So it's like the title says, my BF is moving in with me. Presently, he lives and works in Chicago, I in Metro Detroit. Right now, he is in the process of moving out of his apartment (has to be out by the 1st), so he got a storage cell up here, and of course some stuff will move into the apartment. He actually has my car right now so he can move the stuff up here (which means I'm stuck driving a Dodge Neon with an automatic :eusa_doh. Friday, he's going to get a Michigan drivers' license and register his car here. He still is working in Chicago, so he'll be staying with his former roommates (who got another place) during the week and we'll still be only together on weekends. I have to be honest-I'm a bit nervous, feeling a bit trepidatious about all of this. Yeah, I love him, and I know he loves me, but this is a big step and a first for me. I'm an only child, and aside from an agonizing 8-month span with really bad roommates, I've always had my own room and space, even while having a roommate at my current place. I've sort of found my own groove, my own organization, and the like. Now, I'm gonna have to share. I tend to be a bit less than organized and neat, and my existence is built around a series of work-arounds that accomodate things like the fact that if I don't put my keys in a specific spot every time I return home, they're as good as gone forever. I tend to spread stuff out as I work on it, so that all the facets are visible. I have two piles of laundry, one that's dirty and needs to go the extra three feet into the basket, and another that is stuff like pants that can be worn again. Conversely, he's a bit of a neat-freak (I know there are far worse than he, but...). I know it's going to be his home now too, so I don't want to have some rigid idea of how the place is "supposed" to be. I know it has to be as much his home as it is mine, but honestly, it's been my home for five-plus years now, so I fear that I'm going to have a bit of trouble integrating everything together. And I know it's going to work out wonderfully, but there's still a part of my in the background wondering what happens if we get moved in together and we're far less compatible than we thought? I mean, he's moving from another state and a city he's lived in for the bulk of his adult life, and suddenly the magnitude of that is hitting me, that I don't want it to be for naught. I know it's all just nerves doing that talking, but still... I dunno, I guess I kinda needed to get my thoughts together a bit. I know this is going to be great, but it's such a new and big step that it's really a new stage of life in many ways, I can't help but feel a bit contemplative and a bit of trepidation along with everything else...
I have zero experience with the matter, but it doesn't sound like you two are polar opposites, so it shouldn't be too hard to adjust. I'm sure there will be some getting used to at the beginning, but there is with every stage of a relationship. Oftentimes the things that annoy people about their partners are the things they love the most in the end.
Do you have "neutral corners"? A room that can be "yours", like an office? I've found those come in really handy if you ever need some "me" time... Lex
'Fraid not. It's gonna be pretty tight quarters, actually, as I have a 950 square foot apartment that's two bedrooms, and I have a roommate. So, the other room is currently occupied.
This seems wonderfully exciting but also scary! If at all else fails, he would just find another apart, that is worse case scenario. It seems to me though that you guys will be pretty good living together! Maybe some of his tidy habits will rub off and you two can come together. Living with anyone just takes one word of advice: adaptation. Both you might be different styles but if you come together, talk it out a bit, you will find a common middle! Congrats on the big step
The key to keeping the little things from getting in between you is to make an effort to respect each other and communicate. Try to take small steps to manage the situation before it comes to a fight later. If you're the messier one, try to see things from his point of view. I'm not saying that you have to start folding your dirty socks or vacuuming every day, but maybe make an effort to put your clothes straight into the laundry basket when you take them off or put a bowl out by the door where you can dump your keys/ wallet when you walk in. Remember that this will be an adjustment for you both. If something is bothering you about his habits, approach him calmly about it and try to find a compromise. Neither of you are going to have to change who you are completely, but you both will have to make small concessions, especially at first, to help the other one be comfortable. But as long as you can talk about it and find compromises that make you both happy, these first few months should go smoothly as you find your rhythm with living together.
All told, I know it's gonna be great, and I'm feeling quite better today than I was earlier. Happily, we see each other enough that I think we have a pretty good bead on each others' habits, so I doubt we're going to hit any major roadblocks in that regard. And if one of us needs to get away, I suppose we could go to the bedroom and close the door, or go for a walk or drive or something. What an adventure it'll be, though, eh!
Although I actually wish I was in your shoes (having a bf, moving in, etc) and don't have personal experience none the less, I think this is a big event in your life. Just take it one day at a time, and TELL HIM about your nerves. This way he can discuss with you how to best make the move in work and be comfortable. So yeah just talk to him and tell him how you feel and why, and I'm sure you guys will get it all worked out perfectly.
I'm sure things will be fine. As someone who has lived with someone my WHOLE life, I'd say you just have to be willing to accept a lot of stuff and to pick your battles carrefully. Like how to hand the toilet paper. It's stupid, I know, but my wife and I had different opinions on that. But in the end, I didn't care. So it got hung up her way. At the same time, she came to accept that I liked my car to be neat and tidy, so she was... wait a minute, she always left my car a disaster zone! :dry: It's just the important stuff that you'll need to work through if there are differences. But if you've known each other long enough, you're not likely to come across many of those that you don't already know about. Good luck. I'm sure you'll love the new experience.
