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Running out of friends

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Geist, Aug 18, 2009.

  1. Geist

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Spokane WA United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I feel like I am simply rewriting a message I have written before but I guess I just feel like I need to vent.

    I feel different from everyone I know.. I feel like almost no one out there really knows me or cares to know me. My friends of many years have split after I came out. I tried to find new friends. Friends who would accept me and not care if I was gay or not. I found the only people who really didn't care were gay themselves, but we never really got along.

    Almost every one that I met was either a total stereotype or just slept with anyone they could. When they started to get to know me they were surprised that my interests were so different from theirs. I am a huge metal fan. I am actually quite the game nerd and I am not really feminine at all.

    now don't get me wrong I have no problem with people like that... they did however have a problem with me. They said I was just pretending to be straight. When I told them this is who I am some actually told me that I'm not gay. I actually tried to be more like them. It didn't work at all and I ended up just leaving, not wanting to try to be someone that I am not.

    I have a few friends left now.. very few. I hate this stereotype so much. at times it has left me bitter despising the stereotypes that movies and tv pass as your normal gay guy. I get in some cases it is only a joke but when they try to pass it off as being accepting and progressive then I get mad.

    I'm sure I must sound like a bitter person. I don't know I guess I just feel there is no place for me. People all around me who find out I'm gay assume I'm some promiscuous fairy and that drives me ballistic. I feel like no one really wants to be my friend or even get to know me.
     
  2. Cheech90

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    California
    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Some people
    I know whatcha mean about sterotypes, trust me haha. I have to put up with two! First, I'm half black and half white, but I have brown skin and a fro so I get all the time "You don't act black" or they're surprised when they find out I like other types of music besides rap and hip-hop. lol. And then I'm gay, so I get those stereotypes as well.

    It does get annoying getting stereotypes thrown at ya all the time, but I guess the best thing to do is just ignore them. Nothin else you really can do, eh?
     
  3. Ben

    Ben
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    I'm sorry that you've had bad experiences with friends. And especially the gay friends. Unfortunately you've probably just come across the wrong bunch of people. There are gays out there who aren't going to judge you because you're not stereotypical. There are also loads of straight people who will not feel awkward with your sexuality.
    I think you did the right thing by abandoning the 'trying to be like them to fit in' approach. And you are totally right that the media's portrayal of LGBT people is not good at all for destroying stereotypes.
    All you have to do is keep on going as you are. You will meet people who will not judge you on your sexuality, because there are plenty out there, even if you haven't run into them yet.
     
  4. BayeBorde

    BayeBorde Guest

    Dont live up to other peoples expectations, you are who you are. Thats what makes you who you are, dont change for them just to fit in and make them happy. Real friends dont care what you look like and all that other stuff. Youre better off without them though, people judge too much. Be happy with yourself and thats your win.
     
  5. Jim1454

    Full Member

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    This is true. And it's critical for you to do this, becuase...

    At 18, you're at a real critical turning point in your life. You're likely about to head out to college or to work, and either way, you're going to find yourself surrounded by people who suddenly have similar interests, skills and goals as you. And you won't feel quite as alone as you feel right now.

    But for that to work, you actually have to be who you really are - at least to the best of your knowledge. (We don't fully know who we are at 18 - perhaps ever.) That way, the people that want to spend time with you and do things with you WILL be people that you can relate to.

    It wasn't until I was in 3rd year university that I met who would become my best friends for life. 15 years later they remain my best friends, and I have no doubt that 15 years from now the same will be true.

    Your world is about to open up to you. Stick it out. Even the gay guys you'll meet will be a lot more like you. Because they'll be doing things that you like and be interested in the things you are. That's likely how you'll meet them. Because we all have different interests, regardless of our orientation. I like sports cars and I'm a professional accountant. My boyfriend is a chemistry professor and a fantastic cook. You might not know it by looking at us, but trust me, we're gay. :icon_wink

    I hope this helps. Just keep being you. And have a little patience. I'm sure things are about to make a turn for the better for you. Get ready. :thumbsup:
     
  6. dude99

    dude99 Guest


    Well you are meeting the wrong type of guys mate. You are 18 and there are so many guys that age that are immature. Not that you are of course.

    Well perhaps you can always join a hobby, or club around where you live.

    Like you I dont have many friends and have very few gay friends, probably only 3 gay friends at least and these gay freinds live really far from where I live.

    Sorry I cant be more help.