Hey sexy guys and beautiful girls, I really don't know what to say, Kinda ... Or extremely sad, It's like almost 7 am here, which would be a wonderful time to wake up ... for some people but unfortunately its actually nearing my bed time, or i would be in bed now, but my mind is totally racing. But lets start with i have a wonderfully spectacular hangover! mainly because i was so sad, went to my bestys house, whom i love and i managed to down 3/4 of a bottle of burbon one Smirnoff ICE, i think!?! not sure and i conned a glass of bourbon from a different bottle from my bestys BF, im amazed i didn't die.. or pass out or a wonderful combination of them both, in any case i ended up crying.. Quite a lot. Me and Besty who i should give a name.. (Melissa) both kinda dropped out of year 12, which kinda sucks, i mean 2nd time for me first time for her because she doped out at year 9 first time around, not that its to hard i just can't find the effort, which apparently neither could she. hence my horrible sleeping pattern. which im trying to fix not like that's working well. but ye im kinda useless at well everything of any importance. meanwhile im getting older, just turned 20.. which im exceeding unhappy about. So, So far, Im old, unemployed useless not to mention poor which i'm never going to get used to even tho its been years now and to top it off i think that i could be developing a major drinking problem! oh yes... AND, my ex.. Jamie (loser) got a new bf, which i'm not jealous i'm just... i can't explain it but 1 month apart and he's not someone else, which i'm.. not so blissfully alone. which is dull and boring not to mention depressing! but fyi i actually do have depression so it stands to reason that i'd blow stuff outta proportion, tho it does kinda suck you have to admit. there's a certain poetry to knowing your exact problems and completely understand them and knowing you have the power to change it and yet being unable to. Butttttt Yes... now im just kinda alone and typing for no particular reason, might as well start counting the wrinkles shh i know i'm vain... which is yet another unattractive quality. I just have no idea what to do or how to do it and i should go to sleep, i just can't be bothered. weird isn't it, to lazy to sleep?!?!?! sorry in advance for being so depressing, usually im quite bubbly and fun, even tho sometimes its a act, which im exceedingly good at but its something right, sometimes its just to hard to even try at that, i suppose you can't keep everything bottled up forever even tho its easier that facing the truth. I'm aware that the majority of what I've written probably makes little to no sence but if anyone can take little bits of it, i suppose that'd be enough. Thanks Pplz, for taking the time to read it if you did. ILLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY <3 xoxoxo.
You know... I see a lot of myself in your post... seems something I would've written some years ago. Though our surface problems are different... I can relate to you in the root, which is depression. And having overcome mine, I feel confident when I tell you... it is possible. I think your worse problem is that you are actually too smart... you seem to think a lot. You just listed a couple of problems of which you are obviously aware and know you have them while you remain unable to act. If that didn't make any sense, there's a difference between knowing you have a problem and actually accepting you have it. And sometimes... knowing isn't enough. Knowing why you came to that is the key. Let's take a silly example... an imaginary guy (we'll call him Bob) starts going out with someone and everything is going good. This other person seems to like Bob, and care for him. Bob decides to stop seeing this person and start pursuing a relationship with someone else who isn't interested in Bob at all (perhaps straight or simply not interested). Now, why would Bob choose this (albeit not consciously)? well, perhaps it's because he was hurt many times and finds it safer to go after someone who won't give him the time of day rather than risking exposing himself again to pain. As I said, the example itself is silly (not entirely fiction, though) but tries to illustrate how something (usually an attitude) we do had some use for us in the beginning, and then we just got used to it. The key to changing that is knowing where it comes from and why. Furthermore, in my room there is a window and a closet, my bed and two extra mattresses (for when friends visit). There is nothing on the walls except one phrase painted in black: 'Nothing changes until something changes'... which is another way of expressing Einstein's famous 'Madness is trying the exact same thing and expecting different results'. Furthermore, I realized that if I want something to change, then I have to change something. And last, and I think most important of all. It's not the BIG things you should be trying to change... you won't be able to do it and you will get frustrated. Try changing the small stuff and try setting clear and concise goals. For instance: 'I will walk for 20 minutes every day for the next two weeks' or 'I will study every day for one hour for the next month' or something like that. Start small. Once you accomplish those goals, you'll feel a lot better and will have more energy to invest in the rest of your life. And try not to think of the past or the future, or of some other place. Be in the present. Whenever you feel overwhelmed by your own thoughts simply stand up straight, pull back your shoulders, breath in and breath out through the nose and find a mantra that works for you and repeat it. I usually go for 'This is me, here and now' or 'Nothing changes until something changes'. Just try it. I hope this helps you... Alan.-
^ Awesome advice! You took the words out of my mouth! Grantious: You're 20 years old. You're not a child any more. The fact of the matter is, nothing is going to happen in your life if you don't make it happen. If you're depressed, then deal with the depression. That's probably priority number one. Finishing school would be another high priority, I would think, because your other problems (being unemployed and poor) won't ever change without an education. It's totally and completely up to you. And you can do it.
The energy you send off is recieved by others around you. If you're negative, negative and troublesome people will be attracted to that and your life will be negative. Same goes if you're positive. Trust me. You can do it. Set your sights high and go for what you truely want. Life will flourish. It won't be easy but if you want something bad enough (goals, a future, a positive loving relationship etc) you'll get it if you work for it. You can do it buddy.
