Ow... my head

Okay, so by now you've all met the super happy Jacob that likes to bounce around and shower people with kittens, but now it's ranty time! Yay!
And for all those who have intentions of reading this, I'm truly sorry.

First of all there was this guy. Me and him were kind of involved recently, but he canceled every single plan we ever made together and "forgot" to come eat lunch with me for five months in a row. No joke. We never talked on the phone once, and in fact, my ex from New York (note that my profile says I live in Canada) phoned me a couple weeks ago, and with his satanic parents who blame me for him being gay, I'd say that was quite an accomplishment. Yet this guy who's out to his parents, and lives half an hour away can't call. Magical isn't it?
So anyway, he ended up sleeping with someone else and telling me about it. So we broke up, or stopped liking each other, I don't even know what to call it. But we stopped being anything more than friends. He called me an asshole and told me I'm not the nice guy I pretend to be and told me to stay with him. At this point I'll remind you he was the one who slept with someone else. Oh yeah, he also told me "I'm sorry I never had sex with you" when I told him about a million times that that wasn't what I was after. I have the sex drive of a frigging plank of wood for crying out loud. I told him he obviously didn't understand the situation, and well... lots of angriness resulted.
We started talking again a couple days ago, and I forgave him for being a complete asshole and all was well. Until I mentioned that my ex had called me. All of a sudden he was telling my friend that he was jealous and that he wasn't over me. Tonight he told me he wanted to talk to me about it.
In short, I told him the truth that I would never get over my ex, because he was the first boy I ever loved, and no one ever gets over their first love. And I told him that that didn't mean that I couldn't get on with my life and love someone else.
And somehow, I'm a drama queen who played him and never cared about him and fucked up his life. And when I reminded him that he was the one who slept with someone, he just said "Well I wasn't getting any from you." and it was just like "Umm... no. No you weren't. Am I supposed to be offended by that or something? I didn't sleep with you on purpose."
But anyway, as far as I can see he's an askljsakljas (replace that with any swear word you deem appropriate) and he's not worth my time.
Yet I feel like a worthless pile of crap and I just want to die.
Oh the sparkly joy that boys bring to me!

 

Thank you all, yes I know he sucks but still. asdklasd

 

In every way imaginable. >.<

 

I gave him many chances, many more than he deserved. But he couldn't even manage to pull off being a friend.
*builds us a boat so we can stand in it together*
But, at least it's all over now.
*builds an island, and puts a sign on it that says "assholes from the past"... then turns the boat around so it's facing the other way*
Yes, all the bad experiences are behind us. ^_^

 

Awwwh, thank you. ^_^ *glomps*
*showers everyone with plushies*

 

Awwwh, JayTee. You're the most bestest everrererererergivemeyourbelt
No, I'm just kidding. Thank you.
<33 *showers with plushies and random things that smell good*

 

Oh, I don't think that's necessary. I don't hate him. I just never want to acknowledge his existence again. ^_^ But if you really want to I won't stop you. >.>
*goes to bake a pie*

Edit: And thank you again everyone. ^_^ *individual hearts for all*