I find myself only satisfied and happy when I'm attracted to guys, and not 5 minutes after I feel the need to "check" myself by looking or thinking about naked women. I'm really starting to think I'm developing some anxiety over the issue, but I don't trust any mental health professional in the area to take my problem and interpret it without any anti-gay LDS bias. Anywho, hope everyone's doing well
I know how distracting this issue was for me - and it lead me to take up an addiction to 'escape' the pain and anxiety it was causing me. Try not to let that happen to you. I'd strongly recommend talking to someone about it in real life. A social worker or counsellor. Your family doctor. If that isn't an option, then perhaps you just need to decide. Just decide. Decide that you're going to be gay for 6 months. You're not going to think about it any more - you're going to be totally OK with being gay for 6 months. Then let yourself freely look at other hot guys. Stop worrying about whether or not you should have a girlfriend - or worrying about what your friends and family think because you don't. 6 months isn't really that long in the grand scheme of things. It doesnt mean that you need to come out to anyone. You've decided you're gay, but it's nobody elses business - leave it at that. Keep a journal too about how you're feeling. Write in it every other day or so. Just a paragraph or two. What you're thinking and feeling. Then 6 months from now, reflect on how you've felt. Reflect on how your anxiety has been. Reflect on how comfortable you've been 'being gay' in your own mind. See if it warrants revisiting the subject. What you might find is that you're pretty convinced that you are gay, and being more comfortable about it will help you overcome the anxiety. This might sound stupid, and maybe it isn't the right answer. But CONSTANTLY thinking and questioning this isn't doing you or anyone else any good. You need to be able to focus on school and friends and family and hobbies and whatever else might be going on in your life. Good luck!
Thank you for your obviously well thought-out reply. I can sense that you relate to the situation I find myself in to some extent. I'm not sure what factors caused this to happen, but I just know I haven't been happy under close scrutiny of myself. I'm still sensitive to any gay opposition, and yet I force feed it to myself when I'm feeling bored. At times it gets so bad that I wonder if I'm wrong. I was in one of those phases just a few days ago, but it seems to have passed for now. So, in an effort to avoid encapsulating myself in despair again, I will take your advice and state what I have stated all along: I am gay, but can still see physical attraction in women. That's what I find most cosmically funny about the situation. I've always said I was just that, and still do. With school starting tomorrow, I should definitely be able to keep my mind focused on much more important things. Thank you once again, Jim. Your words have definitely helped.
