Ok, so im a dude and i dated this girl about two years ago, and while i was dating her i realized i was gay. we broke up about a year a go, but we're still really good friends, but im not out to her, and i want to be. shes pretty chill and liberal, and i dont see her making a big deal out of it, but im not 100% sure. does anybody have any advice/gone through something similar? anything would be appreciated.
Well whatever you do make sure to drill in the fact that she did not "turn you gay" because thats a logical step for her brain to take. I would try and ahead of time write down any questions she might have such as "did i turn you gay?" or "did i do something wrong?" or "were you gay when we were dating?" ect. ect. and then when you tell her make sure to answer these things before she can even ask them. It should help put her mind at ease and then she can focus on you and not herself. You have to remember its different when you have been in a relationship with someone. Other than that though, it should not be too difficult. If your worried, write a letter or e-mail and explain everything you need to in it and give her any time she needs before she contacts you back. If your not too worried, go talk to her face to face or over an instant messenger or phone. But in the end, your the only one who knows the girl and the only one who knows yourself. Take what i say as some friendly advice, but make your own decisions and find your own path. Your out status says no one, so if this is your first coming out you can take as much time as you need cause no one is pushing you.
Actually i kow EXACTLY what ur going thru. In middle school i dated a couple of girls bcus i didnt want any1 to know that i was gay, (of course they didnt know this at the time). When we all got to high school, all of them went to a different school then i did, so i decided to tell them that i was gay. at first i thot they wud all b mad bcus in a way i used them, but they actually were pretty cool about it. One even came out to ME. lol I was very nervous to tell them, but when i did i felt much better. When we were going out i never kissed any of the girls or anything at all, other than maybe hold hands (but i hold hands with girls all the time lol). I think that if u guys are still pretty good friends, u shud b alright. Just explain to her how u feel, and im sure she will understand. It also depends on how long ago u dated. But regardless, i wish u luck. Just stay cool and if she does get upset or mad, then dats too bad, but at least ur not lying to her anymore.
If you're good friends, you should tell her. It might make your relationship stronger if she knows it wasn't becuase you were incompatible that you broke up. It was just that you were the wrong orientation.
I think she may appreciate hearing that you became aware of your sexuality through your friendship with her. Me thinks she may be offended if she gets the sense you used her to hold out to other a pretense of being striaght. My wife told me she felt offended that I used her in this way, but that passed when she learned that I was simply discovering who I am. Good luck.
