I want to come out... but as what?

You seem to be having a struggle between what you were taught and what you feel. Everywhere you look someone is telling you that boys should be attractive to you. Its hard to just dump these feelings and call yourself a lesbian. For awhile it may feel like you dont know what you like, but because you feel strongly that your not bisexual i think your just at war with yourself.

Finally admitting your not straight and never will be is a VERY hard step to take. Its normal to want to cling to all your options. At some point though, you have to be brave enough to either admit to yourself that the "boys" ship has sailed or that you ARE bisexual. Either way is good, you just want to make sure that its coming from the heart.

I would definitely NOT come out as bisexual if your not quite sure. This happens alot where gays and lesbians come out as bisexual first then gay or lesbian after. Its not meant as a half-way step. Its a real thing and should be treated as such.

However, if you want advice on how you can tell people in the now, before you decide exactly what you are, you already answered it.

Tell people just that. I read that and it makes perfect sense. If you tell your best friend you know you are not straight, but after that your still confused as to what you are, its a great start. Your not doing something wrong by saying that. You dont even need to sum it up in one work. Use as many as you like.

 

I agree 100%

 

I third this. Tell people what you are most comfortable with at this point.

 

i totally get what you said. i'm sort of the same way; i find girls more attractive, but i could see myself more with a guy. it's thick soup. now i honestly have no experience (noob ) but i'd say try and tell your friend. if they're a real friend it won't make a difference what you are (cliche i know but it's true.) i came out to a friend and we've actually bonded over it, with her being really supportive. i told all my friends straight out that i was bi, but that the attraction wasn't 50-50. i'm sure you'll figure it out eventually

 

I just registered to the forum and on the 'sexual orientation' field there were three options and a free text field. I loved that. It doesn't matter that you like boys or girls or both... if you feel you need to tell someone, then be honest... There is no need to label yourself... and any label you take is not 100% and is not necessarily forever. I have a friend that goes back and forth between men and women, and she simply accepts it as is. Finally, some time ago, she stopped going out with women and started focusing on men.

Neither your post nor your profile say how old you are... however I'd venture a guess and say somewhere between 13 and 16, you have your whole life ahead of you... whatever choice you make now... you can change it later on. So don't feel pressured to find the 'correct' term to describe what you feel... because you'll feel it either way.

As for your friend... I agree with Greggers... you summed it up rather well in that line.

hope this helps you.
Alan.-

 

I, too, agree with just saying you're not sure what you are.. either way, if they are your friends... they will accept you.

Maybe it's possible to say "I'm not straight", and if they ask what you are, saying "I'm not sure about that yet, but I'm definately not straight"

 

I have similar problems, except like I dunno, I like men, but I like women way more, but then I would never want to have sex with a man I don't think and I can't imagine ending up with one, so I've been wondering if I should tell people e.g. my parents that I am gay, but then what happens if I end up with a man?

 

In your case though I would say tell who you want and tell them whatever you want. Its your sexuality

 

I'm with Graggers. You go girl!!!!!!

 

hi, i had exactly the same problem you're having now. when i first realised i was attracted to women, i tried to fight it, especially as i was still attracted to men. i thought 'i don't want to go through the whole process of coming out just to end up with a boyfriend'.

also, it took me a long time to accept that i am bisexual. another reason i put off coming out for a long time was i didn't want to come out as 'not sure' i wanted to be confident in my sexuality first. and even though i haven't had a relationship yet with either sex, i felt that i couldn't hide who i am anymore, so i came out as bi; and basically explained i'm attracted to both sexes.

i've just come back from bicon, which is the uk national bisexual convention that's held every year. i went to quite a few workshops there, and it made me realise that bisexuality is valid, and not a phase. yes some people do use it as a transition, but many people identify as bisexual. i've also realised that sexuality is fluid, it can change over time. you might be leaning towards women at the moment, but you may end up preferring men, then preferring women again. have you ever seen kinsey's sexuality scale? it is possible to move from one side to the other and back again. so i wouldn't worry about being less attracted to men, it still counts as bi.

personally, i feel i lean towards women, but i am still attracted to men. at the moment i can't see me having a relationship with one. i think maybe i'd just like the physical side of it. but like i say, that could all change, and i might meet a man that i could have a relationship with. as long as i am still physically attracted to men, i identify as bisexual. i hope this helps.