Hey guys, I'm in a complicated situation with this guy(I'll just call him David on here)and I was wondering if anyone has ever been in a similar situation or could give me some advise. I met this guy online about 5 weeks ago and he seemed really nice and we hit it off real well. Well, about 3 weeks ago I seen David online and he told me he was very upset and I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he really didn't want to talk about it and then he signed off of Y.M. Then about 5 hours later I get a call from him and he asked me if I really wanted to know what happened and why he was so upset and of coarse I say yes ... Then he goes on to tell me that he's in a relationship with this guy in Boston (which is like over 2000 miles away from where me and David are) and he was so upset because the guy that he's dating has changed his relationship status on Facebook to "In a relationship" and David told he that he was ignoring his phone calls and that's another reason he was so upset. The he went on to tell me that he was sorry for doing that to me and he would understand if I didn't want to talk to him anymore. (I think a lot of guys would have told him off and maybe I should have but, I didn't.) Then he calls me the next day and says everything is fine with him and the guy in Boston and the only reason that he changed his profile was because that guys ex wanted him to change his status and he did it just to make him happy. (btw ... his ex lives in Australia now) I agreed that we could remain friends. But now, I'm really starting to feel like he's just keeping me around as a back up plan and I feel like he's playin mind games with me too. Every time we talk he starts to talk about this Brian guy and how he's coming to Phoenix in October. Not only that, we had made plans the other night to go out and then he calls me at the last minute and cancels. What should I do now?
i would remove from contacts and stuff and well that is just a insult to you i am surprised you didn't react badly [ towards him] well what ever you chose i hope you best of luck
if you choose to keep contact with him, drop him to basic friends or acquaintance status. or... State that as much as he likes to talk about his ex, while he's with you, you don't want to hear it unless he's on the verge of a mental breakdown (which honestly shouldn't happen this often).
If your relationship is supposed to be more than just friends, then I would be inclined to agree; the person sounds like he's trying to keep all his options open and doesn't seem to really care that it might be hurtful to you (or, for that matter, to the guy in Boston, who may not even know that his friend is also sort of seeing someone else.) There's a lot of disingenuousness in the gay community, and the only way to deal with it is to not be part of it. If you continue with this person, then expect he's probably going to do the same sort of two-timing thing with you; I've never understood why someone who drops (or two-times) another relationship to be with them is then surprised when the pattern repeats later.
So wait, he was trying to essentially cultivate two relationships to see which one would work out better, and then he was pissed that someone did the exact same thing to him? I'd tell him in no uncertain terms to take a long walk off a short pier. His behavior was bullshit.
cut the ties and move on, you'll only get hurt if you stick around being this guy's lackie or is it lacky.
Hey xequar ... you pretty much hit the nail right on the head and I agree, his behavior is BS. Thanks for everybody's support, I think I'm going to block him on my Y.M. now.
you did what i do to people when they screw me over you forgive them, let it go, not sure if you end up blaming yourself though that may be just me... the best thign i would say is to jstu look at this as beeing friends but ask what is our relationship you just need clarification, perhaps he didnt mean to use you he was jsut very lonley people do crazy things when tehy cant be with those they love. as for talking about his guy i still would just be there for him to talk to and help. the abbility to love someone to care for them and want to be there for and to help them shouldent be reliant on reciprocation ... it jsut makes you a good person.
"David" seems to be having problems of his own. He was friendly and confided in you, probably needed to talk to someone about it. If you are looking at becoming his boyfriend, you know that he is in a relationship and I would suggest you remain acquaintances, no more. If he needs to talk to someone (Boston is not close to Phoenix), I am sure he would be happy to have a friendly listening ear, if he wants more than that, back off. BTW, when you say he "called" you, does that mean you gave your phone number to someone you had never met, other than in a chatroom? That would have been very foolish!
No offence Peter ... but why do you think it was foolish of me to give him my phone number? We didn't even meet in a chat room, we met on a dating site, and we chatted on Y.M. for a while before we talked on the phone. I always talk to someone on the phone before I meet them in person. I think skipping that step would be very foolish.
I don't think it's necessary to block him, I mean everyone needs someone to talk to, someone they feel comfortable with. This David guy trusts you as a friend. He probably has nobody to talk to about his boyfriend (or ex, whatever). Maybe you just have to be clear that you don't like being his relationship counselor.
