Its been a few wks since I came out to DAd and I came out to him via correspondance. I came to see him for a visit a few days ago and most times when I go in the lounge room and if he is there, he picks up a straight porn magazinge and talks about things in it. He leaves the straight porn magazien on the chair to make sure I dont miss seeing it. I dont know what to do. I am here until another week and at first I did not find it unusual but he talks about the contents in the porn magazine alot now.
id have it out with him asking does he not love you . because if he did why would he treat you like this, this isnt how a farther treats their child. i know its hard for you but how do you think this makes me feel, you want me to be a man i am why arent you acting like a child...im gay and im happy with who i am get over it.... ok that might not be the greatest way to get across how you feel... but it sounds like hes trying to make you straight by having porn around >.> ....oh come on... you might aswell get a gay porn mag and sit there and read it whiel he does his he says somthign about boobs you say somthign i couldent possibly mention on a forum ... it is hard for him but he needs to get over it and accept the facts and move on.... i know im heartless however he reacts thoguh dont let it get you down to much this is nothign to xdo with you or the fact your gay its all to do with his missconceptions and growing up with the prejudice... your a great guy and thats what matters parents should be proud of their children for beeing loving people not based on tehir sexuality take care ...and await better advice x
He may be having a hard time coming to terms with this. Give it some time. but don't be afraid to let him know that this isn't some fad, your gay and no amount of being an ass is going to change that, but it will change they way you see HIM.
ewww i wouldnt want my dad talking about porn with me. thats nasty. but mayb u should ask him why he talks about it wih u or just to stop talking about it. why does he have porn anyways!? if your 35, he must b in his 50's/60's, right? that kinda makes it a bit more... ewwww
Really?!? He has a porn magazine just sitting out? Is this something that he would normally have done prior to you coming out to him, or is this something that is blatantly meant to offend or convert you? Because that's a pretty cheesey way to bring up the subject. Personally, I think I'd have laughed at the lack of subtlety!!! :roflmao: If this is something that he would normally have done, I wouldnt' worry about it. You might just ask to see the spreads that include include guys in the scenes and comment on how hot they are - that might be some kind of father / son bonding that you could do. But if this is something that is completely out of character for your dad, and he's having this kind of conversation with you now - at 35 - because he feels bad that he didn't have it with you when you were 17 (and therefore feels somehow at fault for you 'turning out' gay) then just tell him that he can save his breath and put the porn back in his night stand. It's not going to change anything. Otherwise, try to have a nice visit, and stick to topics of conversation that you're comfortable with.
Hmmm. Yeah, I like being open with him. Ask him if he's always had this thing for porn and he's now able to be himself more because you have shown him that you are not afraid to be yourself. Not sure that made sense. Otherwise, if he's doing it to try to impress or convert you, share with him the depth of your suffering, hiding, denial, etc etc etc prior to coming out to him. It really is a great oppty to explore and expain and discover each other. natrually you can tell him you are sure enough about yourself that you don't think covert conversion will be effective.
Like Jim, I can't help but smile at the unintentional humour in the situation... I'm guessing that he probably wonders what might have turned you gay, and decided it could have been a lack of exposure to naked women. So he hopes to rectify it now. Maybe he thinks you might just say: "wow, I had no idea what I was missing out on! I'm cured!" It's extremely awkward, obviously, but he might just be trying to help in whatever way he can. Has he ever brought up the gay issue? Perhaps the best thing is just being fortright and asking him whether he does this because of you being gay? You could just explain him that it's not anything he did or anything anyone did, for that matter... Talking about being gay with your father might be awkward, but I'd think it leads to more results than talking about straight porn does...
Are you sure it was a "porn" magazine? O_O *cough* anyways... I dont know what you said to your father when you came out to him, but there are two things you should try and do to make sure he "sees the light" and comes around to your side. You may have already done these, if so just try, try, and try again 1. Bluntly explain that you were made gay, he didnt make you gay, your mother didnt make you gay, the media didnt make you gay, you didnt make you gay. Tell him that you cannot change your sexual orientation (no matter how much porn you look at...) and explain to him about these cult-like "ex-gay ministry's" that have been shot down by every major health organization. You basically just have to drill it into his head that he cannot change you. If he is still talking about straight porn infront of you very openly, he has not yet accepted that. 2. Give him time. Basically, he needs to understand that you cannot change on at least some level, and then he just needs time to adjust. Once he knows that your gay for good, he will have to force himself to live with it. That may time time, but if you give it to him then he will eventually come to terms with it himself. Remember that your journey from deeply closeted to coming out was not a quick one, and be prepared to give others the same amount of time you took yourself.
well its something he never did talk about alot and even if there was a porn mag laying around the house he would rarely mention it when I used to come and visit and live there.
He did bring up the gay issue after I came out via sending a letter to him and I live far away from him as he rang me. Thats the only time he mentioned about it. Well its not easy talking about being gay face to face but since I am now here I believe I should.
Have you talked to your pa together with the magazine? Sounds uh... akward, but it's the only way to know what he has in his mind. If for my pa who did that, I'll look at the magazine, flipped pages, and "Hey Pa, this magazine can be good when I can't sleep. All of the contents of that mag, it's making me sleepy. Anything interesting other than just plain naked women???" or, "OOooooh, that man is just so fantastic! Check this out!" :roflmao:
Dude, I can only imagine that he is really feeling incredibly uncomfortable with the whole thing, and he really doesn't know how to actually deal with the situation. He may be still in denial, and if thats the case, i suppose, let him carry on with what he is doing. After the letter, he knows, so in my thinking, just the odd gentle nudge that you don't like girls might be the best way to go about it. From the way he is acting, I don't think a full on frontal is going to work. Maybe just let him know in the least confronting terms that the mag he is showing isn't really in your taste, and thats that. Dunno, i'm not really into bashing my feelings into others. Good luck with it, and just try and bond with him if you can. (*hug*)
