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So upset/angry/jealous etc...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mugwump, Aug 23, 2009.

  1. Mugwump

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    I don't know what to do! My best friend (female) and my room mate (male) have become interested in each other over the last few weeks. Today he went to her place for the first time, i.e. their first 'date'. I am so jealous, it's horrible. I don't want to share her, and I don't want him to go out with her. I can't believe the message I just got from him! "Looks like things will be happening between us. I won't be home tonight... hope you're not too annoyed at us". WTF?! On the first date? He is STAYING OVER! And now I'm sitting at home by myself feeling horrible. Am I wrong to feel all of this? What can I do? This is so wrong, and I can't even work out why.
     
  2. Eleanor Rigby

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    I'm sorry you feel this way Jess (*hug*) and there is nothing wrong feeling this way. Some people can be very possessive with their friends (assuming you don't have for your best friend any other feelings than close friendship). I suppose you're angry and jealous because these two people you are close from might have a relationship from wich you'll be left out.
    Now I am afraid that the only thing you can do is to bite the bullet and learn to cope with this.
    I know that it could sounds harsh, but there is nothing else you can do. You can't expect for your best friend to stay single, one day or another, you going to have to face the fact that she will be in a love relationship that will take a big place in her life. That doesn't mean you won't still be her best friend and won't have the same place in her heart, but you'll have to accept that the person that will be sharing her everyday life won't be you.
    Of course, the fact your room mate might become her boyfriend add to this the fact that you'll probably witness a big part of their relationship without being involved in it. I completly understand how frustrated it could be (I have been pretty much in the same situation). But once again, it is not your call to decide what they do (and if he spend the night with her, even on their first date, that is absolutly none of your business).
    Maybe you can try to distance yourself a bit from them for a while. Try to meet new people, do things for yourself. You can also tell them that their relationship makes you ill at ease and ask them not to express their affection too much when you're around (as for exemple in the spaces you share with your room-mate).
    I'm sure that with time, you'll get used to it. For now on, just be brave and try to cope with it.
    Take care, Cécile
     
  3. carrie90

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    of course there's nothing wrong with it (*hug*) when we are very fond of someone we want them to ourselves and don't like sharing i get this feel alot but there's nothing really you can do to stop it if she likes hime you just have to accept it i'm sure in time you will adjust xx
     
  4. malachite

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    Are you wrong to feel this way? No.
    Is it wrong for you to try and doing something to stop these two from exploring their relationship? Yes.

    They might not have sad sex, unless they told you they did, maybe they just talked.

    You're feeling left out becuase you feel in a way you are losing two friends, you not the relationship is going to chanhge now.