Think about it really hard: Were you ever depressed before you accepted yourself?

I felt that way too. It was like I was trapped, but couldn't tell anyone I needed help or even how I felt.

I'm still lonly a lot of times, but the fact that I'm out now really has taken the weigh off my shoulders, and I think I have this site to thank for it.

 

I was intensely depressed, I would just cry myself to sleep a year ago. Now, the depression comes and goes, and I usually think of something else or listen to music.

My life is good overall, but inside of a certain moment I am depress and think its a horrible life. I was never suicidal because death is giving up, but I thought of running away before (last year at 16).

I am content as of now.

 

I was never depressed before i accepted myself.
And i have lost someone to depression, but i don't think it was cause he was secretly gay.

 

depression suicidal thoughts oh thats an everyday thing it seems.

 

I've been depressed before, because of many factors (including the fact that I'm gay, but not exclusively). Alot of things happened to me all at once; I figured out I was gay, my brother died, and my mom sank into a depression because of that.
I wasn't depressed because I was gay, really; I was more depressed because I didn't know how the hell I was supposed to tell anyone when they all seemed so homophobic.
I didn't like the look of a closeted future, I suppose.

I got over that this year, though, when I said fuck it, and started coming out, and my mom started really being herself again. We helped each other out of it.

I was never suicidal though, because I knew after my brother it would kill my mom too. I wouldn't be able to ever put my mom through that.

 

I'd wondered what the world would be like if I wasn't in it, and I made the mistake of saying that to my mom when I was a pre-teen... since then I've never stated that. or thought it much really... the most painful parts is being stuck in a state of longing, then going to depression, then rage and most of it is because I want to actually be near someone I like, but I can't be

 

a thing a lot of people at EC don't know is i had really bad depression for a while before coming out. It was largely due to other issues involving my dad, and other things. But i was at the point of being suicidal for a good while. Now i am on prozac and out and happy as can be

 

I've been through two major bouts of depression. However, they both happened AFTER I came out and accepted my sexuality, and (IMHO) had absolutely nothing to do with my sexuality at all. They were simply chemical imbalances that time (and, the second time, mild medication) eventually righted.

Lex

 

I clicked on more than one - not sure if it took them...

I was suicidal as I was coming to terms with my orientation. But I was also facing the end of my marriage and was trying to deal with an addiction. While that sounds like 3 different things, but I attribute the addiction and the end of my marriage to my orientation.

I suffered with depression on and off since my mid teens though - and I think that was largely related to my orientation too - not feeling like I fit in but not knowing why. I was very lonely growing up.

At the same time, my mother also suffers with depression, so I may be naturally inclined to be that way, regardless of my orientation.

What helped? Accepting myself certainly helped. Getting in recovery from my addiction certainly helped. Both of those things were facilitated by my therapist, group therapy, and 12 step meetings. It took a lot of time and energy to get better.

Oh, ya, and medication. I've been on an antidepressant for the past 2.5 years, and I know that it has made a world of difference. I tried about 5 months ago to get off of it but I think we lowered the dose too fast. I was feeling pretty down and having trouble coping with the stresses in my life, so we stopped and I went back to the dose that had been working for me. I'm going to start reducing the dose a lot slower and see what happens. (There are virtually no side effects to this medication, so if the answer is for me to take it indefinitely, then that's what I'll do. I'm not so proud that I can't accept this help if that's what I need to be happy and productive.)

 

I tried suicide at a young age, younger than my teenage years, and have sinced suffered from what I consider to be depression. Its never got to the point where I have tried suicide again but there have been times I have thought about trying it again.

Is it anything to do with my sexuality? I'd be a fool to discount it as I am still highly anxious about what I have to do in the relatively near future ie. coming out and dealing with the fall-out.

 

I have been, and occasionally still get, rather depressed. I have never actively considered suicide before; I don't really think I'd be able to carry it out anyway. I don't really think my depression has ever had anything in the least to do with my being gay at all. Before accepting myself I was depressed more often, but it still didn't feel like it was orientation related to me.

 

I've had depression my entire life, but it escalated to major depression or major depressive disorder when I was rejected by the first person I ever fell in love with. Over time though, my depression has gone away.

I have tried to kill myself 3 times before, all 3 times the hospital just let me go (usually they commit you), as well as having a HUGE history of family depression on both sides.

 

I clicked the 'I have been suicidal' one.
It wasn't just about coming out to myself tho, I put a big portion of it on my old school, I had just moved half way around the world, from Dubai to England, and I had lived in Dubai for 11 years, it really was my home. And then I came to this church of England Grammar School where I
a) felt out of place because of my religion
b) was constantly made to feel like shit when I did realise that I was bi
c) felt like no one would accept me if I did confide in them
d) was ignored, blanked out, and treated like an outcast anyway.

 

I've had major depression when I was younger, it has improved now, but I still get it, by just a little negative thing I get paranoid and depressed which pretty much bugs me.
Most of it isn't about being gay.

I try..

 

Yeah.... used to be a cutter for about 3 years which i kept hidden incredibly well. But it's all good in the hood now

 

well it took such a long time to come in terms with my sexuality. I was very depressed and even tried to commit suicide. However even with me comming out I still get depressed.

 

It was actually right after I came out to myself that I was really down and depressed. Those five days were some of the darkest days of my life (ie- before I told anyone else).

 

I don't know if you could call it depressed, exactly. More like lonely. While all of my friends were falling in love for the first time and gushing about their boyfriends, I felt like I was missing something completely. I didn't understand why I couldn't relate. I felt like something must be wrong with me. I felt lonely all the time about it, like no one around me would understand why I couldn't just be "normal" and find a guy I liked. It was pretty emotionally draining for a while.

I still get lonely sometimes, but it's been a lot less often ever since I accepted my sexuality. I now know that it's just the way I am. And I've also accepted the fact that I'll meet someone someday--I just don't know when.

 

Well, I don't remember the moment I accepted myself because I never had a "Not sure" phase. But before I came out, I was never depressed or anything like that. I think it was because I had no problems with being gay, I was just scared that others would (which was the ultimate reason I stayed in the closet back then.) But after I came out, I did have moments where I was really down because I got really worried about relationships. I had never thought about relationships before I was out because... I never thought I would be out and seeking a mate of the same sex. But after I came out, it finally occurred to me that I might be able to find a relationship... but I also thought that there was a bigger possibility that it may never actually happen (and I still think this.)