As many of you know, I've been dealing with injuries to my leg since October of 2007, when I was hit by an SUV that ran a red light while I was on my bicycle. Originally, they put the leg back together with a rod and screws internally. Since then... Last fall, I started having really bad pain, and in December we discovered the bone had gotten infected. In January, we had to rip out all the hardware, and I was on heavy doses of antibiotics for two months, including an IV antibiotic I had to take three times daily. In March, we finally got the infection cleared out, so my doc put an external fixator into my leg. It's akin to a medieval torture device. I don't sleep much since I got it, since I can't really roll onto my sides or my stomach. The sites where the pins go in get infected constantly. I hate it. In June, as the leg was healing nicely, I twisted wrong getting into my car, basically destroying the healing that had happened. That set me back a month or more. But finally, everything was healing beautifully, and I was two weeks away from having the stupid frame removed from my leg because it was finally just about completely healed. We were adding tension to the bone via the frame to try lenthening it back to the proper length. I sold my old van because I could drive my good stick-shift car again. Everything was going great. Now, not so much. Instead of yesterday's frame adjustment adding a bit of tension, it simply ripped the bone apart where it was nearly completely healed. So now, I have a freshly broken bone and a whole lot of pain to go with it. Instead of getting the frame removed in two weeks, it's probably going to be more than two months now. It's been nearly two years since I could just walk around like a normal human being, without having a bunch of pain or having to worry about moving wrong, or just being able to walk period. It's been two years since I could play kickball or ride my bike or go hiking or do so much of the stuff that I love doing. And now, when the end was finally in sight, BAM, there it goes. I'm fucking sick of it. I'm angy. I want to go to Dianne Worthington's house and pull that fat bitch from her comfortable life and beat her within inches of death and run her down with her Buick Rainier. So far I had managed to deal with it all and keep looking forward to everything finally being healed and being done. This time, though, I'm out of energy. I feel tired and worn out and hopeless and angry and sad, and I'm seriously wondering how I'm going to recover from this one.
Aww honey, I am so so sorry about what is happening to you. You are completly entiteled to feel how you feel. Everyone would be awfully angry in your place. It took you a lot of courage to deal with all these health problems, not even mentioning the pain. I know you'll need some more courage to face the new problems, and I'm sure you'll find it. I hope that you are surrounded with people who love you to help you face all this. I feel very helpless having nothing else to offer than all my compassion and a lot of virtual (*hug*). If you ever feel the need to talk about that in private, feel free to PM me whenever you want. I can't help much, but I always can listen. I really wish you're going to recover as soon as possible. Don't give up on hope sweetheart. All my thoughts are with you. (*hug*)(*hug*) Eleanor
(*hug*) Wow, you've really been through the ringer with that. You've got every right to be angry about it, I know I would be fuming were I in that position. I am afraid I don't really have any advice to offer, but don't give up. I know it must be hard to deal with, but keep pushing. Use all that pent up frustration to will yourself into healing and getting better. Maybe give meditation a try too, it may help you deal with your anger over the situation. Keep fighting dude.
Ouch! Man that really, really, really sux. I cycle a bit an know how some motorists just don't get it that there are NO do-over's. They need to learn to control their vehicles at all times. The infection story sounds horrid as well. When I had my hip replaced the doc told me how bad it would be to have to remove the prosthesis to treat the infection, and then replace the implant. Tripple yuk. And now another break? Wish I could visit and bring you a smile and perhaps a scotch to cheer you up a bit. Hang in there and keep me posted on your healing.
^ That's a great idea. Keep writing about it. Keep a log. Write about how frustrated you are, because you have no other outlet really. I feel really bad, but in a way I can relate. As an addict, I have had to admit and accept that in some ways, I'll never be able to do certain things like a 'normal human being'. Getting in recovery I was very angry at first with that fact, but found that accepting these facts is the only way I could really start to feel better spiritually / emotionally. So while anger and disappointment are certainly legitimate reactions, acceptance of what has happened up til now gives you the best chance of finding some serenity, patience and ultimately healing. I do really feel for you though. Send me a PM any time you want to chat.
